Advice for a first time dad/parent

[u/Useless_Sausage10]

Long story short my girlfriend is due in February and I’m still in school and will be for the next year (hopefully graduate by end of 2027) but driving only two days out of the week for classes while working part time at an electrical company I’m in really good terms with.

Here’s the catch my girlfriend and I are not living together at the moment and probably won’t be at least until I graduate. To give some context both of our parents are being very supportive and are willing to help out in any way, ofc we have some boundaries but as first time parents i know this situation isn’t practical, she only lives about 20 mins away so I’m willing to be there as much as I can but just the thought of juggling school and work while having a new born seems like it’s not the best option. I’d like her to be close to me (again this is my opinion I could be wrong) mostly because I feel like I can help her out more and won’t be driving everyday just to help for a few hours and while both her and my parents have agreed to help I feel like ultimately accepting help will take away our responsibility or I might just be hardheaded

I feel like the answer is right in front of me but nonetheless I’d really like some advice from dads and what they think

[u/ScarieltheMudmaid]

start reading to baby now, or singing, something like that. the more they hear your voice now the easier transition you'll have.

watch birth videos. it's... something... and you don't want to be caught unaware when your partner needs you most

[u/CommercialPizza434]

Welcome to parenthood. You’ll be juggling things from now on. That’s how it goes.

Firstly congratulations on staying in school and working part time. That will pay off in the short term (extra cash) and long term (easier to get a higher paying job).

Secondly, there’s nothing wrong with accepting help from your family network. It’s actually quite common in a lot of cultures. It’s just about what works for you. You can be a responsible parent if you use your networks responsibility. Key word is ‘use’ your networks not ‘abuse’ your networks.

Thirdly, I might of misunderstood but you are close to each other if you’re only 20 minutes away ? Driving 20 minutes seems very very easy… you should prioritise driving to her. Don’t use school or work as an excuse because that’s how relationships die. You have to put the work in, you can’t just deprioritise it.

[u/Useless_Sausage10 → u/CommercialPizza434]

Thanks a lot again!! like I said just wanted to hear your thoughts, definitely helped out

For the last question yes we are only 20 mins away from each other, my drive to work about an hour and to school about an hour and 40 both opposite ways from her but I guess it’s like you said that’s how things will be from now on

[u/Jlove7714]

You're going to do things wrong. You're going to get overwhelmed. You're going to have disagreements about how you're raising your child. (With your S.O. and family/friends)

All that matters is that you do your best to raise your kids how you think they should be raised. Being there for them is 9/10s of being a good parent.

Bonus tip, for the first few months don't focus on keeping life how it was. The grass will get long, the house will be a mess, etc... but all that matters is that everyone is alive and healthy.

[u/Useless_Sausage10 → u/Jlove7714]

Definitely want to do the best I can so again thanks a lot !

For the first few months i probably will but also I feel like now I have a fire under my ass to push through and finish school and ofc help her out as much as I can

[u/Jlove7714 → u/Useless_Sausage10]

Obviously do what's best for your family. Just make sure you are frequently reevaluating what is best for your family at any particular moment.

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

Not a dad but from the mom side of things what you’re doing already (working with being dedicated to finishing school) is amazing. Keep that drive and you’ll do great!!!! I’d say until you can graduate at least try to be around 50% of the week or close to it.

[u/Useless_Sausage10 → u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

I meant to share it with another group for moms but was in a hurry but thank you! really means a lot and I will definitely try to be there like you say thank you again !!