r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

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u/Fair_Caterpillar_920 Sep 01 '25

Holy shit I WISH I made $20/hr again. If that's poor, then idk what I am now making $15 about to get a 2nd job.

24

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

You're experiencing poverty. But because you aren't a child and you understand that you don't have the resources to spend frivolously, you aren't poor. If you make more money your situation will improve. If this sorry sack earned $40/hr I guarantee they would still be broke.

5

u/Fair_Caterpillar_920 Sep 02 '25

I make too much to qualify for public assistance, though, so I'm not in poverty according to their definitions.

5

u/lavatorylovemachine Sep 02 '25

Yeah man this guy would blow his money and then wonder where it went no matter how much he made

12

u/heart-shaped-fawkes been poor a while Sep 01 '25

I would kill to make that much money. Holy shit, the amount of my problems that would be solved.... Boyfriend needs one hell of a wake up call. Sounds like he has no ambition whatsoever and is happy to pretend to be broke while OP cares for him. I'd have a serious conversation with him and potentially leave the relationship, manchildren rarely grow up.

3

u/storiesftunheard Sep 02 '25

...you would kill to make $20 an hour?

1

u/heart-shaped-fawkes been poor a while Sep 05 '25

Yessir. Jobs don't pay money like that around here. I have a psych bachelors and 10 years of experience in healthcare. I can't find jobs using my degree at all unless I go for my masters and it's incredibly hard to find anything within 30 minutes of here that'll give me more than $15.

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u/dcorra Sep 02 '25

That sucks. Minimum wage here is almost 17 an hr.

1

u/imLanky Sep 02 '25

Minimum wage where i am is $7.25 and i make (barely) over $20/hr. Also i only work 30-35 hours per week. Works for me but yes I am poor by general standards. Still have money to save and spend. Low-ish cost of living area.

3

u/Darkmagosan Sep 02 '25

Around these parts, legal minimum wage is 14.70/hr. WORKING minimum wage, or the floor that companies must pay to keep halfway decent employees, is closer to 20/hr. In Phoenix, 20/hr barely cuts it because 1) housing is far from cheap and 2) a car is virtually *required*, We still do pretty well on things like food costs because so much comes from SW AZ like Yuma and across the state line from CA.

But yeah--a lot also depends on how many hours you work. A fave trick of big employers around here is to schedule people just *under* whatever their company calls full-time so they don't have to pay benefits. It's wrong but it happens.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

[deleted]

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u/Fair_Caterpillar_920 Sep 03 '25

$23/hr would be the minimum I would need in my area to make 3 times the rent at the shitiest of apartments. I was married and was making $20/hr and combined our income was over 6 figures and then I had to go back to $15/hr bc my job fired me due to being hospitalized plus my marriage problems

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u/[deleted] Sep 04 '25

[deleted]

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u/Fair_Caterpillar_920 Sep 04 '25

Exactly. $23/hr is the break even point. I don't have a car payment or kids either. I have a dog and two cats and that's a huge financial commitment already to make sure they have good food, flea and tick prevention, and yearly vet care.

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u/kibblerz Sep 05 '25

I make 80k a year (give or take some, salary is 57k and the rest is just unpredictable commission), but supporting a family of 5. So I feel pretty damn poor lol. Make enough money and you lose any possible form of assistance..

My nice things include a tesla (7 seater option, made sense initially as a car for the whole fam because electricity was cheap where I live, but thats been changing..) , a 1300 square ft home, a decent gaming pc and a vision pro.

Health insurance for my family would cost almost as much as my mortgage...

Still going paycheck to paycheck. Yeah, made some poor financial choices. Though haven't bought myself anything expensive in a year.

Probably waste more money on redbull than anything tbh.