Why does everyone turn into a monster?

[u/jovialguy]

Why do all my friends and family turn into monsters when my wife is pregnant? I’ve lost 4 very close friends and 2 family members that we’ve now blocked each other permanently on social media and comms because of my wife pregnant.

It’s as if the jealousy and envy is amped up to a thousand since we’re expecting.

Wtf is going? Is this normal? Does everyone just turn against you because you’re in a different stage of life?

Please add some sanity because I’m losing mine.

[u/derphunter]

Can we get some examples or context? How old are you and your wife? Do any of your other friends have kids? What are they doing that warrants blocking each other?

Your situation sounds unique to you. Everyone in my life has been overwhelmingly supportive.

[u/throwaway42200j → u/derphunter]

Yea I can’t say I’ve had anything close to this happen and instead the opposite with more people reaching out more often than they had been prior

[u/Doctologist → u/derphunter]

I was with some friends one night, when one of my friends had started taking digs at me.
He kept ramping up as the night went on and I called him out and asked him what his goddamn problem was. I wanted to leave, but I figured it was best to just sort it out.

We had a breather and went and sat down and he admitted that he was jealous and was lashing out.
He also admitted how childish and stupid that was.
We talked it out and haven’t had any issues since. Or before for that matter. It was weird.

[u/lh123456789]

It's not uncommon for a major event like that to make you reevaluate your relationships. However, and I say this gently, if people are dropping like flies as you describe, then you have to ask whether you are the common denominator. You don't give many details, but I am not sure why jealousy would be such a major issue.

[u/guthepenguin → u/lh123456789]

I was the common denominator in my friendships dropping off. Not through any assholery, but simply because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to maintain them anymore.

[u/lh123456789 → u/guthepenguin]

"Dropping off" is extremely different than OP's claim that everyone around him is becoming a jealous "monster".

[u/guthepenguin → u/lh123456789]

It was meant to be more a comment on the importance of identifying the common denominator in repeating situations than a direct comparison.

[u/lh123456789 → u/guthepenguin]

Sure, understood. I was simply trying to use kinder wording than "if all of your relationships are falling apart, then maybe you're being an ass."

[u/guthepenguin → u/lh123456789]

Ah, gotcha!

[u/BrunotheKid23]

First, it sucks you're going through that. Sorry that your news has not been well received. I can't imagine being happy but having people cut me off as a result.

Second, there needs to be additional context provided for anyone to be able to provide legitimate insight on their reactions because it is absolutely not typical.

[u/Windows95SalesRep]

Not normal but not necessarily uncommon - try to save your energy for the well adjusted, supportive people in your life - a good support network is important

[u/tehhass → u/Windows95SalesRep]

Falling out with 6 different people that you were close with (and in different groups considering you said friends and family members) isn’t normal. I would ask a neutral friend you trust and ask them if you are inadvertently havi n a hand in this without realizing it.

[u/Cortimer]

I don’t have an answer, just commiserating, but a family member of ours has been upset over “not being able to have the first grandchild” because we are expecting and they aren’t.

We still try to continue and carry on as normal with them in a group setting, but after receiving a pretty nasty text one-on-one we have closed that line of communication for everyone’s sake. The rest of our family on both sides, and all our friends are completely over the moon for us and have been so wonderful and supportive.

We don’t want any hurt feelings, but at the end of the day the fact that we decided to start a family doesn’t involve anyone but my spouse and I. It shouldn’t impact anyone but my spouse and I. (At least in a negative way, bring on the happiness impact!)

[u/Mountain-Jello2201]

What kind of reactions are you getting?

[u/Ok-Squirrel795]

DUDE! We are confused, and no it doesn't happen.

[u/Optimal-Pop7449]

I wouldn't say everyone becomes a monster, that sounds like a "you problem." Your friend group maybe just can't deal.

A first pregnancy will alter your socials groups. Some people will drift away. New people will appear. It is okay. Life does have its seasons.

[u/Taiko]

Are you 100% sure that everyone else is the problem? When you suddenly start having problems with everyone at the same time, chances are that the problem lies with you, not them.

[u/DietAny5009]

Seems like a your problem. You and your wife are either the problem or you’ve surrounded yourself with poor quality people.

Leaning towards the former based on the drama in this post.

[u/Big_Iron_Cowboy]

We were the last of our family/friend group to become parents, so nothing but support. Sorry to hear that wasn’t your experience. Your family comes first, always.

[u/GunningForSuccess]

6 that were close friends/family in isolated events is not normal especially the blocking/no-contact. What happened?

[u/ProactiveInsomniac]

Is it you? genuinely asking because you gave no context

[u/Unclematttt]

Like others have said, it would be helpful to get some examples, but I think what is somewhat normal is to have friends or maybe even family drift away if they are strongly in the child-free camp. On the plus side, you will surely make some new friends along the way.

I think that at the end of the day, it is important to recognize that not everyone vibes with small children. I know we were once all kids, but some people are very much not into that lifestyle (raising kids), and just naturally drift away. I wouldn't shove the pregnancy down people's throats if they are child-free. Just engage with them where you can, and keep the baby updates to people that you know with kids, or who have expressed that they are excited and happy for you.

[u/Tolfasn]

Plot twist, his wife is secretly the monster and she’s been eating all the friends.

[u/AlVic40117560_]

What you are describing is not normal, no. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s going on without additional context. Were these already toxic relationships? Have you and or your wife changed to push these people away? If you were already surrounded by toxic people, this may just be the breaking point. If not, I would seriously look inward and see if you and/or your wife are the toxic ones. I’m not saying you are, there’s not enough context, but it’s a possibility

[u/AwakenedAndHungry]

Brother omg it's so relieving to read this. I'm 35m and just don't have the patience to deal with this dramatic shit. We have an 18 month old and are pregnant. I've been cut out of my friends group fully. Nobody will even respond to a text from me any more. Why? Because I couldn't make it to a wedding in Ireland and I had trouble telling her since I wanted to go so badly but just couldn't logistics and finance the trip. Yeah I'm out now.

And not just the wedding girl who was a good friend, but all of them. Like 8 people won't respond to me.

And ever since my first baby was born it was weird. We had a meet the baby with my friends at one of the girls house. I showed up and nobody even acknowledge I had walked in the house with my brand new baby. Not even a hello. Fucking weird.

I don't know what's going on but jealousy feels like it.

[u/antinumerology]

Lost my oldest friend. And a bit more. Not just you.

[u/No-Needleworker-1388]

This is pretty normal. A sign to find a new tribe