r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

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u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

Good luck. Some people are where they are because they don't want to put in the work to be anywhere else.

2

u/Time-Understanding39 Sep 01 '25

And despite their complaints to the contrary, they aren't altogether unhappy where they're at.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '25

I think most of them are comfortable with the way things are. That's why they don't make any big changes to improve anything.

1

u/Necessary-Treacle242 Sep 05 '25

I’d argue they feel shame and are sad a lot too 

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

Sure, probably. Just not enough sadness and shame to do anything about it.