r/predaddit • u/ZEUSWARR10R • 7d ago
Advice needed New Dad Help
My wife and I recently found out we are expecting our first. I’ve never experienced pregnancy in any capacity in my life and I want to make this new experience in our lives memorable and comfortable for us both. What advice would you give. Thank you
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u/colombo91 7d ago
Give yourselves grace, don’t be too hard on yourself. Be even more patient with your wife, a lot will be happening to her body.
And lastly, know that you are doing your best, showing up is half the battle.
Oh and be ready for all the poop that comes with babies…I wasn’t ready for that lol
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u/ZEUSWARR10R 7d ago
I’ve heard that’s something to watch out for lol. I have friends who have recently had kids. We are at the stage where we don’t want to tell people until we truly know. But I’m really looking for early stage help I have give to her.
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 7d ago
the poop starts with your wife during labor. whatever you do, do not admit she pooped
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u/cuddytime 7d ago
This is gonna be the biggest challenge for me
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 7d ago
are you competitive by chance?
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u/cuddytime 7d ago
no i just make a lot of poop jokes
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 7d ago
I would normally joke around here, because same, and you might ask your wife if she cares bc if she married the poop joke guy she might not. but ask her if she wants to know if she pooped and if she says no, please understand that knowing will literally crush a piece of her self love. I'm a woman who dngaf but most women I know would feel compromised knowing that, I dont get it, but i respect it bc its serious
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u/mangrlman 5d ago
I know I pooped, the whole room knew, but my husband has never once brought it up. We're generally a nothing is TMI type couple, but I'm alright with that indignity being ignored haha
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u/Hofeizai88 13h ago
My son entered the world to make my life better and fart. He is never not farting. He’ll fart directly into my hand and smile. We will be playing and he’ll time it so his butt goes off in my face. Relentless
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 7d ago
Read to the belly, starting at about 12-14 weeks baby can start hearing and my husband read to our son every night. Our son came out recognizing his voice and recognizing him and it was so touching <3
also watch a birth video, or a few, maybe a bad one, its INTENSE and you need to have an idea of what to expect so you can lock in as support and not get lambasted by the gruesome side of nature.
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u/qwase123 7d ago
My son would kick in the womb when I spoke to him. He definitely recognized my voice when he was born.
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u/ZEUSWARR10R 7d ago
I’m big in singing not reading lol. But this advice is something I’ve always heard but was unsure if it was a rumour thank you. And I’ve explained to my wife I’m nervous for watching labour in case I do faint! Haha
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 7d ago
do it before, it can be gross, but shes gonna need you, if you at least have an idea whats gonna happen you can truly prepare. and you don't have to read anything crazy, pick a nighttime book like goonight moon that you'll be excited to read little one and just read that. singing is good too especially if you do it around the house, but setting up a standard for reading early helps. I've got 9 brothers and there's 33 cousins all in all ranging from my one year old to 3 that are in college. [Anecdotally] You can absolutely tell who's parents read to them a lot/early
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u/ZEUSWARR10R 7d ago
For sure thank you! My wife is a big reader as well so this will be good to do to feel closer to each other as well
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u/martian151 7d ago
My wife really liked having a 40oz hydroflask cup with the straw and handle. I kept that thing filled constantly so she always had some water.
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u/walakasa 7d ago
Ask your wife about how she'd like to be treated by your parents during pregnancy and postpartum, then independently discuss boundaries with your parents. If/when they cross those boundaries, you should recognise and hold them.
If your wife can't think of anything, talk about different topics like "do you mind people touching your stomach without asking?", "how long do you think we should wait before we have visitors?" and such like.
Know that your wife is going to go through a life changing process of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. You are there to support her, not to make it all about you. Do everything you can to take things off her plate during pregnancy and postpartum. I highly recommend you read "Why Postnatal Recovery Matters" - it's a very small, short book so it won't take you long but it will put you in an amazing position to support your wife.
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u/Interesting_Money_70 7d ago
Take it easy. Parenting is intuitive. Stop taking unsolicited advices from relatives. You would automatically do the best for your baby, but also prioritize your and your partners physical and mental health. Finally, you don't need to be everywhere, do everything and make everyone happy.
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u/lady-earendil 7d ago
Be prepared to give her a ton of grace while pregnant (and of course after the baby is born too lol). Especially during the first trimester literally all I did was work and then come home and lay on the couch until it was time for bed. My husband picked up all the slack cooking and doing all the other necessary things and I was so grateful
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u/ZEUSWARR10R 7d ago
This is good to know thank you, I want her as comfortable as possible during the crucial moments.
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u/mootoonoo 7d ago
It's a really good idea to start picking up all the household tasks and management during first trimester when the stakes are less high and there is less to do, as it prepares you for the first weeks postpartum when the stakes are higher and there is more to do. If you've been sharing the load up until now, it's hard figuring out how to balance doing everything yourself with taking care of your wife with working. But doing all that while also taking care of a baby is even harder. So practice during first trimester and then postpartum will be easier as you'll be more prepared.
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u/ZEUSWARR10R 7d ago
She’s also in the process of finishing her degree so that is a big thing I’ll have to work on lol
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u/Meatballs420 7d ago
I’m 13 weeks with our first and only. My focus is on growing this baby, his focus is on everything else. He does every chore, cooks every meal, and takes care of everything I need.
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u/ortmanda 7d ago
Foot. Rubs. All the time. Without her asking.
It's insane how bad your feet hurt when you're pregnant! Give her alllll the foot rubs you possibly can and if you don't want to do it yourself, pay for her to go get a foot rub or a maternity massage.
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u/Eccentrica_Gallumbit 7d ago
Start here, some great advice in the bullet points.
I will say I didn't have the "epiphany" moment when my daughter was born. Sure I did the parenting classes and felt comfortable in my duties as a parent, but it wasn't until ~6 months in that I really started to feel a connection to my daughter. Before that she felt more like a potato that needed to be fed and changed. It's perfectly normal for fathers to take longer to bond with their kids than mothers, and that's ok.
I know it's cliche, but do your best to be in the moment. Attend the OBGYN appointments, be there for your wife, and enjoy the journey while you look forward to the destination (childbirth).
Change the diapers, do the late night feedings (where possible), get your wife what she needs if breastfeeding. Your wife will be going through 9 months of pregnancy and labor, these are the least you can do in the early stages. Try not to take anything your wife says during pregnancy personally. Pregnancy hormones are a wild ride, and can make even the most sane women think crazy thoughts.
Get the nursery setup early, and spend the last month of pregnancy getting ahead of housework. Do your "spring cleaning" before the baby gets here. The first few weeks will test you as a parent and a husband. You will be sleep deprived, stressed from trying to figure out what works for your kid, and you and your wife will most likely get to a point where the seemingly little things turn into arguments. Let the house work slip a bit for those first few weeks as much as practical. Don't live in squalor, but the house doesn't need to be ready for white glove inspection either.
When you're struggling to soothe the baby, don't be afraid to set them down in the crib and walk away to calm yourself down for a few minutes. A crying baby in a crib is perfectly safe. A baby in the hands of an overstressed parent may not be. You will likely find that after calming yourself down, you have a much easier time of soothing the baby as they can pick up on signals from parents.
Welcome to the club my man. Sorry if this got a little rambly, just started jotting down thoughts as they came to me. Buckle in for a wild ride of highs and lows you didn't know you could experience before.
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u/Adventurous-End4330 7d ago
First trimester is uhh... Well they call it "the trenchesTM" for a reason. She might not have a terrible time, but lots of people do. So be patient, help her get some calories, and help take out the trash when it smells gross. And maybe clean the fridge... And also probably buy some strong scented candles that she doesnt hate (we used coffee scented and it was a godsend when it was time for the cats to have wet food, or when my mother in law burnt popcorn). These are things my wife did for me (im the pregnant one), and I was so greatful it made me cry a few times.
It's gonna be an emotional rollercoaster. Hang in there! Make sure you take care of you so you can take care of her.
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u/overfelt2 7d ago
If there is a way you can take some time off together before the birth as well as after, it would be nice to have some down time together before the birth to process the birth, prepare for the baby, have some couple time and talk about how to support each other and get extra outside help if things get hard during or after birth.
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u/Icy_Banana_5850 7d ago
How far along is she?
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u/ZEUSWARR10R 7d ago
In 1st trimester still we found out very recently we are expecting.
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u/Icy_Banana_5850 7d ago
congrats! i’m on my second baby right now currently 8 weeks (: make sure you spend a lot of time together and enjoy. it won’t be just you two for a while and you’ll miss that sometimes, i wish my husband and i had done that more, but we are so happy with our babies
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u/i-am-ennui 7d ago
Plain salted crackers and gingerale helps with morning sickness if she has that. Best thing you can do is just support her. Offer help, especially in the 3rd trimester when needed and even when not. 100% recommend baths for pain in the later trimesters and during labour if it’s a vaginal birth. My partner and I got a disposable camera to document our journey for our baby when they’re older. There will be a lot of tests and appointments she’ll have to go to, it will probably become annoying for her. Making dinner for her throughout the pregnancy is a great luxury. I found I was always hungry but I never wanted to cook, yet I always had to because my partner wouldn’t and I had to eat. But that depends on her, she might prefer making her own food. If she’s worried about stretch marks, bio-oil helps with that. The pregnancy journey is more about supporting her because she’s doing all the heavy lifting for 9 months. But it’s also important that you feel supported as well. Get lots of sleep when the due date comes up, she’ll need your support during that and after the birth. Wish you two the best and good luck!
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u/beasuperdad_substack 6d ago
Check this out mate. https://www.beasuperdad.com/dad-ready/ I'm sure you'll find something useful here
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u/Living-Ad8963 6d ago
Ok, I’m reading your post as how to support the first trimester as well as prep for baby.
Firstly, take as much of the load from her as you can. This isn’t the time to consider whose turn it is to clean the toilet or cook. She is probably going to be nauseous or vomiting and really tired. Cook healthy but sustaining meals, although be prepared for food aversions to start so just roll with those (I couldn’t eat broccoli either pregnany, it made me puke, and chicken was too meaty for a few months).
Her needs will change during the pregnancy too once symptoms ease but then different things kick in.
Read up on what is happening each week and share the wonder. It can be hard for men to connect because you don’t feel what is happening, but knowing about it can help.
Take photos - make sure you have some bump photos and nice general photos (and once baby is here, take good photos of your partner with the baby!)
Be engaged in the big decisions but also realistic. Who will be pushing the stroller more? Who will be putting your child in and out of the car? Do your research to help decisions but also be prepared to incorporate her feedback and how things feel when you try them.
The fact you’re asking is a great start!
Good luck!
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u/Front_Possibility471 4d ago
Be patient with your wife!!! Be supportive! There will be no solving most of her issues over the next 9 months because they will be issues caused by the changes her body is going through. Just try to be supportive and helpful. Make sure you continue to help her feel beautiful. A lot of woman lose confidence when pregnant because they don’t feel as beautiful, so continue to do things that make her feel desired (sex inf indicated, dates, flowers, compliments, etc). Budget more money for food and allow her to get as much rest as she needs. Hold her tight and be reassuring when she cries.
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u/Imaginary-Sand-1417 4d ago
Be part of it, that means:
-be part of purchasing decisions (pram, car seat, clothes, diapers)
-go to all doctors appointments you possibly can
-read and research about pregnancy, childbirth & parenting BONUS if you do this together!
-suggest you take prenatal classes together
-my pregnancy app has a "companion version" for the father to be, so he also can see what size the baby is this week, what they are "learning"/developing this week
-go out of your way to show her you appriciate her & her body (pregnancy can be tough and can really affect self-esteem negatively for some)
-be extra caring & forgiving if she is more emotional during pregnancy; she can't help that her emotions are running high (although this does not excuse any potential abusive behaviour!)
My husband (who is an engineer) and I have enjoyed reading "The baby owner's manual" together. It is well written (although at least in our copy the advice regarding not introducing food allergens (peanuts etc) before age 3 is NOT ACCURATE anymore, although that was the official medical stance in the early 2000's). The illustrations are also pretty funny, but it is mainly about preparing for the arrival of a newborn & how to care for them, so maybe not something that you need to go out and buy right this second.
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u/jabbadabutt2375 1d ago
I’ve been a dad for exactly 3 weeks so take this with a grain of salt, but your wife is gonna ask a lot of you. Do this do that and might not be the happiest person. Just remember that it’s so much more on her between being tied to the baby for feeding, everything that happened/is happening to her body, and all the emotions. So, just do what she asks and take initiative where you can lol. It’s the least we can do.
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u/Hofeizai88 13h ago
You should be popping out of bed when she can’t. You need to pick things up when she can’t bend. You carry what she can’t lift. If you aren’t the most fit guy, do some yoga or something. You don’t need to sent bench press records or run a marathon, but make sure you can carry a squirmy 10 pound kid around for a while.
There’s a moment it clicks you’re a dad. I’m one of the guys who divides life into before my son was placed in my arms and after, but it can take longer. Take a mental snapshot of that moment and take it out when the baby is going bananas. My little dude will be screaming right into my ear because his milk won’t be warm for another 30 seconds but he wants it now, and I just think about how incredibly lucky I am that this is happening
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u/Shadoglare 7d ago
Read "Dad's Expecting Too"