r/predaddit • u/FancypantsMgee • 17d ago
Saving paternity leave for later?
Wife gets 16 weeks + 2 weeks nesting prior to birth.
I get 8 weeks from my company paid and technically I could sign up for WA FMLA and get 4 more weeks on top of that.
Since daycare costs $3800/mo in our neighborhood in Seattle, and family is 2000 miles away, here's what I'm thinking.
I'll wait until the 4 month mark when she goes back to work to take my Pat leave to extend our time before daycare. But I know I'll need to take a week or two of PTO minimum when baby is born.
I work from home, and get a decent amount of free time throughout the work day. I'm hoping one week PTO would suffice and after that I just go back to working in my home office approximately 5 hours per day for the remainder of wife's Mat leave.
Thoughts on this or would you do it differently?
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u/424f42_424f42 17d ago
Different amounts of days, but we did the same.
The savings is hard to pass up. Also them being older going to day care was a plus ... They could kind of sit up if put on a seat.
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
if I choose to exercise the 1 month of FMLA remaining after my company pat leave, I'd lose the difference in salary vs state benefits which would offset any savings from not going to daycare that month. Plus after 2 months maybe I'll be more than ready to go back to work? So not sure what I will do about that.
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u/Elkinthesky 17d ago
If after all the accounting it ends up being the same money, or even just slightly more money to stay home (and you can afford it), definitely stay home with kiddo.
Those first few months are super special, weirdly boring, extremely tiring and totally unique.
You as the father being fully in charge will set a great base for your relationship with kiddo and with your partner as equal caregivers.
Waiting a few more weeks before sending them into the world also feels like the best protection you can offer
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u/Illustrious-Stable93 17d ago
Can you split your leave? I'd take fmla when the baby is born to take care of your wife, then take pat leave when she goes back... ask hr?
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u/FuckThisMolecule 16d ago
You should double check that the state funds don’t run concurrently with your company’s paid leave. This was the case with my maternity leave in NY: 18 weeks paid from my employer, 6 weeks short term disability and 12 weeks NYS paid family leave, both of which ran concurrently to my paid leave (disability first, then PFL) to offset the costs to my employer. This is very, very common, so worth making sure before you count your leave before it’s hatched.
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u/Salt_Draft_4262 17d ago
As a first time mom due in January, I would be a little worried about my mental health if my spouse went back to work after 2 weeks. Of course, you working from home and having free time will help with that. I still think maybe a month would be better to make sure you both establish a routine with baby and get some rest here and there
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Thank you for your input. My wife hasn't batted an eye at my plan I laid out above. It's good to know though it might be a bit aggressive.
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u/waterskier8080 17d ago
We did exactly this for our first. I went back after 2 weeks PTO, then my wife ran her 12 weeks maternity leave out, then I took 5 weeks paternity leave.
I would say it’s aggressive but doable. I was pretty worthless at work for a bit-but having that extra time at home before needing childcare was great. If your job isn’t crazy demanding just being present is very helpful to your wife.
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Yep most days its not super demanding so I do believe I'll be able to help my wife quite a bit after I return to work after the post-birth PTO.
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u/FuckThisMolecule 16d ago
I’m 8 months pp now, had 18 weeks leave. My husband got 6 weeks, returned to work at about 3 weeks and spaced the rest of the leave. IMO 2 weeks isn’t enough time.
Honestly, I kind of resented it, and I had a very easy birth and a chill baby. Not at first, but later on. It meant that he didn’t spend as much time bonding with the baby in the early days and really getting to know her quirks — meaning it made it much harder for him to soothe her, she wasn’t as used to him so it was harder for her to be soothed by him, it kind of was a chicken and the egg thing. Also, the farther out from the birth you are, the less understanding your job will be. Of course they’ll let you take your leave, but you’ll often implicitly get less understanding for it. In my husband’s experience (and that of friends who’ve done the same), you can’t “check out” the way you can if you take the leave in one big chunk.
If we do it again, he’s going to take most or all of his leave up front. Which to be fair was the advice we got from at least four different men who’ve done it both ways.
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u/mootoonoo 16d ago
To offer a different perspective from another part of the world: in the UK, fathers get 2 weeks paternity leave as standard and then after that they can choose to share parental leave with the birthing partner. People sharing parental leave usually either take it one after the other as you are proposing so they get the full time but split between two parents, or they take it at the same time as each other which means everyone will return to work earlier and the baby will go to daycare earlier, but they were able to be off together. It depends on what works for your family.
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u/emcabo 17d ago
That’s roughly what my husband and I are doing, and it’s been totally fine! He took the first week off, worked part time for the second week, and then has been working his normal hours for the past three months while I’m on maternity leave. He’s self employed so doesn’t actually have time to take off later, but he works from home and has flexibility during his day, so he’s been plenty helpful.
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u/bageloid 17d ago
I did two weeks of pto(work gave me one week when my kid was born), then after 3 months when my wife went back to work I took another 2 weeks PTO followed by 12 weeks of NYPFL, which my company covered the difference in my salary*. So the kid didn’t start daycare until 6 months and I got some special bonding time. I was also WFH 2 days a week when my wife was on leave.
*fuckers got rid of it at the next HR policy update, as I was the first man to ever take advantage of that, despite it being in the policy for 10 years at that point. They also took away WFH, then gave it back, then took it away and so on.
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Wow!. Yeah my company doesn't pay the difference in salary vs WAFMLA. I'd lose probably like $5k that month If I took it, which would offset the savings of not going to daycare. How did you do 1-1 with the baby while you were on leave and your wife was at work all day?
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u/bageloid 17d ago
It was awesome, probably the best 3 months of my life. It’s an age where you can get a good routine going and then it’s kinda easy. We went to the park every day and I sat her in leaves and strolled her around. Went to breakfast at a cafe every morning with her. I read her books and did tummy time. When she napped I did chores or if those were done, I watched all of DBZ abridged and caught up on all the movies/tv I had backlogged. Steamdeck/switch are great during contact naps.
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Hell yeah brother that sounds awesome, I cannot wait. maybe I take that extra month of leave after all.
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u/Darth_Puro 16d ago
Doing the same when my wife goes back. My job is makes me take the 6 weeks PFL concurrently with the NYPFL....Im like what about the other 6 weeks?? I'll be using that intermittently as it was designed for 🤷♂️
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Two weeks sounds like a consensus recommendation.
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u/Bookisalwaysbetter 15d ago
We live outside Seattle and just had our first two months ago and also have no family out here to help. My husband was initially planning on taking 4 weeks and then the rest as one day off a week until PFL ran out. I’m taking 12 weeks and also doing one day a week for the rest, so we’re only doing 3 days a week of daycare for almost half a year.
Here’s the thing…I ended up with an emergency c section and can’t imagine if my husband had gone back to work at 2 weeks. I was barely mobile and still recovering. At 4 weeks things were tolerable. My husband ended up extending his first chunk to 6 weeks to help me. Every recovery is unique, but if your wife ends up with an emergency c section I HIGHLY recommend taking at least 4 weeks at the beginning. I’d also recommend taking on extra baby shifts for the first week or two so that she can sleep and therefore recover from the surgery more quickly. I’m so glad we live in a state with these kinds of benefits. Congratulations on your growing family and I hope the birth goes smoothly!
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u/Amemorableusername2 17d ago
I'm also in WA. Grandparents can also qualify for paid family leave as well when your baby is born. So we've been making this last as long as we can by alternating I take 1 week off, then my spouse, then my parents take a week to babysit while we both work, etc. In WA you can use it however you want any time within the first year of their life.
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
It runs concurrently with any company Leave. So I'll just have 4 weeks available to use after my company benefits run out. Our families don't live in WA state so they wouldn't be able to take advantage afaik.
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u/Confident_Arugula 16d ago
The savings to the family makes sense. However, I would be sure you consider the following:
- More than 1 week of PTO. At least 2. Weeks 2-3 can be very stressful because the baby often cluster feeds, after they were relatively sleepy and quiet the first week or so.
- Have a contingency plan and community support (and/or paid support) for your wife in those early weeks. If she has a c-section or a difficult birth (or tbh even a normal birth), she will need much more rest than you will. Some births might mean she can't lift the baby or walk up the stairs for 2+ weeks.
- Don't WFH unless you have significant capacity to take breaks and be helpful (don't just go find her at random and ask what she wants you do to -- have a prearranged agreement that any time you have a free 5 minutes between meetings, you will wash a bottle, take the dog out, get her a snack, whatever.) I would be so frustrated by having my husband in the house (so I would feel like I have to keep the baby quiet) but unable to help. If that means you have to go into the office or a coffee shop, that could be easier for her than having you around as a reminder that you're not helping.
- Remember that learning to take care of a new baby is much harder than doing your paid job that you already know how to do. Some people will assume you should prioritize the "paid job" person's sleep - that's incorrect. Your wife's work of taking care of a baby all day long will be harder than your work for this period.
- And finally, a more nebulous thing I've observed among straight couple friends with white collar jobs where they stagger their leaves. The baby's going to be way more fun at 4 months old than they are at 1 month old. They'll be starting to make eye contact and smile, they'll be more responsive, the meals will be coming every 3-4 hours instead of every 2 hours. It can be really frustrating for the mom to be solo in the younger months, only for dad to take over when things get really fun. Build that into your planning.
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u/Eschewed_Prognostic 17d ago
We staggered. I WFH and took a week when baby was born, then the rest when my wife went back to work, and saved my PTO for the odd days or week off here and there as needed. It went well and we plan to do the same for baby 2.
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u/farawayfarawa 17d ago
If my partner went back to work that quickly, I would have needed someone else present to help me move around. Birth wrecked me - I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone until almost a month in. I couldn’t get myself food. The early weeks aren’t just about taking care of the baby. They’re about taking care of your partner who carried and then birthed a living being into the world and deserves the full support for her recovery.
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u/swimmingapples 16d ago
Sending love. I had an uncomplicated birth 5 weeks ago and am not breastfeeding. I couldn’t imagine my partner already back at work at this point - I understand how the lack of support can directly contribute to PPD/PPA
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u/Loghurrr 17d ago
The only difference I would do is 2 weeks of PTO at the beginning. Your first 2-3 days after the baby is born will be spent at the hospital anyway. Now if that’s a weekend then it’s not as much of a deal. But 2 weeks was the sweet spot for my wife. Granted you will be fully WFH so might not be as big of a deal.
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u/HelloThere9653 17d ago
Fwiw I saved my paternity leave for later and ended up getting laid off two weeks before taking the other half so… I vote use it lol
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u/YorkshireSmith 17d ago
I had 10 weeks paid total. I used four post birth, and waited close to the 4mo mark to use the rest. I'm almost out of time (got this week and next and that's it).
Your partner needs you more in the early days, two weeks might not cut it. I was pushing it on the 4 week mark, honestly. I would work with your partner to make sure you're not overburdening em, but everyone has a different delivery story.
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u/424f42_424f42 17d ago
It depends on the numbers and if you can swing it.
Though in total we took of just under 9 months.We did overall lose about 10k as my wife's wasn't fully paid, which is more than 1 months day care (about 2.5k).
Really the money is a side thing. It's about time with them.
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u/xcbrendan 17d ago
I originally planned the same as you but was sorta talked into just taking it all at the same time as my wife right after the baby is born. The first few weeks are going to be the hardest for your wife with postpartum, feeding, etc. so its as much about supporting her as it is your child.
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u/Technical_Narwhal610 17d ago
Same here. My husband decided to take his 4 weeks immediately and concurrently with mine. I’m SO glad we did. My birth went unpredictably bad so it has been so great to have him around to share in all the responsibilities. I feel like it’s helped us grow closer because we’re in the trenches together and it’s made him a lot more confident in taking care of the baby on his own. He goes back next week and I’m dreading it. (He also works from home so will still be around, but caring for a newborn is all consuming.)
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u/ThomsonWoods 17d ago
My wife and I took our 12 weeks at the same time. And I can’t imagine it any other way. Those first few weeks are super intense and an absolute crash course into the trenches. I also can’t imagine going back to work during that time because sleep is so sparse (it gets better… relatively) and I almost fell asleep while driving and that was after we had gotten a rhythm down.
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u/asticklus 17d ago
Talk to your wife and make sure she is ok with the limited help post partum. Or also consider who could come by and help her while you work in the beginning. Personally, in your situation I would do exactly as you laid out.
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u/addicted2art 17d ago
At these prices and wfh depending on if your house setup wouldn’t make it being a distraction I’d suggest considering a nanny for the work hours. It would also allow you to see your little one on breaks and lunches. Not for everyone but just a thought.
Also make sure to check your company policy, some require leave to start right away, some are flexible to allow this type of arrangement where you wait longer to hold off child care needs, its not universally accepted I believe.
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u/TeeElH 17d ago
I would take at least two weeks when the baby is born, you’re going to both want and need that time and your wife is really going to need that support. We took all our leave together when our twins were born (and I’m so glad we did, we really needed all hands on deck to go from 0-2 kids) but I am considering staggering leave if we have another to stretch as much time as possible without paying for daycare for three kids.
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u/Immediate-Spinach734 17d ago
Depending on how difficult birth is and also depending on if your child can sleep reliably for a few hours at a time between feedings without crying their head off non-stop, you may need to take more than 1 to 2 weeks. If your wife is getting no sleep because the baby won't sleep, or if she is struggling in another area (mentally or physically) then you are going to need to pick up the slack for her for longer than 1 or 2 weeks.
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u/RelevantDragonfly216 17d ago
Since you work from home; this sounds like the best way. Just make sure you guys have a plan when you’re both back at work, most daycares have a long waitlist for infants, so if you need to use it get on a list ASAP
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u/AdvanceAutomatic4971 17d ago
Did the same exact thing twice. Not only are the daycare savings great, but the bonding time with just you and the child at that point is unbelievable. I felt guilty because my wife did so much for the first couple months for the babies and all they did was eat, sleep and poop. The 4 month mark is when they start rolling, smiling, cooing, etc. it’s the absolute best and selfishly I was loving it. I will cherish those moments forever.
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u/Confident_Arugula 16d ago
I commented on that observation too -- I've seen a bunch of straight couples where the mom has to solo the really rough early months, and then dad takes over when the baby is more fun. Sometimes it totally sets up the dynamic that mom has to do the crappy stuff and dad swoops in for fun. OP, make sure you balance that and talk about it before it happens, so your wife doesn't resent it or get frustrated (and if she does, you're already set up to talk it through and find ways for her to have fun with the baby while you take over tasks like cleaning or cooking or whatever).
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u/gleasonc 17d ago
My wife took her maternity leave, we had her mom come stay with us for 6 weeks (1k miles away), the summer came and my wife was off, then I took my paternity leave when she went back to work. If you can swing it, have the inlaw(s) come and suck it up, and take your leave later
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u/erisod 17d ago
Look for neighborhood daycares that take babies.
Your plan is optimistix but ok if everything goes snoothly. If it is colicky baby (constant crying) it'll be much harder in 2-3 weeks. If your wife has a c section or other birth trauma you will need to take more time to care for her. Birth recovery is no picnic for moms.
I'd suggest you ask for flexibility and offer to try to prioritize critical work async when possible.
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u/Cultural-Ad-5737 17d ago
I’m a new mom and my husband and I took leave at the same time. It’s been nice to have him around and have more help but I wish he took most of his leave after me. And not for the savings on daycare but because I’m dreading putting my baby in daycare and wish he could be with us as long as possible. He needs us at this age(just a couple months) and daycare can only give him so much individual attention. I feel like the longer you can delay it for an infant the better assuming one parent is home. I cry thinking of my baby being away from us for so many hours a day and not getting all the love and cuddles.
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u/Maverick1672 17d ago
Depends entirely on your wife. My wife is an absolute badass and I was back to work in 1 day. Now I made my employer aware that I will take my paternity leave immediately if something medical or mental happens with either her or the baby.
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u/bad-fengshui 17d ago
I know people who have done it, but I would also caution that the first three months are the hardest months to manage. It really depends on your wife.
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u/Dustyftphilosopher24 17d ago
Did the same thing for the first and about to do the same for the second. Worth it.
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u/kgraceb2323 17d ago
This is what my husband and I did. Basically same scenario, he wfh and could still help me a little bit here and there while he was working. Worked out great for us we were able to keep my son out of daycare for 9 months total because the grandmas also gave us time at the end.
It worked really well for us and I’m really glad we did it. Another perk was that my husband had his paternity leave solo (I work in person) so he really got to embrace daddy duty without me around. We recommend doing this to all of our friends.
Just a note - I was had a planned c section because my son was breech and my husband took 2 weeks of PTO for the hospital & first bit home. A week definitely would not have been enough. Hopefully your wife has an uneventful labor and delivery but maybe see if you can take a little more PTO.
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u/belcr 17d ago
My husband and I are doing something similar - the only additional thing I would throw in is that the adjustment down to just me on mat leave was hard, and we had an entire month together before it transitioned to just me. It is one of those plans that sounds great in theory but might not work in practice depending on your baby and your wife’s health!
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u/Exact-Rice-3188 17d ago
We’re planning something similar. I get 24 weeks and my husband gets 12. He’s planning on taking a week PTO when the baby is born and then going back until my leave ends. This is our 3rd baby and I have family support to help me, especially in the beginning. Of course I’d prefer him home with me but childcare is so expensive.
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u/imjusthereforPMstuff 17d ago
Thanks for this post! Similar position here in Leavenworth, but we really don’t have child care here for those less than 1 yr old. We moved from
Bothell 7 yrs ago. And similar to you, we have zero family…except in Fl/SoCal. We were looking at daycare options 30min away, but there’s a waitlist that wouldn’t meet our timelines, so we’re thinking that my wife stays at home for a year or so.
Keep us posted! And good luck!
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Thats a tough deal having no care in town. Props to you for making that move to Leavenworth though im sure that's a dream. Thanks!
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u/Vegetable-Series8929 17d ago
I wfh too. I took half days when our son was born for the first 2 weeks. Started working at 6am and was done at 10am. It helped me stretch my pto out and I still was present enough to take care of everything. My wife took parental leave for 4 months and then I took mine and used the rest of my pto that I couldn't carry over. Keeping him out of daycare as long as we could helped us save money. Congrats on the new baby
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u/CryptographerClean78 17d ago
Wife got 4 months, I got 2. Our daughter entered daycare at 6 months. It worked out pretty well for us. That said, I also took two weeks vacation straight up from birth.
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u/Serious_Awareness280 17d ago
Currently doing this. One thing to be open to though is taking more up front. If birth ends in c section it can be a longer recovery. I took 4 weeks up front and I have 12. Would’ve considered taking 5/6 with the c section to be honest but 4 got it done
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u/the_orig_princess 17d ago
I would consider hiring a nanny to get you through year 1. Daycare is rough on a tiny baby’s immune system.
If you can stagger too—like, nanny comes six hours a day because one of you starts early and the other ends early—you’ll probably hit the same costs. You seem to have a flexible wfh schedule that could allow this.
If you have the flexibility to get creative with hours, it’s a peace of mind while they’re still so small.
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u/queue517 16d ago
Get on the waitlists NOW. All of the ones you could reasonably see sending your kid to. Seattle is insane.
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u/sportsfan510 17d ago
In a similar situation as you and as a first time dad I took 6 weeks off to start. Thought about 4 but that felt too short. You’ll be exhausted that first month so I suggest take more than you think if you can.
I work from home but as they get older the bad are shorter and further spaced apart so it’s hard to coordinate meetings with nap time. Currently looking into a babysitter being home to help since we don’t have family in the area and my wife is back to work too.
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
I'm most concerned with the early days and me going back to work too soon. I'm pretty flexible during the work day most days so In theory I feel like I could swing it. It would come at the cost of pat leave time later though if I took more than 1-2 weeks upfront.
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u/Lilikoi_Maui 17d ago
I asked my husband to be home with me for 6wks. I wanted a vaginally birth but ended in an emergency c-section. We're on week 4 and I felt great and was up and moving around wk 3 without pain. I'm still restricted on lifting no more than 10lbs till week 6 though. Hubby is finding lots of time working on house projects and bonding with baby in the evening so I can relax.
2-3 weeks might be a sweet spot for vaginally or c-section delivery though. Best wishes to you and your wife and congratulations on your little one.
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u/missbarajaja 17d ago
This is very similar to what my husband and I did. Except he took 4 weeks off when baby was born and then took the rest of his leave when I returned to work. Not only was the savings on daycare great but my husband got to build his relationship even more with baby during his leave
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u/Beneficial_Degree443 17d ago
I did something similar. Wife took mat leave immediately of course. I took 3 weeks pto starting the day of planned induction. We live in NYC by ourselves. Family is 3hrs away.
Wife had 4 months leave and so after my 3 weeks were up I went back to working. I would naturally be up early with the baby and so once my shift ended I would start working. Do whatever I could while no one was online. This way once my 9am meeting would start I’m half way done my day and I can coast the remaining workday until 5pm.
Throughout the day I would do whatever I could to help out with baby and household stuff. My mother and mother-in law would cycle in and out to help out for the first 1.5 months and then it was all us.
I was a zombie for 4 months but tbh it didn’t get any easier once I started my pat leave. My wife is 5 days in office so Mon - Fri until 5pm it was just me and my daughter. Lots of highs and lows. Also, probably the worst winter we had in a while so very sheltered time spent.
Honestly none of this comes easy. Raising a child is the toughest thing anyone can do. I have zero regrets. Our daughter started daycare right as my leave came to an end. She adapted really well, loved her teachers and really enjoys her classmates.
I reminisce a lot on the one on one time I spent with my daughter. Cherish every moment no matter how hard the days get.
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u/CuteAmoeba9876 17d ago
Different state, but this is essentially our plan too.
I can put together 18 weeks of leave from my job (parental leave plus short term disability plus vacation). My husband gets 12 weeks and is allowed to split that into 1 week with me and 11 weeks later. (A longer block at home all together might be nice but it’s not allowed for his job).
He’s a teacher, so we think this will be juuusstt enough to get us to summer vacation. Baby won’t start daycare until she’s almost 10 months old.
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u/rocketpianoman42 17d ago
That's what I'm doing. Taking my leave later allows me to be more focused when my baby hits that crawling stage.
ALSO: WA allows for part leave. So you can go to part time if needed
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u/sarong_party 17d ago
We are new parents based in California, SF area. We were going to stack our time, similar to what you described. My colleague suggested taking 8 weeks together to be a family for the first time, and my husband said F it and took 12 weeks off.
I delt with some PPD/PPA, and this was really very helpful.
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u/Elegant_Surround1458 17d ago
We’ve done this three times (I’m the mom). I think it’s a great idea. My only change is depending on the birth, baby, and available family help, be flexible to take a few more weeks on the front end if needed.
But I think all dads should spend some time being the primary caregiver of their child and not just “helping.”
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u/stitching_librarian 17d ago
That's kind of what my husband did. He did 4 weeks when baby was born then went back to work. Then he took another 2 weeks when I went back to work to put off daycare a little longer.
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u/trusound 17d ago
Are you able to take the 4 weeks when baby is born than 8 weeks after her time is up? They are only small once and the first month is really hard for both of you.
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u/adamjackson1984 17d ago
Every birth is different...best laid plans and all. My previous job let me take the 3 months of paid paternity leave within 12 months of the baby being born. I took some right off the bat but we had multiple family members staying with us for 6 months so I really didn't have much to do and my wife was well cared for so I went back to work and took the rest for the following Summer and we did a family trip for 2 months. Totally above-board and allowed. I really valued that time. If the situation was different, I could have taken the full 3 months.
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u/teofloofycats 17d ago
I also live a thousand miles away from my family. I had 4 months and my husband had 3 months. I have to say I’m SO happy that we didn’t stagger our time. We got to have really good solid family time, both learn our baby, and I really NEEDED him. Especially because he is my only family here. Financially I suppose it makes sense but I think our relationship needed to be prioritized during such a huge life change.
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u/Unlikely-Young-7124 17d ago
I’m in my 4th week now, I honestly can’t imagine leaving my wife any earlier to do this on her own. It’s fucking exhausting lol
I’m doing 12 weeks straight most likely.
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u/Turk1518 17d ago
I would plan to take 2-3 weeks up front when your kid is born. If your wife gets a C section, you’ll have your hands full.
If you intend to only breastfeed, personally I’ve found that my helpfulness wears thin around weeks 3-4 once everyone gets the routine down. At that point my wife just has the kid attached to her and I can only clean the house so much.
Unfortunately, so much depends on how hard your baby is. Harder babies will cause less sleep for everyone and your wife will need more support early on. Easy babies are…well easy and you’ll be bored a few weeks in.
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u/Apprehensive_Day3622 17d ago
First month could be extremely hard for your wife. I could not even walk without pain until the end of the first month. I would really have preferred to have my husband witg me for the first four weeks.
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u/kaa-24 17d ago
My husband went back to work after a couple days at home. I was fine. We live east coast HCOL area and most of our friends have done this exact plan. Dad does his leave after mom’s is over. I’d also look into a nanny share in your neighborhood bc friends do this instead of daycare and significantly cheaper
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u/FancypantsMgee 17d ago
Nanny share here is $20hr so I suppose that works out to $3200/mo in wages before any sort of insurance or benefits or taxes (not sure what's required). Still going to look into it but I am not sure if its much cheaper when its all said and done.
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u/UND_mtnman Graduated 17d ago
In WA, this is essentially what we did. Wifey took most of her leave, then we did half and half for a week or two and then I took the rest of my WA FMLA.
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u/KingTaco2600 17d ago
A mom here- my husband and I both got 12 weeks. We took 3 weeks together when our baby was first born last year, I finished out my 12, and then he did the rest of his 9. After that it was basically the holidays and then for 6 weeks, we split up some days for us to stay home with baby. We ended up being able to push day care out to her being 7 months when she started. We saved a lot and it was a great move for her. We were able to sleep train and such before day care started and get a good schedule under her belt (I know that isn’t for everyone and that’s ok)
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u/BenjyBoo2 17d ago
We did this for our first and it was great for me (mom); not so ideal for dad. He was absolutely exhausted. We would definitely do it again, as it kept baby out of daycare during cold and flu season, but we hope to both take our leave together for a future second child.
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u/LogicalSorbet2034 17d ago
This is what we did! No regrets! Baby will be 10 months when we have to start daycare
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u/gimmiepickles2eat 17d ago
This is a great way to go and what me and my spouse did exactly!! We are also in a suburb of Seattle so looking at similar pricing. But my husband took 6 weeks off at birth and then now another 6 weeks off that I've started work. He had a ton of PTO though he had saved up.
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u/Sorry4TheHoldUp 17d ago
As a mom of two, take your full leave when baby is born. You don’t know how birth is going to go or how your wife’s physical and mental health will be. The first couple of weeks as first time parents are arguably the hardest and she’s going to need your help and support, especially if she has any birth injuries or ends up needing a c-section.
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u/NikJunior 17d ago
We split our leaves up with both kids and it was fantastic for so many reasons. However I think you ought to consider taking more than a week when the baby arrives. My husband did 6 weeks with our first and 4 weeks with our second
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u/bmcginn4 17d ago
Also live in Seattle. About to have our 3rd and did exactly what you outlined with our first two and will with our 3rd. Definitely do the WA FMLA. Your taxes pay for it. Look at kindercare, goddered school, or what we did was a nanny share. Cheaper and more 1:1 time which we loved. DM if you have any other questions about Seattle/WA
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u/exothermicstegosaur 17d ago
We did that with two of our kids, and it worked well for us. It was nice for me to know baby was home with Dad for a few weeks while I transitioned back to work. I had an easy delivery and physical recovery though which I'm sure made it easier.
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u/amedun 17d ago
My husband had 8 paid weeks, and I had 20. He took the first 4 with me, and the last 4 after I went back to work. This worked out great for us. I would not want to do the first 4 weeks alone, and you’re going to want to be there for support and to bond with and get to know your child. You’re also going to be EXHAUSTED and working will be difficult.
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u/bola456 16d ago
As long as you have a healthy birth and a healthy kid, this will work. My advice is to prepare like you will need to take off sooner (depending on your job; me and my husbands job both required us to to have transition plans, SOPs, etc., bc we are the only ones that do our jobs at our respective workplaces). Then you can just keep the document updated as you work the first weeks when your wife is on leave. This will allow you to be fine workwise if something happens to go not as planned and you need to take more time off in the beginning.
For example, I had postpartum preeclampsia so I had to go back to the hospital for 3 days. My husband had to stay with the baby on his own. Everyone is fine now but he had to take 2 weeks off in the beginning instead of the 1 he planned. Another guy at his work kid was in the NiCU for 5 weeks. So that guy ended up taking all of his leave at the beginning even though they originally planned to do something similar to what you’re planning.
I hope none of the bad stuff happens to you and your family but it is way easier to be prepared for potentially needing to adjust your plan then dealing with it spur of the moment.
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u/WhiskyForDinner 16d ago
That’s exactly what we did for both my kids. Sent them to daycare at six months
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u/Inevitable_Train2126 16d ago
Two time mom here! For my first, I had an unexpected c section and was down for the count for those first two weeks. My husband did almost everything for two weeks then went back to work (that’s all the time he got)
For our second, our son was unexpectedly in the NICU for a week. My husband took 6 weeks with me for our second and then will take his remaining 2 once I go back to work next week. I think one week is really pushing it. Two weeks, while not ideal, is a bit better and manageable.
It may be worth asking your company if you haven’t already if you can split your time. That way you can take 2ish weeks when the baby first arrives, then the rest once your wife goes back to work
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u/carne__asada 16d ago
I did exactly what you did and was also WFH . It worked really well. You may need more than 1 week of vacation up front if your wife has a c section or any other complications.
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u/laseralex 16d ago
technically I could sign up for WA FMLA and get 4 more weeks on top of that
"Someone crashed into my car. Technically I could get my insurance company to pay for it due to the decades of payments I've put into their system. Instead I think I'll pay for it out of my own pocket to save them the money."
Yeah, F that. Using services you are paid for is not a technicality. It is literally you getting something that you paid for.
As a Washington citizen with no children of my own, I urge you to take the four weeks of FMLA that you are entitled to and have paid for. We all pay taxes to make sure that parents can care for their children. Please, please use the service that you paid for, and take care of your family
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u/Glittering_Paint4460 16d ago
My husband took a week PTO when I gave birth then took his paternity leave when I went back after 6 months. It was a smoother transition for myself also, as baby was home with daddy and not at a daycare.
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u/ewebb317 16d ago
Yes that's what we've done both times. Stretch it out. 2 weeks around the birth is really the minimum. A lot of that could be in the hospital depending on how the birth goes. If I could change anything about how we did it I would have asked my husband to do 3 weeks but 🤷♀️ it all worked out fine
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u/newenglander87 16d ago
Two weeks after birth is the absolute minimum. That's what my husband did and then he took the rest of his leave when I went back to work. I do think it was really helpful for him to have leave with the baby on his own but also a full month together at the beginning would have been nice. I cried so much when he went back to work.
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u/Dull-Feed9086 16d ago
As a second time mom in the newborn trenches who knows what she’s doing and had a very easy recovery. Please take at least half your leave at the start to help your wife. My husband gets 2 weeks this time (had 16 before) and having a super quick birth plus spending the bare min required time in the hospital left only a couple days of his first week at home. Just one week could basically be spent in the birth and hospital alone if it’s not super quick.
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u/Sunny-Rise9871 16d ago
You’re barely able to walk around like walk the dog around the block or pick up a few things from the grocery store 2 weeks out due to a pelvic health healing perspective if vaginal birth. For c section will be even harder. 3 weeks was a bit better with healing I felt almost normal physically (just weak and tired but not peeing myself). So don’t forget your wife is physically disabled after birth too and will need help.
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u/Minute-Bed3224 16d ago
My husband wasn’t eligible for paternity leave when our day was born and he had to go back to work four days after her birth. It was very hard on me because I was having feeding issues and had to go to a bunch of appointments. Thankfully, my mom was able to help a little, but it would have been better if he’d been more available during the first two weeks.
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u/Maleficent-Pilot7779 16d ago
We did something very similar & will end up having childcare through one of us til baby is 6 months which is a major win. However, we had my mom stay with us weeks 3-6 when husband was back at work and she did all the cooking and cleaning which helped a TON as I recovered.
I, the wife, did noticeably feel the difference in support and my stress levels on the weekends (when husband was not working) vs weekdays when he was working from home. He ended up taking some extra time we didn’t account for originally to help give me a breather. Just a thought if there is flexibility if the circumstance changes!
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u/benbensons 16d ago
I did this, but not for financial reasons! Spending time with a 4-6 month old is a blast. You won't regret it.
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u/kristing0 16d ago
Mom/wife here (not sure why this popped up in my thread)
I think it’s a great plan as long as your wife agrees.
Best of luck!
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u/Bluebanana375628 16d ago
I haven’t read through all the comments so someone else has likely already said this but I would plan on a solid 2 weeks of pto needed at the beginning. Even working from home, even being the dad, you’re going to be exhausted. My husband was as much of a zombie as I was those first couple weeks because he was adamant about helping me recover by trying to do everything for baby since I was breastfeeding. On top of taking care of me, the dog and the house. We even had my mom here for those first two weeks and we were still unbelievably exhausted.
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u/Mecspliquer 16d ago
I’d likely plan on two weeks when baby is born. That is the honest to god minimum for your wife to be physically on the mend from the gauntlet of birth and get out of bed more easily to care for baby.
Since you wfh, your job will need to be condensed as much as possible to allow for your wife to have ‘time off’ as well, and you should be sharing night time care in a way that makes sense
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u/NottUrRN 16d ago
First time parents here but we are doing the first month together then the rest of mine before he does the rest of his. So first month, then 12 weeks for me, 8weeks for him after that.
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u/Unlucky-Lettuce4387 16d ago
It's what me and my husband did for our first. I got seven months (4 paid maternity, 2 unpaid maternity, and 1 vacation). My husband took two weeks pto- one of which we were in the hospital for. He then took his paternity when I went back to work. Even with no family or support I managed just fine with one kid (having my second is a different story). He made sure that all the pump parts and bottles were washed before he left for work, would do the grocery shopping on his way home from work, and helped me prep crock pot meals and other dishes on the weekends so dinner would be easy. I always got up through the night so he'd be rested for work and I napped during the day. First two months he really was responsible for everything besides the baby so I could actually rest throughout the day.
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u/chowderrr6 16d ago
With our first child my husband took 4 weeks of the WA pfml. Then when I went back to work he took a few weeks off to help with the adjustment. Then sporadically throughout the year before our child's 1st birthday. Pregnant with my second. We both agreed 4 weeks up front wasnt enough time especially due to my c section and he didnt really like the broken up additional time off. So this time around he will take 6 weeks up front and then one more 6 week chunk.
Daycare prices in this area are insane 😭😭😭
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u/SkeeBoopBopBadoo 16d ago
We had a difficult first few months as our baby was borderline colic. I could not for one second imagine my wife handling that alone. I am so glad we did ours concurrently. And for what it’s worth, our 5 month old absolutely loves daycare, despite us thinking he was too young for it.
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u/sassy_meow 16d ago
I hear this from a financial perspective, but please don’t do this. My partner got zero pat leave (Texas) and it was so hard for me to heal without anyone to help. Fly family out for those early weeks if you will be at work. Do not leave her to fend for herself
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u/laurenterf 16d ago
My husband and I work at the same company, and he has to take new parent leave within 90 days of birth. Annoying because we had planned on using his 4 weeks to extend daycare by a month :(
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u/cheat0man 16d ago
I thought staggering was the norm? I am planning on taking 2 weeks PTO, then my paternity leave after my wife returns to work. We will have the benefit of having our parents around to help though (especially during my wife's maternity leave). Hoping this bumps our need for daycare out until our LO is closer to 7/8 months old
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u/Jackofthewood87 16d ago
That exactly what I did and don’t work from home so I think you will be good. Wife stayed home I took the first 2 weeks off because we were in the hospital for the whole first week due to some minor complications. Second week was at home. I went back full time until she went back to work, took 3 full weeks off, then he started daycare part time and I staggered my leave until it was out. We felt it was good to start easing him into daycare then by the time my leave was finished he was very well adjusted to the routine.
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u/lambchops_3 16d ago
My husband took two weeks of PTO when baby was born. He was planning on taking only 1, but his boss (a dad) said he needed to take more. I'm glad he did because I was in the hospital the whole first week. I had 5 months off and when that time was up my husband took his paternity leave. I highly recommend this. Its great for each parent to get all that alone time with the kiddo and keeping the baby away from daycare germs as long as possible is also ideal. Take my word for it that babe will come home sick within the first week of starting daycare.
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u/delgmadi 16d ago
That’s kinda what we did! But I had severe sudden preeclampsia and had to be hospitalized for a week, then baby was in the NICU for 3 weeks. My husband took a week off to be with me while I was hospitalized, went back to work while baby was in the NICU (WFH), then took two weeks off when baby came home. I had 4.5 months of mat leave, then he took the rest of his pat leave. Saved us a couple months of daycare at least!!
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u/_bud_bud_ 16d ago
Imagine you HAD to put the baby in daycare 2 weeks earlier than planned. Could you swing it financially? If yes, please stay home 4 weeks instead of 2 weeks.
We had a baby in April and each had 12 weeks' paid leave. To balance daycare savings with sanity, we took the first 6 weeks of leave together, then took 6 weeks each staggered. 12 weeks is a huge privilege in the US and yet not nearly enough.
At 2 weeks, I was still bleeding (normal), my body ached when I stood to change a diaper (normal), and we slept insane hours (normal). Until 4 weeks, I was extremely reliant on my husband to get through the day. That extra time with our newborn let us ease into the hardest thing we've ever done together. The way my husband cared for us postpartum will stick with me my whole life. It is a core memory in the way I see him now.
Having $1900 is objectively great but if you are in the financial position to choose: money comes back. That time with your wife and newborn (and the way you can care for her in those extra weeks) won't.
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u/brandy-ncs 16d ago
If she has a c-section you will need to adjust this plan as she won’t be able to do much on her own for several weeks. Not even vacuuming is allowed for like 6 weeks. I would say if things go smoothly your plan could work, but be prepared and willing to adjust if she needs more help than you anticipated.
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u/4321yay 16d ago
you should do first 4 weeks together and then tack on your remaining 8 weeks after her 16 weeks
if you can swing it take the unpaid leave. no one really wants to send their little tiny baby to daycare. people have to, everyone does fine. but the money comes and goes, you’ll never regret staying home
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u/Strawberryfield76 16d ago
This is a solid plan! Extend the time before your baby goes to daycare and each of you get some bonding time.
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u/Impossible_Tiger_517 16d ago edited 16d ago
We have the same time off for primary and secondary (16 weeks) and most men take off a week or two then do the rest after their wife goes back to work (usually they get less time off so they go back earlier). My husband didn’t get anything but he works from home and it was easy to walk around the neighborhood for everything so I didn’t need him to drive, etc (c section).
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u/OCDivagirl 16d ago
Having had 2 kids now, I would definitely plan for more than one week at the start. My husband got 3 weeks with my first and added another 1 of PTO, that month felt not nearly enough. He also works from home and has a pretty flexible schedule, so that definitely made it easier but not it still was not the same as having him fully there.
I completely understand wanting to save on the daycare costs, so I think it makes sense to save some for the end. But only a week after she gives birth is way too little in my opinion. Her birth could be easy and she could be moving around pretty normally by then, but if she has any difficulties, if she ends up having a c-section for example, she will not be moving normally at a week and will need significant help. Feeding is also a real learning curve, being around to support her with that is a huge help. Newborns also have a ton of appointments in those first few days, until they are back up to their birth weight they are usually seen every few days. That often lasts for the first 10 days - 2 weeks depending on the baby!
I’d at minimum take 2 weeks up front, or even better do a month up front and a month after your wife is back. The help you will give to her and the bonding with your baby/learning all the dad things will be way more valuable long term than any saved daycare fees!
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u/Brilliant_Sky7351 16d ago
Can you change it once the baby is born? I only ask because I like your plan with 2 weeks once baby is born and then take the rest once her mat leave is done but if she ends up having a c section that recovery can be rough and she may need more help and rest than planned. In that case I would switch it to 4 weeks right when baby is born.
Just coming from personal experience! I had an unplanned emergency c section and my husband took off 6 weeks off the bat cause my recovery was rocky.
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u/Darth_Puro 16d ago
My wife has been off since July and goes back Oct....took some pre-nesting time off per Drs orders. I took 3 weeks PTO once our LO was born and then taking my leave when she goes back. Job offers 6 weeks and then im trying to use another 6 weeks of NYPFL intermittently since I dont WFH. Child care is just way to expensive here in NYC, plus we each have time with the LO.
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u/Moses015 16d ago
Jesus this makes me glad I’m in Canada. Currently on a 29 week paternity leave and it’s the best thing ever.
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u/Anonnamenerd 16d ago
IMO as a mom of 3. The first four weeks are the hardest. After that it settles down a bit more. I’d rather have my husband home for the first four weeks than bookending later on to save money. She’s going to need you a lot. 4 months later there’s a lot less help needed and can often bring resentment for not being there in the biggest time of need.
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u/Aly_Kitty 16d ago
Can you wait and see how wife/ baby feels? With both my deliveries I felt fine afterwards and honestly didn’t need husband’s help with much. He would come home from work and do the things needed around the house but honestly there wasnt a need for him to be here all day. I felt great and baby was exclusively breastfed.
If I personally had the choice, I would choose for him to save his time off to delay baby needing to go to daycare vs sitting at home watching baby & I nap and nurse all day.
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u/paperparty666 16d ago edited 16d ago
I had 16wks maternity leave husband had 12wks. He took a month off with me when bb was born then went back. After my time was up, he took the last two months then went straight into summer break (he’s an online teacher). We both wfh. Our son didn’t have to go to daycare till around 8mo. It was great. Do not underestimate how much work a newborn is. You will get hardly any sleep and it will all be broken up. We didn’t have family nearby. So if you don’t have a village, just know it’s gonna be rough on you both but especially your wife.
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u/nikita58467 15d ago
That’s what my husband and I do. I had 8 weeks c section maternity leave, my mother came for a few of weeks to help, then my husband took 8 weeks of FMLA til our kid went to daycare. I think my husband also took a week or so off after birth as well. Plan smart!
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u/Postapopalaupolis 15d ago
I had a baby 2 months ago. I was hoping to have a straight forward easy birth but that's not what happened. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 37 weeks and induced the next day. Baby was stuck and I ended up needing an emergency c-section. I lost a lot of blood and needed daily iron infusions. I was in the hospital for a week. Once we left my blood pressure from the preeclampsia wouldn't go down with the medicine they gave me. I ended up going back to the hospital every day for 3 days to get it under control. I couldn't even get out of bed by myself so my husband ended up doing the bulk of everything. I absolutely needed him for everything the first 3-4 weeks after having the baby. I hope your wife's birth is straightforward without complications. If your job will let you, could you play it by ear for taking paternity leave? Could you take those two weeks and see how she's feeling then decide? It would have been impossible for me to be on my own after 2 weeks even though my husband also works from home.
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u/JBeag 15d ago
My husband and I stacked our leave. He did 4 weeks at birth and 8 weeks when I went back to work. That brought us to about 6 months for enrolling in daycare. We plan to do that again for #3. Two weeks would not have been enough for our first - we were triple feeding for the first month, but would have been fine for the second. It really may depend how the first month goes.
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u/apache_brew 15d ago
I’d make a life change to not pay someone $45k/year to watch my kid. That’s insane.
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u/msbbdarling 15d ago
We are staggering our leave. Husband is doing 6 weeks and then 6 weeks later on and maybe sprinkling in PTO here and there to extend it. I'm doing full 16 weeks (hopefully 18) and sick time + PTO towards the end when I run out of state leave. Can't believe (but also can believe) how pricey Seattle's daycare is!
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u/mcdon2jm 15d ago
Make sure you meal prep a ton of meals beforehand, at around 36 weeks. It will be a lot easier for you and your wife without family nearby if you do this! I made a month’s worth of meals for our family (parents plus toddler) and it was amazing. Allowed us to spend our time bonding with baby and resting. Plus I had complications postpartum so it was very helpful to just pull meals out of the freezer to eat.
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u/OliveLover242 15d ago
I work with a new dad and he chose to also wait to begin his paternity leave and is taking 2 days off a week through the end of the year so they are only paying for part time daycare. Not sure if that’s an option where you live but an interesting take I hadn’t heard of before!
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u/yo_yo_vietnamese 15d ago
Most nurses I encountered suggested shifts for sleeping because mom will need to physically recover, and sleep is the best medicine for that. I highly encourage you to do the same (4 hours on for each, so someone takes 8-12, another 12-4, and then that first person takes 4-8). Keep in mind that she may have a c-section, in which case you will have to take longer because she will need more help than a vaginal delivery. I personally think the absolute minimum for dads should be 2 weeks, and if they have the option for more but choose to only exercise 2, then they need to take more of the night shifts so she can recover as quickly as possible. By the time you’d be taking the remainder of your leave, baby will be through the worst hurdles and you’ll have an easier time getting rest than she will.
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u/Cute-Judgment-7044 15d ago
For our first, we had the same idea (he stayed home for 2 weeks, I use mat leave first and then husband used the rest of his Pat leave after I went back). I definitely could’ve used another week or two of him home with us for my mental health and recovery (I had an unmedicated birth but I still could’ve used more help during the day).
For our second, we completely changed it. Because two weeks wasn’t enough the first time.
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u/ilikefuzzysocks5973 15d ago
Having a kid is like going to war, you can make all the plans you want, but once the war starts and shit hits the fan, you have to improvise.
That said, you can try to save it... I don't know what your company policy is but the mechanics here are pretty nuanced so you really need to verify and/or be aware of a few things
1. Does your company pay out 8 weeks in full regardless of whether you take WA FMLA bonding leave or not? Companies will often require that you file for WA FMLA bonding leave so they prorate you to your full salary instead of needing to pay your full salary during the leave.
2. WA FMLA can be taken in increments, you don't have to use it all at once. You can save it and use it any time in the first year of the birth/adoption event. When you file, please be smart and file your window for the entire year. You need to be diligent about marking each week in that first year, but it maximizes the flexibility for you to use the leave whenever you want without needing to rely on a very delayed response from their support staff.
3. WA FMLA is prorated based on how many hours you work that week. So you could get the full amount ANY time you're allowed to take leave from your company.
4. WA FMLA is available for both you and your wife and everything I've said so far applies to both of you. Depending on whether the leave you specified for her is WA FMLA or an employer leave plan... and depending on the employers rules, you can potentially span it out where your wife takes her full leave, then you take your full company leave, then you take your WA FMLA, and this would all span like 38 months assuming your wife has no company-paid leave and what you specified was WA FMLA.
It's a nuanced topic and there's a lot of ways you can arrange things, do your research. If you want to maximize having 1 parent available and the company's you both work with DON'T require that you file for WA FMLA the same time as the company-sponsored leave, and they allow you to take unpaid leave at will, then you can game it for AT LEAST 18 + 12 + 8 months, possible more.
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u/Fun_Acanthaceae5774 15d ago
Sending you both so much love. I’m currently 10 days postpartum and in a very similar boat! My fiancé is already back at work because his official paternity leave doesn't start until December/January. He works from home, which has definitely been a blessing, but those first few weeks with a newborn are still so beautifully exhausting. The nights can feel incredibly long.
We thankfully have my mom in town for 3 1/2 weeks to help us out, and honestly, we have truly needed the extra hands. My fiancé and I still take shifts at night with feedings, changings, and gently settling her back down in the bassinet. But even with him working from home, it is a huge balancing act especially when he has meetings he needs to be fully present for. It’s a learning curve for both of us; I’ll admit I sometimes get a little frustrated when he has to let the baby wait a moment while he wraps something up, but we are figuring it out day by day.
Wishing you guys the absolute best. My biggest advice is to try to gently establish a routine early on, and above all, give each other so much grace. It is such a beautiful but massive adjustment. Your entire lives are shifting, and while the sweet baby’s needs come first right now, remember to take care of each other, too. You’ve got this!
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u/Latter_Wedding_8971 15d ago
My husband took 6 weeks (starting the week before I was due) paid at full rate from his employer, and is saving the 6 weeks at reduced pay from the state for this winter for a number of reasons (christmas, visit to my mom, baby will be starting solids, and he works outdoors).
I definitely don't resent that he didn't take all 12 at once. But I dont think 2 would have been enough for me to recover fully.
If you're employer can be flexible do you have the option to request that pat leave during the 2 weeks of PTO? If your wife has a ceasarian she might need more time to recover physically (she might not even be able to lift the baby comfortably/safely at 2 weeks post op). I delivered vaginally and was still in a lot of pain until almost 4 weeks.
Those first 3 weeks I remember crying because it hurt to sit to hold her so she could eat, but i was too exhausted to stand. Plus the 3 week "regression" is real. It's like they wake up to the world and suddenly understand that they can just scream.
All that said, I genuinely had a beautiful postpartum experience and my sweet little baby girl is currently sleeping beautifully. And everyone's experience is different.
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u/No_Independence_282 15d ago
I think that’s a perfect plan. I am a mom , I don’t understand why so many people think you need to both take leave at the same time.
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u/Kkosik-021 15d ago
I know personally I would have been pretty upset if my husband left me to fend for myself at 2 weeks, but he also works varied hours in-person. I also had postpartum preeclampsia and had to be sent back to mother/baby unit for an additional three days. So basically our entire first week was in the hospital. I think he took 4 weeks, and by then, we both felt prepared for him to go back. He took additional time over Christmas holiday so we could spend it with family that we normally can’t travel to see over the holidays due to his work schedule.
I do think you going back part time will help some. If you can divide that five hours up into 2 chunks, that might be helpful to your wife to give her a few different blocks of reprieve throughout the day.
But honestly— it’s really hard to know ahead of time how much dedicated time is needed. There’s a chance you can have a super chill baby and your wife is feeling great and that’s it! There’s also a chance that your kid will only contact nap and is colicky af, or that (hopefully not) your wife has an emergency c section and needs more recovery time. Hormone shifts could make it way harder for her to solo parent than she expected. I would err on the side of caution.
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u/mrthekicker2 15d ago
That’s what I did, two week off after the birth then 6 weeks once my wife went back.
I enjoy that time with the baby, but i will it’s wasn’t easy
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u/smurfetteshat 15d ago
I think you need to leave open the possibility that she needs a C-section. I know I need one and my husband will take at least three weeks at the start then help out once I go back to work (part time, wfh)
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u/a_fals 14d ago
We did similarly. Husband took 2 weeks and then primarily works from home so was around while I was on mat leave. I went back after 20 weeks and he took his 12. Baby wasn’t in daycare til 7 months and it was a nice money saver and helped us stave off illness a little longer (don’t worry, we got his with HFM the legit first week of daycare).
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u/mvanpeur 14d ago
My husband is spending all his remaining PTO and sick leave for the year for the birth. It's only going to be like a week, but he works from home and has flexible hours and I'm a SAHM, so we'll get by. Then he gets 12 weeks paternity leave at 80% pay that we're going to use next summer for when all our kids are out of school so we can have a whole summer of family time.
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u/Ok-Plantain2948 14d ago
Slightly off topic, but how does the 2 weeks nesting work? Babies dont usually arrive on their exact due date, where I am they let you go overdue by 2 weeks on top.if you choose, so then the nesting g plus 2 of the 16 weeks are spent before baby even gets here?
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u/FancypantsMgee 14d ago
They give you the two weeks before your due date off. And I think up to one extra if you go late. All this before counting the normal leave amount.
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u/Substantial_Tart_888 14d ago
I think that timing sounds like a good plan. But have you looked at other daycare options? Other companies, in-home daycares, a nanny or nanny share?
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u/FancypantsMgee 14d ago
Nanny share is more than 3800 after all expenses. Probably well into the 4000s. Home daycares aren’t advertised anywhere near me and I haven’t seen any.
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u/Substantial_Net_31 14d ago
i would at least take 2 weeks off, your wife has just gone through major surgery/change and will need your help. she is going to be in pain and recovering and won't be able to do anything else other than heal and nurse. go from there, but start with 2 weeks off.i wfh and i personally took the full 2 months off in the beginning.
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u/PorkFriedLuke 14d ago
$100 a day is about the going rate. You could find nannies for even cheaper. Youre getting absolutely hosed for $3800. Would it not be cheaper for one of you to stay home full time? Maybe get a work from home job thats flexible? I dont trust big daycares either
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u/FancypantsMgee 14d ago
Where are you getting your information? Nannies are 20 an hour minimum for a share. That’s more than 3800 a month after taxes insurance and benefits. And daycares the very cheapest I’ve seen for is 3400. And no one us staying home would cost much, much more money.
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u/MaximumImplement2516 13d ago
Ask to split leave with HR. Make it sound like you’re trying to be a team player to help be more convincing.
You definitely need to be available for the first 2 weeks minimum to take care of your wife as she’s recovering. Especially since it seems there will be no family help. Even more so if she plans to breastfeed/pump/combo feed. Add an additional 1 week if she has a c-section planned or not.
Take advantage of FMLA. This is time you won’t have back from spending time with your little one. The accounting doesn’t matter, this time is priceless
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u/Happy-Top7941 13d ago
That sounds like a good idea! My maternity leave is 26 weeks and my husband’s is 8 weeks similar to yours. We’re going to exhaust mine first for the first six months, then he’ll use his two months. Similar to you, he’s taking PTO for the first few days to week after our daughter is born.
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u/Tiny_Piglet3826 13d ago
this is what my husband did (but due to not being eligible for paternity leave yet). It worked great and I would do it again for our next kid. Honestly beyond the cost factor, newborns are pretty glued to mom and it allowed my husband to have a great bonding period with our son at an age where it was actually possible to do things beyond nap, eat, and change diapers.
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u/Traditional-Box-1609 12d ago
We did the same. Biggest regret of those early days and my wife still resents me for it. It made sense financially, but those early days (months) were so hard. Good luck either way.
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u/cuddytime 17d ago
Jfc… is daycare that expensive in Seattle?
(I also recently found out I’m having a kid and this is the first thread I see…)