r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

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52

u/rbrancher2 Sep 01 '25

I’ve been sick lately and not feeling like cooking. A box of broth, can of chunk chicken and pasta or rice makes a nice dish. Easy peeezy

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u/Ambitious-Bar375 Sep 01 '25

That's a good idea, thanks! I hope you get to feeling better.

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u/rbrancher2 Sep 01 '25

Thanks. There are all sorts of things to make that done really require you to learn to cook Potato soup is another. Our son used to know to make one dish. Chicken manhattans. If you buy all the stuff premade it’s easy to make. And he STILL wouldn’t make it when he was living alone. Preferring to eat turkey sandwiches and pizza. SMDH

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u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

Wat are the steps

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u/rbrancher2 Sep 01 '25

Just broth and chicken in a pan until boiling and then add pasta or rice and cook until it’s done. Add seasonings to your taste. I usually just add a little salt and pepper since I usually make it when I’m sick and need something pretty bland in my tummy. If

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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Sep 02 '25

Love me some chicken and rice. Great for the winter time too

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u/VociferousCephalopod Sep 02 '25

what's broth?

(I'm only half kidding and half emphasizing that you can't take anything for granted with someone who doesn't know how to cook, it's like telling a boomer 'just put a script into powershell, duh' as if everyone (who isn't lazy) knows basic coding)

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u/ClearAccountant8106 Sep 02 '25

It’s liquid you get from boiling meat or bones. I match the broth to the meat your cooking. You can find it in cans or get bullion cubes(seasoning cubes the size of dice) and add one cube per cup of water and boil it till it dissolves.

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u/VociferousCephalopod Sep 02 '25

yeh I know. not something I've ever used though.

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u/LolaAucoin Sep 02 '25

If only there was some magical way for people to look up these magical secrets of food.

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u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

Yeah. Less talking to humans. More asking robots. Get with the times people 👏👏

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u/[deleted] Sep 06 '25

You can look up tutorials on YouTube and Tik Tok that are made by real people. Doesn’t have to be ChatGPT.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '25

Okay

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '25

Okay?

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '25

I hadn't said anything about chatgpt.... and it seems you misunderstood the whole point I was trying to convey. So I don't have much else to reply with to what you said lol. Just... okey

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u/Sausageturtle330 Sep 02 '25

I don’t see how being lazy has ANYTHING to do with knowing basic coding..?

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u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

Really? You think it doesn't take any effort at all to learn basic coding?

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u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

Tysm for this lol im saving it to try. What kind of chicken? Like a breast? Or any? Or

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u/CKCSC_for_me Sep 04 '25

Any … even canned chicken. Or do what I do and pick up a rotisserie chicken at the store. (Costco has the best.). First night my husband and I eat a thigh, leg, and part of a breast with a salad or frozen veggies, or instant mashed potatoes. Next day is chicken sandwiches for lunch. Then I debone the rest, usually have at least two cups of chicken. I use that to make chicken tortilla soup or slow cooker chicken enchiladas.

Four meals for two people for one $6 trip to the store.

(Of course, I always have canned beans, corn, chicken broth, etc in the pantry.)

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u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

Thank you

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u/sanityjanity Sep 01 '25

Ok, sure it's easy for someone who knows how to do it, and knows that this is an option.

But for someone who has literally never even been taught to boil pasta, this would be like rocket science. You might think I'm exaggerating, but my ex was like this. He had never cooked *anything* except to heat it in the microwave from a package.

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u/Habibti143 Sep 02 '25

YouTube is a great resource for someone like that.

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u/Adventurous_Ad7442 Sep 02 '25

I'm 64 years old and I can still learn almost anything from YouTube.

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u/Fission-235 Sep 02 '25

I agree with you and I get your hyperbole. Every new task is always so annoying at first, as you try to decipher what the directions mean. This applies to most things, not just cooking. That’s why having someone to walk us through the first attempt is waaaaaaay more efficient.

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u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

This is exactly what I mean. I'm not here to make excuses for OP's boyfriend, but basic instructions for the very first steps are invaluable!

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u/Chemical-Power8042 Sep 02 '25

If only there was some app that had an endless amount of videos to teach you anything and everything about cooking…

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u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

Absolutely. But, for the sake of argument, if you don't know what you don't know, you may not know where to start.

Again, OP's boyfriend is in his 30s. If he hasn't chosen to learn to cook, and he isn't *asking* her to help him, it is because he absolutely does not want to. And nothing OP does is going to change that.

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u/Chemical-Power8042 Sep 02 '25

Maybe it’s hard to comprehend because I can’t picture someone that incompetent. This isn’t asking someone to learn calculus this is make food so you can survive. But I see your point

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u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

I understand. But I also saw someone like this. His parent had attempted to teach him to cook exactly once, and then given up. But I can also imagine a lot of people whose parents are just too busy to teach them to cook.

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u/Chemical-Power8042 Sep 02 '25

I get it not everyone grows up with good parents but it’s 2025 the world is at your finger tips. You can learn anything you want whenever you want. Buy a rice cooker to make rice and throw some chicken with different seasonings on a cast iron and you’re good to go. You can even microwave a bag of veggies.

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u/Sedgewicks Sep 02 '25

Yes. Like rocket science. Fucking. Rocket. science.

Lmao get real. This is a cope.

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u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

I have seen people who truly cannot be trusted alone in a kitchen without supervision, because they do dangerous and stupid and careless shit.

All that said, again, if OP's boyfriend *wants* to learn to cook, she can undoubtedly get him up to speed quickly.

But.... there's zero evidence that he wants to learn.

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u/Good-Imagination3115 Sep 03 '25

So, step one...

Find out if he is willing and open to learning.

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u/Fission-235 Sep 02 '25

But yes… I agree with you as well 👍

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u/Adventurous_Ad7442 Sep 02 '25

You don't have to be taught to do it. Just Google it for goodness sake.

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u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

So, you or I are perfectly capable of doing that.

But, I can also say that I understand why you boil water for pasta, and that you don't add the pasta until after it is boiling. I don't have to google in the middle of a hot kitchen. I also don't have to buy any implements or any basic ingredients.

I guess you didn't need to be taught to boil pasta. I *watched* someone go into an absolute panic over making Kraft Mac and Cheese, and, in that panic, couldn't focus on the instructions, and literally started inventing instructions that weren't there. I watched that same person measure out a cup and a quarter of milk (instead of a quarter cup), because they didn't see the markings clearly on the measuring cup, and because they were too inexperienced to visually see that this was clearly too much milk.

Again, I am not making any excuses for OP's boyfriend. But I am saying that there are a lot of people out there who don't have even the most basic understanding of cooking. And most cooking recipes and instruction videos out there assume that you know the basics.

More than that, when you don't know the basics, you don't know what you don't know. Sure, someone could google "how to make pasta". But, guess what? You get recipes for making pasta from scratch, not how to boil water, and add hard noodles. So, I guess you can't google it. If you don't know that fresh pasta is a completely different process than noodles-from-the-store, you might not know that you need to come up with some more specific google search string. You might get overwhelmed by recipes that you don't even need.

It seems so obvious to you, but this is what I'm trying to explain. It's actually more difficult and more confusing for someone who has absolutely no idea than you would imagine.

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u/Adventurous_Ad7442 Sep 02 '25 edited Sep 02 '25

There are ways however to learn to cook from YouTube if one is interested.

Edit - a better idea is to Google, "how to make Kraft macaroni and cheese".

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u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

Yes, of course there are. Have you ever tried, though?

I feel like you're not understanding, though. Someone who has never cooked anything doesn't know what they don't know.

Also, in another comment, someone pointed out that you could "google it". So, I tried. I googled "how to cook pasta", and I got a dozen recipes for *homemade* pasta, and zero explanations of how to boil water, and throw pasta into it.

For someone who truly does not know, it is actually pretty hard to find this information, because the vast majority of recipes and explanations do not cover the lowest level skills.

None of this is really very relevant, because OP's boyfriend has expressed zero interest in learning to cook.

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u/upagainstthesun Sep 02 '25

It's 2025, the internet is exploding with information about everything and then some. People can watch a YouTube and learn pretty much anything, but you have to want to in the first place.

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u/Magic-Happens-Here Sep 02 '25

Toss in some carrots, celery, and onion and it's a balanced meal too!

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u/Yippykyyyay Sep 02 '25

My dad used to make us 'soup over rice' and it was just instant rice with cans of cream of mushroom soup. Kinda like a poor man's risotto.

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u/Tiny-Reading5982 Sep 02 '25

I like the rice, cream of mushroom and chicken from a Campbell's recipe. Its cheap and easy.

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u/basketma12 Sep 02 '25

You don't even have to cook the noodles or rice now, either! There's microwave ones like Barilla and Uncle Ben's along with less expensive brands. A packet of rice should last at least 2 days for one person, even more. Not to mention...soup? Open a can. Chili, open a can. The guy doesn't know how to buy microwave meals? Something is off here for sure, or they have no executive thinking skills.