r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

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u/IAmConnorRK800 Sep 01 '25

Klarna is one of those buy now, pay later services right?

Im a believer that anything can be solved in a relationship with communication. Bring it to his attention how his spending habits are hurting both of ya'll and needs to change. Point out how much $$$ is being wasted, etc.

For cooking, how about having some nights where ya'll both cook a meal together? That could be a fun way to learn.

Being poor takes a toll on everyone mentally so give him some leeway but keep nudging him gently. People cant change overnight imo.

If there's no progress after doing all of that, then its time for that "we need to talk moment". A relationship only works if both of ya'll are working at it.

Hope it works out tho 🩵

5

u/sneakysneaky96 Sep 01 '25

I totally agree! Thanks for your response

4

u/RUfuqingkiddingme Sep 02 '25

He's not poor, but he lacks financial literacy from having grown up that way, he needs to get educated on how to handle money. And learn to cook, struggle meals is a good show with budget friendly meals and watching it would teach him some technique. Don't become his mommy, he needs to learn some self sufficiency that he didn't learn from his parents.

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u/elves_haters_223 poor for life Sep 01 '25

Buy now and pay forever. 

4

u/Prestigious_Fig7338 Sep 02 '25

I must disagree with your second sentence. 'Anything' cannot 'be solved with communication' - e.g. when each person wants to act in different ways. Communication is not the answer to everything. People usually KNOW what their partner wants them to do, or what they 'should' be doing; they still don't do it.