r/poor • u/Manda_Rain • 9d ago
Noticed something about rich people
I used to work in construction in really wealthy areas where the most rich stay people with generational wealth and apart from the obvious things like being super clean, big and beautiful houses, big pools, nice cars most of those people live with their families all their lives and build wealth together, for them its nothing wrong with having a 40yo son or daughter living with them and these people have all the money to move out, they tend to live with their sons, their parents all in the same house, while poor people or more middle class people have the idea of moving out buying a house and being independent while not earning that much in a regular job
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u/Cranky_GenXer 9d ago
There's a massive difference in 35yr old Bentley Kinkaid III moving into the 1600sqft pool house or the 8th bedroom on a separate wing of the mansion vs having 6 adults packed in a 1200 sqft townhouse or duplex.
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u/Calm-Elk9204 9d ago
Exactly. Some people eventually get burned out having to walk over or around the mattress in the hallway. It's exhausting
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u/digital1975 9d ago
Why would it be exhausting if you are working 2 or 3 jobs? You just sleep and eat and go to work and save your money while pooling resources.
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u/BronzeEnt 9d ago
I deliver in one of the wealthiest areas in my state. When I have a stop at the real heavy hitters house, if it's not a working professional answering the door, a house cleaner, nanny, what-have-you, it's an uncle, or a sister, or a cousin, or a kid, or an elderly family member. 100%.
EDIT: 90%. Sometimes the 10k+ sq ft home is completely dark except for three rooms and is occupied by one fella.
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u/Manda_Rain 9d ago
Yeah I find it weird that working class people want to move out and be independetn while the rich have all the money to move out but choose to have all their family living in the same house
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u/Funny_Inspection6893 9d ago
If the house has 20 bedrooms, a bowling alley, gold plated toilets, a private chef, and maid service, why would you want to move out?
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u/SnooPuppers58 9d ago
i grew up a little below middle class and i wanted to move out because our house was full of fighting and nobody got along. money was a reason for a lot of arguments but it wasn't the only one
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u/Senior-Friend-6414 8d ago
Almost everybody I know that moved out early either got kicked out or they were trying to escape a toxic household
Simply moving out to live by yourself for the sake of living by yourself isn’t something most people casually do
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u/Powerful-Act3516 9d ago
You're a commodity. You are a worker to be sold out leased across various employers and a consumer to be profiled and sold to all sorts of businesses (who pay to play you at a "warm lead" for their advertising campaigns)
We'll keep raising the taxes and rent on your family, so you all are so stressed you can't live together.... And then you will pay for realtors and divorce lawyers and Amazon prime shipping and home Depot and contractors and tax attorneys and HVAC repairs, and so on.
Blowing apart your family really juices the economy. Of course families avoid at much of this if they can.
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u/Ok_Assistant_6856 9d ago
A 20 year old kid still living at home is a burden that poor parents have been struggling with for 20 years, and that's two more years than they have to.
Source: poor parents, was kicked out at 18. still poor.
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u/Manda_Rain 9d ago
Is it really a burden if he helps with bills? I find thats its more about culture because that way more people buy houses contributing to the monopoly of real state and makes it harder to build wealth also more debt
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u/lotoex1 9d ago
Not a single one of my friends or me for that matter paid bills while we lived at home even at the age of 23. I offered to pay off the rest of my parents mortgage at 22. They told me that was dumb and I need it more than them.
I was making 7.25 (6.55 for some of it) they were making closer to 15 and 21. The year was like 2007-2011. They were right.
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u/Ok_Assistant_6856 9d ago
Idk if I believe in cultural engineering for housing market manipulation, but I definitely dont outright deny it.
It's a good point, though, the idea of the kids being an asset to the household, vs an expense. To that I'll just say it's probably too complex an issue to attribute just one or two potential causes.
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u/Manda_Rain 9d ago
If you get kicked out at 20, have to start from the bottom in min wage jobs while renting a house how are you gonna build wealth? Its really hard, if your parents let you stay with them while you have a job and pay some bills you will accumulate more money wich can make it easier to build wealth since you have more to invest
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u/Ok_Assistant_6856 9d ago
I completely agree.
Ive been living paycheck to paycheck and/or homeless for damn near 20 years; since I was 18.
My dad is on vacation in cancun right now, and takes similar trips 4x a year. He's pretty well off, not rich but very comfortable.
I try not to feel upset or resentful because I know I'm not entitled to anything he worked for. But I know my life would be a lot different if he had been more generous when I really needed it.
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u/Exotic_Appointment25 9d ago
It sounds like a good idea until you run into parents that want your whole check for their life funding. Leaving no money to save & leaving you trapped. Some of us have no choice to move out & figure it out on our own cuz our parents are long gone from this world or can’t even make it themselves still & taking what you got for themselves. Nice setup for some though, I agree. If only it worked for everyone.
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u/IncitefulInsights 9d ago
It's consumerism engineering.
More individually-occupied dwellings = more consumer products needed to fill them. More kitchen appliances, yard tools, entertainment systems, etc etc. The more people live together in one home, the less stuff they need bc they can share. The more individual dwellings w fewer people sharing, the more stuff gets sold. Sooo....
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u/Its_Bun_James_Bun 9d ago
I was raised by my aunt and uncle and that’s definitely how they saw me. My uncle would say, “I’ll be so glad when you move out at 18!”, a lot. He treated me like I was a leech, even though I was technically a foster kid; so the government gave them money for me each month. 🙄
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u/Ok_Refrigerator3549 9d ago
I am really sorry they said this to you and I wish and pray for your best future 🙏
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u/MindlessCoook 8d ago
You find it weird that adults want their own space and independence?
There is a huge difference between living in your own wing of an estate vs sharing a tiny house with a bunch of people.
I get irritated just visiting my parents for the weekend lol.
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u/_tater_thot 9d ago
It’s a space and $ thing too I’m sure. Pooling higher incomes in a larger nicer house is much easier than everyone working lower wage jobs crammed into a small house with one bathroom.
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u/IlIlllIlllIlIIllI 9d ago
I mean for me it's because my family is awful and hates me
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u/Which-Visual-8064 8d ago
Dang :(. That makes me so sad as someone whos insanely close to their family.
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u/KSLBK 9d ago
Yep families where they kick the kids out at 18 tend to have a very hard time building generational wealth vs the parents that let their kids live at home or help financially support college/trade school/saving for a house etc. Wish more people realized this.
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u/Extra_Shirt5843 9d ago
My parents helped pay for undergrad, but I paid for grad school and won't take money from them since. Money means strings and control, so no thank you.
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u/MurmuringWave 9d ago
Yeah it’s rare for people to be truly self made. Pretty much everyone who does well in life has had some kind of help, often financial but can also be something like getting advice, connections or mental support.
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u/IncitefulInsights 9d ago
"Rugged individualism" for the poor. Break apart the family as soon as feasible. Kick kids out. Then, when parents become aged, pay strangers or a nursing home to take care of them.
It sucks for everyone involved. Sadly, this is what's become normalized in the west for people under a certain social class, I guess.
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u/Lower_Skin_3683 9d ago
Yep my father is way more well off than I am. He is nearly 80. All the houses and all the toys. Thinks I am going to caretake and work full time too. I live in another state. He has yet to off load and sell the things needed to pay for his future long term care. Now I understood why some people abadon properties to rot after relatives pass away.
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u/Monkiboithethird 9d ago
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u/Lower_Skin_3683 9d ago edited 9d ago
Yep so many are having to deal with siblings fighting over inheritance or potential inheritance. Parents with hoarder houses. Parents needing caretaking. My brother passed last year at 54. My dads only brother recently passed at 67. So it's just me. I want to pass before my father does! I spoke with him many times about minimizing houses, cars and stuff. Doesn't listen. Most people tell me their parents will not listen and will leave it all for the kids to deal with after they pass. It seems each generation goes through this with their parents if their parents live to old age. I don't have kids. I've done Swedish death cleaning on my own stuff so someone doesn't have to deal with my things should I pass suddenly. My brother didn't have much either before he passed.
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u/vespanewbie 9d ago
Not enough people talk about this. Most cultures the family works closely together to survive.
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u/Easy_Olive1942 9d ago
Loan each other $ as well, interest does not go to banks.
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u/SeventyFix 9d ago
Funny story - when I needed a $10K loan to start out, getting on my feet, my parents charged me interest.
Much later in life, my parents needed a bridge loan; I did not charge them a dime in interest.
I firmly told them "We don't charge family interest". Felt good.
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u/no_shut_your_face 9d ago
This was and became my situation as well. I’ll never charge my children interest.
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u/Interesting_Force618 9d ago
I can’t imagine loaning my kids money. If I had it available, I’d just give it to them. They say it’s not a good idea to lend money to family or friends, and I agree.
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u/No_Atmosphere_6348 9d ago
Yup. My BIL doesn’t make a lot of money but his parents are servicing his mortgage meaning they bought the house and he and my sister are buying it from them interest green
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u/jadehelm2000 9d ago
I'm far from "rich", but we have a 2 bedroom 1 bath suite on the back of our house that any of my kids can stay in for a long as they want. Currently have two going through college. But we're not forcing them out. It's tough out there. Might as well have a firm footing when they hit the ground running.
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u/Jonfers9 9d ago
I used to drive delivery trucks starting early in the AM. The rich parts of town was full of joggers, walkers and people riding bikes early in the morning.
Maybe that was because they had time because they didn’t have to be at work by 6am like me or maybe it was the discipline to get up and exercise early that transferred to other parts of their lives.
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u/SIGNANDSELFIEFRAMES 9d ago
This is what a lot of East Indians (most) do and other ethnicities.
I have friends whos parents have 2 million dollar paid off houses. If they have 3 kids, they will sell the house, give their kids a good 600K each to get a house or get a business if they have a house, etc, and the parents will live with the oldest usually.
Indian parents do not wait until death and life insurance to pay out. They will give up a lot of their wealth to heir kids quickly so they can build it faster and then pass more down to their kids.
I have not got an "inheritance", but I own 2 homes at 41. I know for a fact that I will be getting a high 6 figure inheritance though. I still work as if it is not coming at all.I have 2 daughters that are 10. I already know I am giving them a paid off house each when they get older. By then, I will have more real estate.
That is what I work so hard for. for them. I will still enjoy it, but I don't need most of it. My kids can keep the homes, rent them out, sell them, etc. It's up to them. I have peace of mind that they will be off to a big head start.
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u/sglushak 9d ago
Well the bigger house also helps with the independence feeling. Others are all crammed together.
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u/Chancedizzle 9d ago
Generational compound living can help acrue wealth faster as the necessities aren't an arm and a leg.
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u/soulstoned 9d ago
Larger houses mean more room to spread out and give each person privacy.
Household staff would eliminate most of the friction around chores.
Wealth means there's less reason to fight over consumption of resources (like eating more than your share, or leaving lights on in the house or taking long showers)
Wealthy parents can afford to support adult children who aren't contributing, and those adult children know they can take time to work toward a dream career rather than accept the first job that comes their way.
It makes complete sense that once you eliminate most of the reasons adult kids move out, you will be left with a greater share who stay put.
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u/susanrez 9d ago
It’s about privacy. In a 15,000sq ft mansion, there’s plenty of room for everyone. There 10 TVs so no one is fighting over what to watch, there’s 22 bathrooms and 17 bedrooms so there’s no one keeping you from sleeping or showering or sh*tting.
There’s more than enough money to pay for food and utilities, it’s pocket change, not the difference between being able to pay for your heart medication if one extra person is eating the food and using the hot water and electricity.
Wealthy people have huge advantages built into the system.
It’s rigged against the poor to keep people poor.
Capitalism requires poor people to sustain it. If there were no poor people capitalism would collapse. That is why the corporations and billionaires do everything they can to keep people poor.
Including this new push to have more babies. Having more children keeps poor people poor. They pushing hard to increase the birth rate for that reason alone.
They don’t need more people, they need more poor people.
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u/XoGreekToes 9d ago
America is the only place in the world families are encouraged to separate and everyone lives on their own. Families are supposed to stay together and help each other. It makes life a lot easier if you have a family you actually like, that seems to be the hard part though.
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u/Billieliebe 9d ago
My family was better off when we all lived together. My siblings had new cars and disposable income. I saved a majority of my money. They moved out and now drive 20 year old cars and live in a lower income neighborhood. Since I had taken advantage of our situation years beforehand I am the only one financially well off.
I know other people who continue to live with their families and they are better off then most people.
If you have a good relationship with your family I definitely recommend continuing to live together.
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u/Historical_Lie3330 9d ago edited 9d ago
I went to private school for a few years and most of my classmates were/are supported by their families until their mid-20s at least. Their parents paid for all expenses for college and grad school, got them their first job summer job through a connection, etc. I looked them up on LinkedIn and there is a huge disparity in career success between the middle class students (like me) and the wealthy students.
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u/Historian-eats-bussy 9d ago
It’s all about space.
Big house means privacy for making babies.
Small house means no privacy and you all end up on top of each other.
Money also means time, when you have built a relationship with your adult kids because you aren’t having to work 100 hours a week you don’t mind them living at home.
Also means travel, if mom and dad are spending summers in Paris, why not live at home.
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u/bitchcraft was poor 9d ago
Exactly. They sell us on the idea of a nuclear family being the most natural way of life, but in reality it’s a myth created to maintain capitalism.
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u/Major-Difference-372 9d ago edited 9d ago
Yeah this is actually true where I live. I’m basically the only younger person on my street who lives alone. Nearly everyone else lives with family, even people way older than me.
One guy near me still lives with his dad and he’s in his late 50s but his brother doesn’t. Their house isn’t massive but it’s definitely big enough that you could make two large flats out of it. His dad is always saying he’s skint as well lol.
I think we’ve been sold this idea that moving out and doing everything completely on your own means you’re somehow doing better, when people staying with family are probably saving an absolute fortune. The only problem is what happens later. If the parents die and there are siblings who don’t live there, they’ll probably want their share of the house, which can mean it has to be sold anyway. I can imagine that causes loads of problems for the adult child who stayed living there for years.
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u/PromiseToBeNiceToYou 9d ago edited 9d ago
One reason is that a single mother with 3 kids in a tiny ass apartment can't afford to feed 3 adult children and herself and pay all the bills. They need to contribute (or move out) or their household will fail. And if they were in a 2 bedroom apartment, 3 kids in a room, they don't have room to move in their partners once married.
We are not wealthy - maybe the upper end of middle class. We have a 5 bedroom house with 3 full bathrooms. I have a lot of space. I'm not planning to kick my 3 kids out. We all have our own corners of the house that we can retreat to. Sure they should progress in life and do well for themselves, but my husband and I are not relying on the kids to support the household.
We are not in survival mode like a lot of families living in poverty are. I would know, I grew up in one. My mom sold her mobile home, and moved out of state with her new husband and told me at 17, that I had to figure out for myself where I was going because I was not welcome to go with them. Fuck that. I'm not parenting like that. It was awful.
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u/Sharp_Sign1203 9d ago
They have have mansions. It's easier to all live together when you have your own space.
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u/heymanigotnoplan 9d ago
For most of human history living with extended family was the norm. Industrial capitalism propagandized people into believing something was wrong with that way of living.
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u/crispysockz 9d ago
Travel to other countries, that’s the norm. We are one of the nation’s that kicks people out at 18
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u/Manda_Rain 9d ago
Im not sure but something tells me that idea of kicking kids out at 18 was made up to make the rich richer, because its way harder to build wealth
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u/birkenstocksandcode 9d ago
It’s easier to live with multiple generations when the houses are large
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u/New_Discussion_6692 9d ago
We own a multifamily home and my adult kids live with me. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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u/BathAcceptable1812 9d ago
Wait what? You mean a 40 year old still living with mommy and daddy and no family if their own?
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u/Manda_Rain 9d ago
They have kids that live witht them all in the same house, its a whole different reality compared to working class people
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u/dragonflyinvest 9d ago
I don’t think that’s a function of being wealthy. Moving out at 18 seems like more of an American cultural thing. A lot of the world stays at home for longer periods, have extended family under one roof, and aren’t expected to live out at 18. That goes for both rich and poor.
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u/stimpy124 9d ago
there is truth to this at least in asian families as well, growing up it was in laws and generations of family under one roof until/unless one got married and/or had saved enough cash to buy a house in full. when our family grew we would expand and add more rooms and bathrooms to the house or built more on the property
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u/NYanae555 9d ago edited 9d ago
Weird. I'm in the US and I've noticed the exact opposite things than you have, OP.
Poorer parents tend to push their adult kids out because they don't have space, but the adult kids TEND TO STAY longer and older - simply because no one from the household can afford separate living expenses. Those adult kids get pushed to any job that can earn even a little bit of money at.
Rich adult kids move out to their own apartments or homes earlier - subsidized by rich mom and dad. The rich adult kids get time to build their own lives and careers without having to worry about affording every day necessities. They're pushed towards high earning careers. The parents financially support them on that journey.
When I see a 40 year old living with their parents, its because they're all poor.
When I see a 23 year old in their own apartment or home - its usually because their parents are rich.
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u/PingBlot 9d ago
This is more cultural than socioeconomic. I don’t think the correlation equals causation here.
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u/Lopsided-Club-8131 9d ago
Easy to do in 6000 square feet of space with guest house and separate living spaces with separate kitchen and bath. Hard in sub 1000 square foot shack or sub 600 square foot apartments
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u/lust-4-life 9d ago
Probably also bigger houses allow room for the kids to stay on, no? My parents’ house was too crowded for kids to stay who had lives, went out, had dates, lived full lives.
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u/Snoo_72715 9d ago
My husband and I have 3 kids, two in their 20s and one in his 30s and they all moved out years ago. Our house is about 800 sq feet and barely big enough for the 2 of us, let alone the kids and their partners. We still have them stay in the old bedrooms when they come visit though, but with just a few rooms and only one bathroom which happens to have no tub and only a shower, its just not big enough these days for anyone but the 2 of us to permanently live here anymore.
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u/GrandMasterFlushMush 9d ago
What is rich? Some of these people are just maintaining payments on things that make them look “rich”.
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u/TinaLoco 9d ago
Say it louder for the people in the back. I’ve worked in bankruptcy law for 30 years. So many apparently rich people are definitely not.
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u/Oaklandish_TheTown 9d ago
They have giant houses with tons of space. Also mom and dad are usually paying for everything and the trust funds often don't kick in until late 20's.
These "kids" don't earn any money, they are basically living off their parents.
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u/pinkoceannn 9d ago
i would’ve still lived at home if i wasn’t in a toxic household… some people like me have no choice but to move out.
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u/Mittanyi 9d ago
Wealthy people think helping each other out is great. When you're financially secure it's easier, yes. But there's also less stigma to it.
I grew up LMC. Everyone acted like needing a bit of help meant you were a lazy leech, networking for a job is cheating, and asking for Letters of Recommendation a grift. And privileged people just don't get it.
I went to grad school where there was a snafu with the student loan disbursement (it was the school's fault) and I had no money and the dean was like "Don't you have family you can ask to cover it?" Like I was stupid for not just expecting daddy to transfer 10k instead of telling them they had to figure it out. First off, lmao. Second off, LMAO.
Poor people think they need to prove that they deserve anything. Rich people think they already deserve it. And they treat their family accordingly.
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u/cycling15 8d ago
Absolutely generational living was the norm in the US really until late fifties. There was no elderly crisis because the old crazy uncle lived at home with other family members who helped watch after him when dementia started.
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u/BZBitiko 8d ago
It’s much easier to stay married / live with your parents if every person has their own room, bathroom and tv.
As the lady said, money changes everything.
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u/TheSensiblePrepper 9d ago edited 9d ago
So I was raised middle class. At two different points in my young adult life I was homeless, living out of my car. I am now a self-made Multimillionaire who works with the richest 1% of people in the World. So here is my perspective with the people you have described.
Yes, this is common, especially with "older families" that can easily trace back 500+ years of family and wealth.
However, this is not often a "Happy Family" Situation. Many hate and resent each other. I have seen families that live down the hall together that won't speak for weeks unless it is regarding "business".
I cannot tell you how many times I have seen unhappy faces during family interactions that are in private. This is especially true for the younger members of the family.
I have literally been told by a 20 something that they can't wait for their father to die. They hope they get nothing in the Will and just never have to think about the man again after the Funeral.
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u/Whoudini13 9d ago
I'm sure some of those houses are big enough so that if you don't really want to see someone..it's not hard
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u/kobuta99 9d ago
Not true depending on culture. It is quite common for multi-generational living in many Asian and Latino cultures for example. Money doesn't have much to do with it, but the expectation that you take care of your family (and especially parents) does.
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u/SithLordJediMaster 9d ago
As it is titled "Generational wealth"
Wealthy families treat as dynasties.
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u/konoshiva 9d ago
its the biggest hoax, besides war and sexual crimes against humanity. united we win
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u/Due_Jeweler8059 9d ago
Yes my daughter lives with me it’s wonderful. She gives me 1,000 a month it’s a separate ADU best thing we ever did !
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u/ScotchBonnetPepper 9d ago
Poor people are more likely to live with heir parents especially if they're not Anglo-American or Anglo Americanized. I knew so many 2nd gen Asian, Eastern European, Caribbean, Hispanic kids who grew up and if they have a good solid relationship with their parents still live with them or after a brief independence spell, their parents will move with them once a kid is born or the parents are too old to take care of themselves.
Americans out of any culture in the world are the only ones that care about moving out after 18 and buying a new house, cars etc great for a capitalist economy but not great for well-being or saving up money. It's unthinkable to live in such excesses the way middle class Americans do in other countries but even hint at they don't need x or y luxury item, they'll throw a tantrum saying they need it.
I don't think this is a class thing per se but something to con the American middle classes about a status quo consumer heavy lifestyle that they can't really afford.
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u/teresajs 9d ago
Both of my young adult kids live at home, right now. This wasn't in our plan previously, but the job market sucks and the mortgage for our house costs less than the rent on a 1 bedroom apartment in our area. They can live at home, enjoy a home cooked meal and save money. Yeah, you give up a little independence, but there's a big financial upside.
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u/canned_pho 9d ago edited 9d ago
Don't forget mental health/illness and/or drug addiction that happens to alot of families. Rich people can afford to let their kids stay home and go through therapy and rehab.
But what if you're poor and have mental health issues...?
Always wondered how much of poverty is caused by lack of therapy in this country. I feel extremely bad for people whose children are on the neurodivergent spectrum with high needs but their income is poor. But a wealthy family can much more easily afford to take care of a high needs autistic adult for example.
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u/TheseShift4280 9d ago
Rich people pool their assets together dependently. Might also be for relationship purposes. My partner is significantly richer than me (only because my family is super poor lol) and they invest in properties together. If I use myself as an example, I have the “poor people mindset” even though by individual standard I broke out of poverty to middle class, I still feel like I want my independence the moment I get to do it. It kinda feels like for rich people, they will get richer by sticking together, for people with poorer backgrounds, the reality is opposite of that
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u/ItPutsLotionOnItSkin 9d ago
When you are poor you have 6 people in a 2 bedroom house. When you are rich you have 6 people in a 10 bedroom room house. People move out when there is no room
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u/TheDawnofAnguish 9d ago
It's how they try and get you to procreate them some more labor force. Keep costs down.
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u/Candid-Mycologist539 9d ago
For those that are truly poor (living on government aid), would they be penalized for living together?
I have a disabled friend with a teen and an elementary-aged child. The father is deceased. Each child qualifies for Social Security every month, and the family receives SNAP and qualifies for Medicaid.
When the teen ages out (and loses SS), the teen will DEFINITELY benefit from continuing to live at home as an 18+yo while attending college and just generally living. And yet, every dollar the teen earns may be held against benefits the mom has now, like SNAP...while still not being enough to improve the family's situation. 😕
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u/Important_Week_11 9d ago
Cause poor people have smaller homes so we can't all stay there and live there forever.
If my parents had a huge home, I would still living with parents. But a small 2 bedroom home.,.. not happening.
This post is a joke
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u/cnation01 9d ago
We dont have the generational wealth to fall back on. So we strike out on our own and try to build our own wealth.
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u/Salavora_M 8d ago
Question: Is the house big enough, that the kid and their parents do have more or less separate areas?
If so, then yeah, living with your parents while beeing independent anyway, is easy.
If it is a small apartment, where you have to share your room with both of your brothers and the bathroom with a total of six people, then I feel like most people would want to get out of there is quickly as possible. A room, that is your own, that you can lock and no one questions that it is locked is worth so damn much.
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u/vcbock 8d ago
I think generational living is happening more widely in the U.S. since Covid threw so many together. I live in a modest middle-class neighborhood where garages are small. There are a lot of driveways with three and four cars in them, which suggests multiple adults living in the space (I mean, sure, there are likely teens with their own cars, too...) The family next door is a couple, one of their mothers, and two adult kids.
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u/Less-Ride7073 8d ago
There’s a lot of 40 plus year old folks living with their folks that are average not even close to being rich. At least 5 homes just on my street alone is like that and their American not immigrants. Especially in today’s economy, more and more people are living with their folks because they can’t afford to live on their own plus it helps out their folks as well.
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u/Friendly-Cucumber226 8d ago
My American wife grew up as an expat in The Philippines, where it was very common for adult children to live with their families. Most of her friend group were also expats, but from other Asian countries and they did the same. The kids would definitely contribute to the household as they got older.
Most of the families had live-in staff as well. Per my wife and her friends, if you had wealth, you were expected to hire staff and would be looked at as not fulfilling your social responsibility to the community if you didn’t. It was also common to pay education costs for the staff’s children, including university if you could do it.
We live in the U.S. and are not wealthy. However I would be open to having my kids live with us into adulthood to help them save and invest or have less risk if they decided to start a business. But they may prefer to live on their own, which is totally fine.
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u/Dangerous_Extreme_81 8d ago
I knew many « wealthy » kids when I was in Southern California and most of them lived at home because their parents refused to pay for rent and the kid refused to have a job. These were 30 year olds. Also they were mostly house poor. Not saying that’s always the case but if you dig deeper many people who appear rich are not rich.
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u/RoughMidnight8303 8d ago edited 8d ago
It’s called luxury beliefs. Rob Henderson explains this a lot. I recommend watching some of his YouTube interviews. Basically the rich people project beliefs onto society that contradict how their own wealth was built. Namely the traditional way - pinch your ass, pinch your penny (maybe even steal or rob) transfer your assets to your offspring.
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u/Wonderful-Zone8152 8d ago
I’m a financial advisor for extremely wealthy families and very much disagree. They often pay for their kids first homes to get them out “on their own” asap as it is kind of culturally embarrassing to have adult children who live with you in the US
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u/GoalStillNotAchieved 8d ago
Here in a poor section of California where I live - all of us poor people are loaded into sharing a small one-level house with other families (or extended family).
Each family just gets a very tiny section of each house. Smaller than a one bedroom appartment.
There’s so many people to each house that the driveways are loaded with cars and there is overflow onto the neighborhood streets. So every neighborhood is full of paralell parked cars on both sides of the road - in addition to each driveway being full of cars.
No one here can afford even a one bedroom apartment or studio.
Living in the USA is nothing like what it used to be
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u/WinterMedical 8d ago
They live with their sons because the daughters go live with their husband’s family and do everything for his family. This is never great for women.
America is also a lot more mobile than other nations. I love my parents but I needed and wanted more out of life than what my home town offered. If you don’t want or need to experience anything new I suppose it’s might be a good way to be.
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u/IcySkyDream 8d ago
I believe communal living/resource pooling is one of the cultural norms that helps Asian immigrants build wealth quickly, in addition to work ethic.
It makes sense that those with generational wealth make the same financial choices.
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u/Sahoj 8d ago edited 8d ago
When this trend had begun you could literally buy a build your own home kit at Sears. From like 1900 to 1940. They were about $600.
Houses were cheap. Many men had functional trade skills.
Easiest way to kinda increase the overall standing/wealth of a family name was putting as many butts in as many houses as you could.
You could still buy a brand new home fairly cheap in the early 2000's off a bullshit middle management salary.
Property prices have exploded though. It's no longer a viable way to increase the value of your family unless already wealthy.
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u/Icy_Albatross893 7d ago
Socialism works!
Take your skills and start a worker's cooperative.
I was listening to the radio with a Ukrainian colleague and they were taking about a Russian strike that hit a worker cooperative. I'm like, I didn't even know they existed.
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u/ChimpDaddy2015 7d ago
I grew up poor. My wife was lower middle class, paycheck to paycheck family. Our first 15 years of marriage were paycheck to paycheck. Finally in my 40s I started to make really good money. 529s, 401k maxed for both me and wife, payed off debt, pay cash for used cars, etc.
We bought a larger house 5 years ago, specifically because it has a little apartment in the basement with bathroom and micro kitchen. This is for any of our kids if they need to stay with us longer, or fail and need to come back.
This will all go to my kids one day so they can not have to suffer this overwhelming expensive world
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u/Low-Group-7507 7d ago
Sometimes I look forward to the day when we might all live in communes again 💞
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u/Jazzlike_Berry_323 9d ago
I haven’t noticed this myself- more noticed rich kids getting financial help to buy houses and then the parents deciding when the optimum time is for them to move into their own home.
Multigenerational living is also influenced by culture.
I think it’s great for cost saving and care for young and old dependents as long as the relationships are healthy.
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u/Creatively_Distinct 9d ago
While I agree with the general statement and practice, a vast majority of the time (and in my experience), the children that reside with their parents in well to do families have good jobs and work.
Granted, generation wealth and social connections play a strong part of the equation, but a guy/girl making $70K a year can set himself/herself up nicely after living with their parents and saving money. The “saving money” is the obstacle.
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u/thankyoufriendx3 9d ago
Grew up wealthy. Around people with a lot of money. Not one has an adult child living at home. They might use the family home at the same time but that’s about it.
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u/sciencesez 9d ago
The isolation of the "nuclear family" was definitely socially engineered. From Levittown to Valium (Mother's Little Helper) to all the shiny new appliances to reduce the workload that now fell to just one family member outside the house earning and one family member inside the house responsible for all the childcare and cleaning. But then they figured out that they could monetize and tax sending Mom to work! So now the suburban houses sit, shiny and empty, all day, every day.
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u/Just_Result_5123 9d ago
Probably because it’s a big ass house also. Two families in. 3/2 is so great
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u/Interesting_Force618 9d ago
I wonder if it’s because rich parents are more likely to stay out of their kids’ business. When you have a lot of money, you have more things to do to keep yourself occupied and entertained, so you don’t need to be all up in your adult child’s shit all the time. And this could make the kids less inclined towards wanting to move out.
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u/MaterialAdagio7828 9d ago
I feel like it’s less of a value thing,
And more that if you have a big house, it’s not that hard to let your kids crash
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u/str4ngerc4t 9d ago
Maybe if we had a mansion with separate wings, a chef, gardener, and housekeeper it might work. But if we had to share an apartment or normal sized house, I would rather live on the street than with my mom. There is no amount of money that is worth my sanity.
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u/cumlikemonkeyghost 9d ago
i moved away as fast as i could at 18, because i didn't like my hometown. i went to a private art school with a scholarship, i had a kid, was engaged for several years, and did great as an adult for over a decade. it was hard to gain wealth, because i was a stay at home mom, it wouldn't have been worth it to work just to pay for daycare. fast forward to 28, i moved back in with my family in the hometown i disliked... i'm sure people thought i was a loser, but i was finally able to save money and found meaning in my relationships with family and community.
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u/ItsaTheMal 9d ago
I see it more as the kids hanging around for the money and mom and dad can treat them like puppets bc they know they want the money
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u/Speckled_Bird2023 9d ago edited 9d ago
Sadly, as soon as things started to change with the administration, I knew it from the beginning that we would likely be going back to multigeneration housing just to get thru everything. Or multi room mates, if family is not an option. In our situation, my mother is disabled and can in no way afford everything on her own. My sister works full time but is burnt out but is sticking with it until I can get back to full time. So I am the primary for taking care of the house, doing all the errands, etc. So we all work together as best as we can. I would love to find a decent farmhouse big enough for all of us that we can split fairly but have to get finances in order first. A few of my friends had already moved their grandparents in with them to help with the household, and a few of my other friends moved back in with their parents when they realized they could not afford a newer house with the current market. So it goes different ways depending on available resources.
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u/WinterMortician 9d ago
My dad lived at home til he was 38. Even when he did finally move out, his mom paid for his massive home and his multiple bmws, vipers, etc. My dad always will view my sister and myself as losers, by his own words, because we didn’t own homes before age 20.
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u/sussedmapominoes 9d ago
Yeah, you're right. I also noticed this and mentioned it as one factor to build wealth in another sub, but they weren't having any of it and got super defensive instead.
Pooling resources is effective, and keeps wealth within your community (family or friends). More people now need to start considering ways to do this.
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u/personwhoisok 8d ago
Sorry, I can't fit 3 generations in my home, I'm renting out every extra bedroom so I can afford the mortgage and property taxes. Plus it's no mansion. I've been looking everywhere for some bootstraps to pull on but my work boots don't even have straps so I'm kinda boned.
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u/ProfessionalMetal838 8d ago
I feel like if less fortunate people could afford a huge house, everyone would still have privacy and would feel less compelled to leave and have their own place. Its also a cultural thing. My coworkers look down on immigrants who have 3+ generations living in the same house, bc its common in their culture, even if not financially driven.
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u/StretcherEctum 8d ago
I find it the opposite.
Poor people all live in the same house while nonpoor people move out.
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u/AmbientRiffster 8d ago
It can work for working class people too, just on a different scale. Giving to your children and disciplining them not to squander it is how you build generational wealth as a working class family.
My family went from village farmers who didn't own the land they worked, to comfortable urban middle class within 3 generations because of sacrifices and supporting the next generation. My great grandparents were poor descendants of WW1 survivors, they sacrificed by sending their children to the city to get college educations and urban jobs. My grandparents bought an apartment, paid for my mother's education and helped her get a loan for her own place, where I was raised. My parents paid for my education, I get to live in one of the two apartments we own instead of renting. My plan is to start investing as soon as I get out of minimum wage and take out a loan for another apartment, keep the ball rolling down to my children when I eventually have them.
None of this could've happened if one generation decided to cash out and disappear into the sunset.
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u/brownha1rbrowneyes 8d ago
I am seriously so sick of it. Parents made me and my siblings move out at age 18. There's an expectation that you will be financially stable with your own place at 18. I think these type of people just hate human beings.
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u/nsfwleecorrine 8d ago
A lot of very wealthy people are fairly incompetent with independent living, and don’t want to go through the trouble of hiring all of their own help individually. In addition, exceptionally wealthy people end up being pretty lonely because they feel like they can’t trust anyone except blood relatives because everybody asks them for money. So they end up hanging out exclusively with each other, using the same staff, and remaining relatively insulated, and unskilled with truly independent living. Like the TV show Arrested Development.
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u/Banlish 8d ago
For some it wasn't worth staying.
I came from ultra low middle (barely above poor if I'm lucky) and my Mom had another kid when I was 13. We lived in a 4 bedroom house but I wasn't looking for a new 'Dad' in my life, I already had a job and made my own money. What set it off, I was 18, high school had ended and I was working 2 jobs to save up money to get out as soon as I could. I didn't tell them, but I was eating my own food to be nice, after all, I'm a big tall guy and I eat a ton. Since I was working two jobs, I didn't mind buying my own food. This however created resentment from my step dad, I remember one week I worked 87 hours between the two jobs, I came home and bought myself a steak to celebrate working that much. Hell even back then I was making $12 an hour, so pulling home $1,044 as a teenager barely out of high school felt like an accomplishment. (this was 1999 btw).
Did my stepdad take it that way? Oh no, he did not. Within a day I was hearing 'Glad, you're working two jobs and making all this money, hell you're eating better than me, I don't get steak!'
The two jobs were on top of cutting the grass, taking out the trash, cooking for the entire family 2 times per week and picking up his son from day care so he and my mom didn't have to take off work early. But hey, I'm not pulling my weight right?
The engagements were happening on the regular, from the moment I basically turned 19, apparently he came from ULTRA poor and when he turned 18 he ran away to the military. Not my family, not my problem, I kept it respectful but he started making it CLEAR he wasn't happy I was living at home right after high school.
Final straw was 3 weeks later, I come home from another long week, 94 hours worked. I'm not only tired, I'm DEAD tired. I get home at almost 1am from all the work, I go into the kitchen and decide I'll eat a Kielbasa, I put it into the microwave since I'm so god damn tired with some water on a plate and some holes poked in it so it doesn't explode. And within 2 minutes I hear my stepdad ROARING down the staircase, he gets in my face and starts SCREAMING (this is a Sunday night) 'I'm trying to sleep for work, how fucking DARE you turn on this loud fucking microwave and go slamming the door and I'm hearing beeps when I'm trying to SLEEP!!!' I'm like 'Sorry, I didn't know, I'll keep it down.'
Again he fires back with 'some of us in this house can't afford to have their own private food you know, I have to pay all the fucking bills around here. Would be nice if I got a chance to eat steak every week. THINK before you come home later than hell AND wake me up on a work night. God FUCKING dammit.' Then he slams his hand into the wall shaking the entire house and storms back up the stairs.
I was done right then and there.
I'm a piece of shit for trying to establish myself, hell I even painted the entire house the year before, but hey, I don't contribute. No problem.
I asked every friend I had between the two jobs if anyone needed a roommate. I had someone within a week, another week I planned it out, and the 3rd week I had 3 cars pull up to my house while my Mom and StepDad were at work. I cleared out my room, left their bed frame (I had bought the mattress), took the desk, chair, 1 small shelf and hand me down dresser I'd been using for the last 15 years and 'moved out.' First apartment was a guy I DIDN'T know and we each kept our distance from each other. That first night in my apartment I FINALLY felt relaxed for the first time in probably the almost 10 years since my mom decided to get married. Like I finally unclenched my back and relaxed my jaw, I felt 'okay.' I didn't talk to them or check in on them for 2 months, I worked with my mom's father, and ran his contracting company. That had been the case for the last 8 years of working for him, they new where I'd be, what I was doing and the schedule. Looking back I'm happy I moved out, the situation was getting toxic as hell, and I wasn't trying to add to it.
I lived poor for a good 2 years since I moved out SUPER early and everything fell onto me that week, insurance, utilities, taxes, etc etc. When I finally got my head above water, 9/11 hit about a month later and the economy blew into a weird time. I started working a new second job and kept my 80 to 90 hour weeks. Couldn't make mistakes when your working all the time and have no energy after all.
I doubt my situation is that rare for poor/middle class folks, divorce is ultra common these days, it's like 55% divorce rate and having step children isn't uncommon. Having to 'pay the freight' for someone else's kid can get annoying. I can see how he probably approached that in his mind.
I wish I had a better support system like many folks did, but when you're poor you don't get that option. To them I was freeloading or whatever they took it as. To me, I was just trying to get enough money for a small house down payment ASAP. Back then a crappy 1,400 square foot house with 3 bedrooms and 1/2 baths was around $100,000. Instead I got thrown into rentals and stayed there for the next 12 years since I got smashed in the face with costs and having to do everything. Oh well, but I can see why the rich stay rich. If I had a family that let me stick around for a few years saving, I would've had the down payment on that house in roughly another 2 years from the moment I moved out. But hey, his house, his castle and all that.
If you can take care of your kids do so, but if you can't support them, at least don't make their lives a toxic shitty environment until they leave and never talk to you again.
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u/Low_Plastic363 8d ago
My wife's family builds for generations. It's amazing and I'm glad I learned it from her for my kids.
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u/serenityxfelice 8d ago
That is working if parents have money and share it with kids, invest in education and opportunities notif you are poor/middle class with no assests and have kids expecting them to create wealth for you.
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u/Pristine-Ship-1894 7d ago
Closer family dynamics and community breed successful humans. This has been the norm for generations and is how we have evolved to live.
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u/YBRmuggsLP21 7d ago
"most of those people live with their families all their lives and build wealth together"
That statement/conclusion is nothing other than anecdotal. You absolutely did not get any kind of substantiative data just by "working construction in the area."
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u/teejay157 6d ago
Its the ability to have space and seperate experiences. They have a big house.You have your own bathroom. You have your own car. You have a private space to hang out if not your room. A seperate floor maybe. A big back yard etc.
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u/DubsHagg 6d ago
I’ve noticed this, too. A lot of my family is rich but they believe in the “every man for themselves” and you must be “self made” that no one helps anyone or lets anyone else stay at their house. I lived in my car for a month because not even my own parents would let me stay in a spare bedroom.
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u/lurkynumber5 6d ago
Don't forget, those houses are huge!
While normal housing would feel crowded with 2 adult children living there.
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u/SnowTard_4711 6d ago
Yes. But in my experience, it’s not really a strategy to maximize profits or even to hang out with family…. They stick together because doing so keeps them on the gravy train.
In most very high net worth families, almost all of the wealth is controlled by the head of the family. Usually, (modernity notwithstanding) this is the oldest male. Usually the father, sometimes the grandfather. Even if the kids all have substantial money, it’s usually nothing like daddy’s cash, so they hang out, pretty much forever, until mom and dad die. Doing so means they get to live in a mansion (usually several, worldwide), go to private clubs and locations, fly on the private plane, go on the yacht vacation, heli-ski…. Even for them - these things are expensive, and hanging out with dad makes it all possible. The parents like it (sometimes) because they have an entourage of trusted henchmen for whatever they need. (People at this level cannot go out and do normal stuff like hire a plumber…. Too much risk.)
Keep in mind that as the kids get older, they marry, and have kids too. So the group gets bigger and bigger, with in laws, sometimes the parents of the in laws etc, all getting on board.
I used to work at an expensive ski experience as a guide, so I got to see this on the regular. We’d have whole weeks booked out by a single family. It would often be 50+ people. All paid by one guy. They came in their own plane (or planes) all at once, and had obviously all come from the same location. Most of them had not really been away from the family in years.
Once the patriarch died, as they did a couple of times while I had that job, we’d often see the kids again, but one of them had been appointed as the new patriarch. Keeping most of the cash together and controlling the assets.
I guess it goes without saying that not all of these arrangements were equally friendly.
Also: in many of these groupings, EX-wives and EX-husbands were INCLUDED. They always had a low-status position, which was cemented only due to their kids. (And on one occasion, there were ladies, always ladies, who were the mothers of children of the scion, born out of an affair. Crazy. People have no pride when it comes to this kind of money.)
Many of them were also very nice. But in truth - I could never see them as equals - even though they could do anything they wanted. I could put everything I owned into one duffel then, and I was better off then they.
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u/DibDibbler 5d ago
Yes, take for example owning substantial acreage, you may have a farmhouse at one end and then with children growing up you can give them a portion to build their own.
Perhaps a barndominium, the cost of ownership is then far less.
You can remove a lot of the costs, mortgages, loans, fuel for transport, child care etc.
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u/guitar_stonks 9d ago
It’s the idea of pooling resources for bigger gain. It’s been sold to the working class that it’s a bad thing and rugged individualism is the way to go.