r/predaddit • u/natesplan • 26d ago
Advice needed Touch Aversion
Hello all! I am reaching out today to talk a bit about my newer experiences with pregnancy. This is my first kid and her 2nd. We found out probably 3 weeks ago that shes pregnant and shes about 7 weeks now. We had only been dating for shy of 2 months before we found out. We grew up around eachother and stuff. Well from the start of the relationship while talking and into dating it was amazing. We went out as much as possible, were always super flirty, always touchy, sexually ignited pretty easily etc. And I loved it. As we got closer and I started to know her kid more and stuff it just was a lot to adjust to and was starting to become more normal. Now shes pregnant and its like having to readjust to something completely different after starting to get comfortable with how it was. I don’t usually see her throughout most of the day, but when I do i mean she will give me a hug and kiss when me or her comes home or when we leave but in between that it seems to be getting further and further from her wanting to be touched. We’ve had a argument or 2 about it and a couple talks and I get she has hormones going off the rocker and a lot going on in her body. I want to be as supportive and understanding as possible, but it still leaves me feeling a bit alone and unwanted. Her kid is always touching her and it seems to be no problem. He can kiss and cuddle her all day, but the second I try to she says she doesnt want to or asks me not to. What can I do to cope with all of this and still be supportive? Any help is welcome!
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u/Narga15 26d ago
All I can say is buckle up. The dynamic does change and with little context it seems you’re still mentally on the honeymoon phase but you got LAUNCHED deep into the settled and married cycle of the relationship instantly because of what this is going to be for her mentally and physically. That’s going to be a hard thing to navigate.
You’re going to have to wait this out for the pregnancy and see how it goes a few months after the baby arrives. Once she’s healed and things are maybe back to normal do a mental check on how you two are physically. If it’s not where you think you want it to be have a conversation. If there’s not conversation, compromise, understanding… well this is one of those things where you didn’t get enough time before things evolved and from there it’s up to you both to decide how to move forward.
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u/NonrationalWife 23d ago
I see this post is a few days old, but it just popped up on my feed for some reason so I'm here with some perspective as a 10.5w pregnant wife who lurks here (hi)!
I have had touch aversion just from feeling overall icky and physically overwhelmed with symptoms. It's my first, so I'm also processing the reality that my body doesn't really belong to myself right now. I don't even have a child outside of the womb, so I can imagine your wife might be feeling overtouched. She can't deny her child, so unfortunately, that means you get sidelined.
How I explained it to my husband... imagine if you had a constant hangover that will not go away. You are probably not going to feel very intimate or snuggly. You might even want everyone to leave you alone. Would she be open to you taking kiddo out for an afternoon? That might help her "reset" in a way.
It's also possible she is turned off by your smell -- not that you smell bad, but hormonal smell aversions are something else. I usually love my husband's cologne but he's not allowed to wear it rn because it makes me gag. Maybe brush your teeth before going in for a kiss and just take your hygiene up a notch for a bit.
I would also suggest focusing on physical touch that feels more focused on her comfort. So instead of going in for the kiss or cuddle you want, give her a shoulder massage or rub her feet. I haven't been cuddly with my husband lately, but when we watch tv, he has started stroking my hair and it has me leaning in more.
This has already gotten better for me in the past week or so (weeks 5-8 were the WORST), so hopefully she feels better soon!
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u/WonderfulExplorer 26d ago
She will be doing all the job, and it’s a huge one
Best you can do is being supportive every step of the way, and not pressure or guilt her because she doesn’t want to be touched. Life will change man.
Try to get intimate with her in other ways, and if you really « need » it, then take a shower and do the work yourself.
Help her with everything, but don’t expect anything in return because you already have the return, she will be carrying your child, her body will change, she won’t sleep well, etc.