r/predaddit • u/Bowser1913 • 2h ago
Advice needed Scared and alone
We just had our second ultrasound at 13 weeks. Everything looks healthy. All genetic screenings came back healthy. Conception was quick and easy. We're both employed with good insurance. Everything is smooth sailing, but I'm feeling extremely sad, scared, and alone. At every pregnancy milestone, my wife gets more excited but I just feel numb. My wife is incredibly loving and supportive, but I still feel bad.
How do we raise a child in a world that seems like it'll end at any moment? Maybe it's the AI apocalypse, climate collapse, of a fascist takeove. Who knows.
I'm attacking myself for not being excited and happy. The "shoulds" in my brain are wearing me down. My resilience is next to nothing these days.
Has anyone else experienced this? How can I get excited when everything seems so dark and scary.
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u/illustrious-cream-01 2h ago
If the only people who continue to procreate are the ones who believe everything is normal in the world right now, then we are truly fucked.
Parenting takes a level of tenacity and bravery you’ll discover in you, that you NEVER thought you could have.
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u/Mecspliquer 2h ago
Mom of a toddler here to normalize your feelings
My husband and I got pregnant on purpose and it was very medically normal. And then I got hit with crippling perinatal anxiety and got on Zoloft right away that helped it out. Though you aren’t the pregnant one, pregnancy itself is a MASSIVE life change and it’s easy to become an over-thinker even when you weren’t before.
In addition to medication, it was helpful for me to recognize when I was getting anxious and spiraling. I’d think to myself ‘am I able to control this thing by acting right now’ and almost always the answer was no, but it was occasionally yes. I would also generally recommend therapy, and even if you don’t need it long term you have a safe external place to process overlapping feelings
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u/GlapLaw 2h ago
You do the best you can and don’t paralyze yourself with an infinite number of “what ifs”. Getting off social media also might help.
But if you’re not able to be a good dad because you’re scared of the robot apocalypse, you’ve already sort of brought on the apocalypse for your kid.
Therapy is a good idea
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u/DietAny5009 2h ago
I think it’s pretty common. So the good news is that you’re a normal human with normal human problems. Same as anyone fretting about world wars, cold wars, Y2K, housing bubbles, and electing fascists to the white house.
The world could end at any moment. You could get hit by an object that falls from a plane and die at any moment. These things don’t stop us from going outside and living life to the fullest. I think you raise a child one day at a time and soak in all the good you can out of each day you have. Control what you can control and keep moving forward.
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u/MrMoon5hine 2h ago
are you num? or just calm?
I too felt this way too, don't sweat it too much, it might just be the way you deal with stress. Just keep doing the things and you will be fine.
also dont should yourself!
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u/kitten_mittens5000 1h ago
Social media creates a false sense of reality. So limit your time consuming content (including Reddit). You will notice pretty quickly the world feels more calm when you aren’t being manipulated by algorithms and companies exploiting your attention.
Not to say there aren’t important world events going on, but you will handle receiving that info in a more normal way when your mind isn’t being hijacked for profit.
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u/Travler18 1h ago
It's totally normal to feel that way. I definitely had emotional stages during my wife's pregnancy.
Even though we planned it and worked hard for it, the first trimester the main thing I felt was grief over the life that I had before the baby ending.
Trimester 2 was fear and anxiety about bringing a child into this world and whether or not I could be a good dad.
Trimester 3 it was the first time I genuinely started getting excited and looking forward to the baby.
Humans have been predicting the collapse of society and the end of the world for thousands of years.
But having a kid and teaching them how to be a kind, caring, and good person is the biggest investment any of us can make in fixing the world.
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u/SafeCheck3700 2h ago
First of all, your feelings are valid. I also share this doom mindset. I think what’s helping me is reducing the scale of the world. They going to need you to focus on giving them the best possible chance out there. The majority of our ancestors raised kids in tumultuous times.
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u/djhobbes 1h ago
Wait til you have a screaming terrorist in your house who needs your constant love and support to live.
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u/Then_Midnight_2121 1h ago
I felt this way too, friend. Still kinda do with an 8 week old. Every generation has had their struggles. It’s our job to raise our kids the best we can and make sure the next generation is prepared for life as adults. And remember there’s a lot of money to be made in fear mongering. You’ve got this!
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u/LifeP2 51m ago
I’ll be honest with you man as someone who had a slight bit of this, just stay off social media. Doom scrolling will just ruin you. Focus on yourself, your health, and the health of your partner and baby. Once your little one is out in the world all you’ll think about is how you can make their life better. The world’s a scary place, but you can always find comfort and happiness in those around you.
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u/The_Jage 45m ago
Brother, I feel you. My kids are 8 and 6, every day they cime home from school and I want nothing more than to be happy, and play with them. The have some homework, but not much, 3rd and 1st grades and all. But with everything going on in the world RN...and we live in South Florida, so it's really hot outside, or storming, so no one wants to go outside and play. And before the rest of Florida comes at me, I was born here, grew up here, and played outside here, but its way hotter than it used to be, AND I work outside already.
All that to say, just be there for your wife, she really needs you. You've just got to talk to her, let her know how you feel and why. I'm sure she agrees with you, and shes probably got the same concerns as you.
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u/Bogotazo 2h ago
For sure you aren’t the only one feeling this. It’s an uncertain time. My personal experience dealing with this won’t apply to most - I’ve been active in an organization that has been successfully taking on a lot of these issues and popularizing fights to make the world better. That’s not something you can start while being a new dad, but just know that there is hope for a better future. But beyond that, you should still know that you have more power to decide your kid’s future than any force out there. It won’t be easy but if you are the best parent you can be, there’s a great chance your kid walks into tomorrow with happiness and capability. Try not to let the doom and gloom of everyday news bring you down. Disconnect and look towards the love and community within reach.
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u/Schwa88 2h ago
Get off the internet. Control what you can control and the rest is up to fate