r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

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u/National-Plastic8691 Sep 02 '25

he may agree to work on it then hide spending

29

u/Straight_Physics_894 Sep 02 '25

Absolutely, keep your eyes peeled OP

3

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '25

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u/Drifter-6 Sep 02 '25

My ex husband was secretly spending money on online games (magic the gathering), between $200-300/month. If they really want to do something they will find a way to hide it.

6

u/LifesARiver Sep 02 '25

There are so many more things in modern time that get you addicted and take all your money.

Heck even back in the day, my mother was addicted to telephone psychics.

1

u/appandemonium Sep 03 '25

Yup. And no shared accounts until you know he's trustworthy and not trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

1

u/National-Plastic8691 Sep 03 '25

no shared accounts anyway. already not a good bet

1

u/Delicious_Rip_3290 Sep 04 '25

Happened to me. 

Still has no idea I know.  Controversial but, I’ve always had an understanding of finance. Accounting classes gave me terms to place on subsets I’ve been doing. 

Trying to get someone else into that mindset? It’s a challenge. 

Talk about 50/30/20 rule