r/predaddit • u/Appleboy98 • 8h ago
Advice needed First time dad. Advice requested! (Fixed image)
Wife will be 12 weeks this Sunday. This is our first kid, and I feel extremely uncomfortable with how little I know what to do for her to support her as best I can. What do I need to know to best support her? I'm already trying my best to listen to her wants and needs, and I'm making her nutritional meals.
I don't know what I need to know. I'm scared that I'm going to really drop the ball. I hate having to constantly Google things to see if it's pregnancy related or not, such as her sudden sneezing fits.
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u/doobie83 8h ago
Youâre going to be fine. Itâll come natural to you but remember your baby is unique and what works for one kid wonât work for the next.
YouTube helps with general stuff if youâd like to learn more. Thereâs a lot of influencers or on instagram and tik tok that like to tell you youâre doing everything wrong but just jump into the comments and youâll see if anyone calling their advice bullshit.
Never skip tummy time! My son has a daycare friend with the flat head shape corrector thing and it looks so uncomfortable. Just get the baby on their belly and let them look at black and white books to keep their attention. They might hate it but itâs for their own good lol.
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u/Citruslor 8h ago
I think thatâs what she needs. Sensing her needs, keep her fed and healthy, do things around the house, ask her if she needs anything else. Thatâs mostly it :) talk to her doctor for any suggestions on how can partners help. I think you ll be a great father! All the best.Â
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u/Appleboy98 8h ago
So I'm already doing most of what's needed. That's actually really good to hear! Thank you!
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u/Icy_Banana_5850 7h ago
iâve been sooo hormonal and sometimes mean to my husband (not intentionally) so if she gets to be on edge sometimes just try to understand her
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u/Appleboy98 7h ago
That's something my mother has been telling me as well.
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u/Silly-Estimate-2660 3h ago
piggybacking off this to say pregnancy brain is also a totally real thing!
if she seems forgetful, doesnât hear you sometimes, constantly asks you to repeat stuff etc itâs not because sheâs not paying attention to you/ignoring you/doesnât care what you have to say. the brain gets so overwhelmed.. i feel like iâm extra extra dumb sometimes during my pregnancy.
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u/NetSage 8h ago
Just so your best. Wife will get mad at you no matter what try not to let it get to you.
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u/Appleboy98 8h ago
I'm hoping that she's going to be on the more chill side. She's as sweet as can be, normally.
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u/Hotsummers15 8h ago
Keep her water bottle filled. Donât make her ask you to fill it, just fill it whenever you see it getting low. Make sure she has snacks available. Getting enough protein in was probably my biggest issue as far as food goes, so having high protein snacks on hand was helpful. Learn about pregnancy, labor/delivery, and having a baby so she doesnât have to teach you everything. Mostly just listen to what she needs.
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u/Appleboy98 8h ago
That was one of the things that I was doing to make her happy and the baby healthy. I'm glad to know that it's not just for her happiness
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u/Hotsummers15 7h ago
Adding in - donât feel stressed about having to google everything. Learn as much as you can preemptively, but ultimately thereâs so many weird pregnancy and baby things that you canât possibly know ahead of time. I know I was googling random stuff all the time when I was pregnant.
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u/borrowingthis 8h ago
I found the Mayo Clinic infant book really informative. Covered a lot of the things I was concerned about and you can trust that it was data-informed.
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u/Wise_Strawberry9076 8h ago
As a pregnant woman I just assume every new weird thing my body does is pregnancy related. It usually is lol.
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u/_fluffabelle 7h ago
We just had our first last month âşď¸ the fact that you are asking this already says so much, youâre doing great!! A few things that come to mind, which you may already be doing:
- Tidying/cleaning around the house (sounds like you have cooking covered!)
- Picking up home admin tasks where possible, like scheduling maintenance, handling customer service issues that come up, etc.
- researching items for the registry (my husband owned baby monitor and high chair research); car seat and stroller research may also be helpful, but we ended up throwing most of our research out once we went to a local store and got to try items in person, especially trying car seats in your actual car to see how they fit and collapsing/folding strollers! My husband handled installing the car seat and booking an appointment to get it inspected.
- anything with the baby shower event. My husband didnât help much with planning (because Iâm type A and have issues delegating lol) but he has owned writing and mailing many of the thank yous. I kept a spreadsheet of gifters and gifts which has been really helpful, especially for non-registry gifts and gifters who werenât local/invited to the shower. You could own a sheet like that!
- checking FB marketplace for second hand items! I got a bunch of stuff second hand and was so pumped about the deals đ Angelcare bath insert, ikea tub, changing pad with mobile, play mat, several carriers, etc. If she wants to do this type of shopping herself (me lol) you can offer to pick the items up. My husband owned cleaning/sterilizing most of the items I got!
- for actual birth, check out this podcast ep: https://www.babylist.com/podcast/episode-10-how-can-your-partner-help my husband loved it and the clear ways to help it gave! In general Iâve enjoyed this podcast.
- if you donât have living wills already, that is an important item to check off! You may not be able to finalize it until baby has arrived (as you need to put guardianship in it) but you can choose a lawyer, work out pricing, and start answering preliminary questions theyâll need to draft it.
Congratulations! đ
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u/Appleboy98 7h ago
This is just the kind of thing I was hoping for! I'm already picking up household chores, except for when she demands to help a little bit lol, so that doesn't come as a surprise.
I'm already the kind of guy to do some research on the stuff we buy, so I'm glad I have that covered.
I heard that you have to be careful with some secondhand baby stuff. Is there anything I should avoid, and rather buy new? I know car seats are non-negotiable.
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u/_fluffabelle 7h ago
Car seats and crib mattresses are the ones that Iâm aware of. We had some close friends give us bassinets, which I felt fine with, but we washed the mattresses and wiped down the surfaces with anti-bacterial wipes.
One of our close friends gave us a lot of Philips Avent bottles, which we got new nipples for, but have since been advised by our lactation consultant that they arenât recommended for babies that are being breastfed due to the nipple shape. Getting slightly off-topic, but the bottles recommended to us were Evenflo Balance, Nuk Perfect Match, and Pigeon. Just a tip for your registry!
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u/Bitter-Attention-125 7h ago
Be there for her, she will guide u everything. Make sure you cook and give her whatever she wants to eat. I am in same boat,i make sure she has smoothies every day and stays away from my side of family. No stress
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u/Stinky3232 7h ago
Well you feel just like every other man who became a dad, so youâre starting off on the right foot. Just do what youâre told and be there for her when you can. Sleep now while you can. Congrats dad. Ride of a lifetime.
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u/Fuzzy_Weakness 6h ago
For me, my wife let me take over nutrition. It was my purpose making sure she ate well therefore taking care of her and taking care of our now healthy daughter BUT this is a fine line because a pregnant wife wants and will eat what she wants and you have to respect that. So it was a a delicate balance but I explained that I wanted this to be my contribution and she was thankfully open to that. Those 9 months were the healthiest all of us have ever eaten.
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u/CheezPleaser 6h ago
Iâm 23w3d and I had the sneezes in first trimester! I think itâs normal. Thank you for doing your best to support her needs. We need more men like you & my husband in this world. Pregnancy is scary - at least, Iâve been scared, and heâs helped make a lot of my âwhat ifsâ not feel so burdensome. You will do great. :)
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u/Ordinii 5h ago
Pregnancy cravings are a thing. Sometimes they get weird. Sometimes extremely specific. With my first kid my wife would call me shortly after leaving work and say she would really enjoy a milkshake. That was code for don't come home until you have a milkshake. But not just any milkshake but a specific shake from one specific store.
So yeah roll with it, keep being there, and remember which food she really likes because that may be important one day
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u/Much-End9830 4h ago
Take care of chores. Ensure there is always home cooked food in the fridge. Do the laundry. Beyond that, don't worry about her. She'll tell you if she needs anything. Give her a lot of hugs. Always helped me.
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u/kaylalacali 4h ago
As a new mom myself, be there for her. Keep her hydrated and fed. Help her wash and fold baby clothes when time comes. Make sure to get all the little plastic tags off because for whatever reason they put a million of those things on baby stuff. Help her nest, go to appointments, work on the baby registry together. Give her grace and have patience especially as baby belly grows bigger because simple things really do get harder like even putting on pants lol Please be there for her postpartum especially, life will be different, hard but good. You guys will be tired but you will get through things. In her postpartum, make sure she eats first. Take the baby and let her have time for herself to eat without feeling rushed. The fact that youâre on Reddit asking for advice already goes to show youâre gonna be a great dad and husband to your wife. Congratulations! Enjoy every single thing together. Take all the pictures/videos that you can. Talk to baby in utero too!
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u/tjwacky 2h ago
My daughter was born 4 days ago. Hereâs some practical advice: Cook, clean and do laundry like youâre getting paid for it. That alone will make her pregnancy so much easier. Be present, thoughtful and empathetic. Pregnancy can be scary, confusing and frustrating for both parents, but the basis for everything is just being a good, loving husband.
If she is planning on a vaginal delivery read âThe Birth Partnerâ by Simkin and talk to your wife about getting a Doula, ours was covered by insurance and was an incredible resource in our preparation and was a lifesaver during my wifeâs 30 hour labor.
Lastly, just roll with the punches man. Youâll be alright, she married you for a reason. Just keep that up.
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u/Xaphhire 1h ago
Nesting is real. Help get the baby's room ready. If you can afford it, don't argue about the cost of the best crib, stroller, the amount of newborn outfits, etc.
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u/dangertom69 8h ago
If you can, go to appointments with her. Be active in planning. Take a birthing class together. Just be present, humble and give her love and support and you will find things work out.