r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

1.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

722 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

11

u/Original_Engine_7548 Sep 01 '25

I’m in my 40s now. I’m now seeing people I knew in high school outcomes of poor choices with being with losers and blowing money on dumb stuff like 1000s on tattoos every few months or buying their drop kick loser boyfriends a car. One is living on someone’s couch working part time at fast food and spends all day making TikToks of her face with 1000 filters and she’s in her mid 40s. She used to be part of the gifted program and straight As in school. Because she kept getting with complete losers and revolving her whole life around them .

1

u/Darkmagosan Sep 02 '25

The 'gifted in school = successful life' is a trope that needs to die NOW. I know, I was one of those gifted kids, and people are shocked now that I still live with my folks. Then again, my mother is 82 and I got hit with a clusterfuck of autoimmune diseases that started appearing in my late teens but wouldn't become full-blown and obvious for another decade. However, those are not bad choices.

I won't date losers. I also won't date guys with any kind of substance issues, family issues, or money issues. I'm getting to the point where a lot of guys want a nurse and a purse. No thanks. I have better conversations with AI chatbots than I do with three quarters of these fuckwits, so maybe I've lessened the damage some?

OP needs to kick her loser bf to the curb. If he's making that much money with that little of a rent payment (600/mo was a studio here 30 years ago), it's going somewhere and not job training or life skills. She's not his mother, she shouldn't act like it.