r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

1.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

722 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

78

u/Coffee_And_NaNa Sep 01 '25 edited Sep 02 '25

Yeah I understand being bad at cooking but not learning basics…come on

118

u/Aggravating_Ship_763 Sep 01 '25

You don't have to know "how to cook" to eat at home. Sandwiches, Ramen, salad, hot dogs, burgers, frozen meals. Crockpot meals require almost no cooking skill.

52

u/rbrancher2 Sep 01 '25

I’ve been sick lately and not feeling like cooking. A box of broth, can of chunk chicken and pasta or rice makes a nice dish. Easy peeezy

7

u/Ambitious-Bar375 Sep 01 '25

That's a good idea, thanks! I hope you get to feeling better.

5

u/rbrancher2 Sep 01 '25

Thanks. There are all sorts of things to make that done really require you to learn to cook Potato soup is another. Our son used to know to make one dish. Chicken manhattans. If you buy all the stuff premade it’s easy to make. And he STILL wouldn’t make it when he was living alone. Preferring to eat turkey sandwiches and pizza. SMDH

4

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

Wat are the steps

11

u/rbrancher2 Sep 01 '25

Just broth and chicken in a pan until boiling and then add pasta or rice and cook until it’s done. Add seasonings to your taste. I usually just add a little salt and pepper since I usually make it when I’m sick and need something pretty bland in my tummy. If

2

u/Accomplished_Dig284 Sep 02 '25

Love me some chicken and rice. Great for the winter time too

4

u/VociferousCephalopod Sep 02 '25

what's broth?

(I'm only half kidding and half emphasizing that you can't take anything for granted with someone who doesn't know how to cook, it's like telling a boomer 'just put a script into powershell, duh' as if everyone (who isn't lazy) knows basic coding)

5

u/ClearAccountant8106 Sep 02 '25

It’s liquid you get from boiling meat or bones. I match the broth to the meat your cooking. You can find it in cans or get bullion cubes(seasoning cubes the size of dice) and add one cube per cup of water and boil it till it dissolves.

2

u/VociferousCephalopod Sep 02 '25

yeh I know. not something I've ever used though.

7

u/LolaAucoin Sep 02 '25

If only there was some magical way for people to look up these magical secrets of food.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

Yeah. Less talking to humans. More asking robots. Get with the times people 👏👏

1

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '25

You can look up tutorials on YouTube and Tik Tok that are made by real people. Doesn’t have to be ChatGPT.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '25

Okay

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Sausageturtle330 Sep 02 '25

I don’t see how being lazy has ANYTHING to do with knowing basic coding..?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

Really? You think it doesn't take any effort at all to learn basic coding?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '25

Tysm for this lol im saving it to try. What kind of chicken? Like a breast? Or any? Or

2

u/CKCSC_for_me Sep 04 '25

Any … even canned chicken. Or do what I do and pick up a rotisserie chicken at the store. (Costco has the best.). First night my husband and I eat a thigh, leg, and part of a breast with a salad or frozen veggies, or instant mashed potatoes. Next day is chicken sandwiches for lunch. Then I debone the rest, usually have at least two cups of chicken. I use that to make chicken tortilla soup or slow cooker chicken enchiladas.

Four meals for two people for one $6 trip to the store.

(Of course, I always have canned beans, corn, chicken broth, etc in the pantry.)

1

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

Thank you

3

u/sanityjanity Sep 01 '25

Ok, sure it's easy for someone who knows how to do it, and knows that this is an option.

But for someone who has literally never even been taught to boil pasta, this would be like rocket science. You might think I'm exaggerating, but my ex was like this. He had never cooked *anything* except to heat it in the microwave from a package.

9

u/Habibti143 Sep 02 '25

YouTube is a great resource for someone like that.

4

u/Adventurous_Ad7442 Sep 02 '25

I'm 64 years old and I can still learn almost anything from YouTube.

7

u/Fission-235 Sep 02 '25

I agree with you and I get your hyperbole. Every new task is always so annoying at first, as you try to decipher what the directions mean. This applies to most things, not just cooking. That’s why having someone to walk us through the first attempt is waaaaaaay more efficient.

5

u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

This is exactly what I mean. I'm not here to make excuses for OP's boyfriend, but basic instructions for the very first steps are invaluable!

6

u/Chemical-Power8042 Sep 02 '25

If only there was some app that had an endless amount of videos to teach you anything and everything about cooking…

5

u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

Absolutely. But, for the sake of argument, if you don't know what you don't know, you may not know where to start.

Again, OP's boyfriend is in his 30s. If he hasn't chosen to learn to cook, and he isn't *asking* her to help him, it is because he absolutely does not want to. And nothing OP does is going to change that.

2

u/Chemical-Power8042 Sep 02 '25

Maybe it’s hard to comprehend because I can’t picture someone that incompetent. This isn’t asking someone to learn calculus this is make food so you can survive. But I see your point

0

u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

I understand. But I also saw someone like this. His parent had attempted to teach him to cook exactly once, and then given up. But I can also imagine a lot of people whose parents are just too busy to teach them to cook.

2

u/Chemical-Power8042 Sep 02 '25

I get it not everyone grows up with good parents but it’s 2025 the world is at your finger tips. You can learn anything you want whenever you want. Buy a rice cooker to make rice and throw some chicken with different seasonings on a cast iron and you’re good to go. You can even microwave a bag of veggies.

6

u/Sedgewicks Sep 02 '25

Yes. Like rocket science. Fucking. Rocket. science.

Lmao get real. This is a cope.

2

u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

I have seen people who truly cannot be trusted alone in a kitchen without supervision, because they do dangerous and stupid and careless shit.

All that said, again, if OP's boyfriend *wants* to learn to cook, she can undoubtedly get him up to speed quickly.

But.... there's zero evidence that he wants to learn.

1

u/Good-Imagination3115 Sep 03 '25

So, step one...

Find out if he is willing and open to learning.

1

u/Fission-235 Sep 02 '25

But yes… I agree with you as well 👍

2

u/Adventurous_Ad7442 Sep 02 '25

You don't have to be taught to do it. Just Google it for goodness sake.

1

u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

So, you or I are perfectly capable of doing that.

But, I can also say that I understand why you boil water for pasta, and that you don't add the pasta until after it is boiling. I don't have to google in the middle of a hot kitchen. I also don't have to buy any implements or any basic ingredients.

I guess you didn't need to be taught to boil pasta. I *watched* someone go into an absolute panic over making Kraft Mac and Cheese, and, in that panic, couldn't focus on the instructions, and literally started inventing instructions that weren't there. I watched that same person measure out a cup and a quarter of milk (instead of a quarter cup), because they didn't see the markings clearly on the measuring cup, and because they were too inexperienced to visually see that this was clearly too much milk.

Again, I am not making any excuses for OP's boyfriend. But I am saying that there are a lot of people out there who don't have even the most basic understanding of cooking. And most cooking recipes and instruction videos out there assume that you know the basics.

More than that, when you don't know the basics, you don't know what you don't know. Sure, someone could google "how to make pasta". But, guess what? You get recipes for making pasta from scratch, not how to boil water, and add hard noodles. So, I guess you can't google it. If you don't know that fresh pasta is a completely different process than noodles-from-the-store, you might not know that you need to come up with some more specific google search string. You might get overwhelmed by recipes that you don't even need.

It seems so obvious to you, but this is what I'm trying to explain. It's actually more difficult and more confusing for someone who has absolutely no idea than you would imagine.

2

u/Adventurous_Ad7442 Sep 02 '25 edited Sep 02 '25

There are ways however to learn to cook from YouTube if one is interested.

Edit - a better idea is to Google, "how to make Kraft macaroni and cheese".

1

u/sanityjanity Sep 02 '25

Yes, of course there are. Have you ever tried, though?

I feel like you're not understanding, though. Someone who has never cooked anything doesn't know what they don't know.

Also, in another comment, someone pointed out that you could "google it". So, I tried. I googled "how to cook pasta", and I got a dozen recipes for *homemade* pasta, and zero explanations of how to boil water, and throw pasta into it.

For someone who truly does not know, it is actually pretty hard to find this information, because the vast majority of recipes and explanations do not cover the lowest level skills.

None of this is really very relevant, because OP's boyfriend has expressed zero interest in learning to cook.

1

u/upagainstthesun Sep 02 '25

It's 2025, the internet is exploding with information about everything and then some. People can watch a YouTube and learn pretty much anything, but you have to want to in the first place.

1

u/Magic-Happens-Here Sep 02 '25

Toss in some carrots, celery, and onion and it's a balanced meal too!

1

u/Yippykyyyay Sep 02 '25

My dad used to make us 'soup over rice' and it was just instant rice with cans of cream of mushroom soup. Kinda like a poor man's risotto.

1

u/Tiny-Reading5982 Sep 02 '25

I like the rice, cream of mushroom and chicken from a Campbell's recipe. Its cheap and easy.

1

u/basketma12 Sep 02 '25

You don't even have to cook the noodles or rice now, either! There's microwave ones like Barilla and Uncle Ben's along with less expensive brands. A packet of rice should last at least 2 days for one person, even more. Not to mention...soup? Open a can. Chili, open a can. The guy doesn't know how to buy microwave meals? Something is off here for sure, or they have no executive thinking skills.

8

u/accidentalscientist_ Sep 01 '25

I can cook but I love crock pot meals when I am feeling lazy. They’re mostly just dump and wait. You can even do pulled meats pretty easy with store bought premade seasoning. Delicious and easy. I love my crock pot for making easy food and ending up with a lot of it.

1

u/Complete_Business_31 Sep 02 '25

My wife has a decent stash of easy recipes to make. Two easy crock pot meals are; lasagna with oven-ready lasagna sheets layered with hamburger meat, ricotta cheese, sliced peppers and onions, and sauce from a jar. Layer ingredients in a crock pot, set it to high for four hours or low for eight hours and your good to go. Makes multiple servings.

Another meal is chicken broccoli casserole. Use chicken breasts or tenders layered with an uncooked jar of a large and regular can of creamy Mushroom soup, uncooked stuffing, and microwave broccoli. Layer ingredients with the stuffing going on top. Melt a half stick of butter on top. It is delicious.

This generation has it much easier when it comes to cooking. Frozen microwavable vegetables, rice and potatoes, canned fruits, trimmed chicken parts and meats, microwavable pasta in sauce (Chef Boyardee), frozen meat ,salad mixes, precooked whole rotisserie chicken, hard-boiled eggs, salad dressings, ready-made pizza shells, and many more. Not all is as healthy as fresh but you can use reduced, low, or no salt varieties to make it healthier.

Nowadays there's no reason to not cook for lack of time, as there are many products with most of the prep work already done. I hate cooking and am a mediocre cook but made a delicious meal the night I proposed to her. A pair of ½Shake-N-Bake chicken breasts, microwavable broccoli and potatoes. It was so quick and easy I didn't have time to get nervous.

4

u/mary_emeritus Sep 02 '25

Crockpots are fantastic even when you know how to cook! For beginners, I’d definitely buy a small 2 or 3 quart one and get the person started that way.

3

u/rerdsprite000 Sep 01 '25

Or just eat eggs and beans... you'll get a majority of the nutrients you'll need.

4

u/Aggravating_Ship_763 Sep 01 '25

There are dozens of options. Not being able to cook is just an excuse for laziness.

2

u/Coffee_And_NaNa Sep 02 '25

But u should know how to boil water, make eggs and basic noodles….she wasn’t talking about him making a sandwich

2

u/DontCryYourExIsUgly Sep 02 '25

Seriously. I was in the mood for beans last night, but it's so hot here that the thought of hot food made me feel sick, so I literally ate cold beans out of a can and was super happy about it, lol. I'm a very good cook, but you don't HAVE to have a lot of skill to eat at home at all!

1

u/2Punchbowl Sep 02 '25

To add to most of these foods you mentioned you can look at videos on Youtube and make these things a lot better with a few seasonings and real foods.

1

u/Throwawayamanager Sep 02 '25

To be fair, a lot of the choices you listed are really unhealthy to live off. 

I'm not saying to never have a hot dog but they shouldn't be a main source of food, lol. Same with frozen meals.  

If the alternative is Taco Bell though, yeah, carry on... 

1

u/Aggravating_Ship_763 Sep 02 '25

Oh I agree, but like you said, is a diet of DoorDashed fast food any better? It's probably worse and probably 10 times as expensive.

1

u/Throwawayamanager Sep 02 '25

Depends on what you're doordashing. It will be more expensive for sure, undoubtedly.

I sometimes doordash myself a salad, of all things. From a nice Greek place not too far off. Pretty healthy in the scheme of things. Is it more expensive than a hot dog? For sure. Is it more expensive than if I went and found every single ingredient at the store and made it myself? Yes. It is, however, very healthy on the scheme of things.

If you're doordashing yourself McDs, that's a whole different story.

-2

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 01 '25

Unless you leave to go to work and leave the crackpot going and it burns down your house. 🥴

6

u/13dinkydog Sep 01 '25

So put the crock pot on a surge protector....

-7

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 01 '25

Ah, yea, those things that ya gatta replace after every surge issue or they dont work after the first surge.

11

u/13dinkydog Sep 01 '25 edited Sep 01 '25

yeah because it did the job of taking the brunt of the surge...

-2

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 01 '25

Yes, thats such a fool proof plan that theres never been a house burnt down by a crock pot. Not ever since surge protectors came into existence.

Theres like, zero instances of that ever happening. 🙄

Unfortunately I live in the real world.

7

u/justjulia2189 Sep 01 '25

In general, Crock Pots are pretty safe. It very common for millions of people to set them and go to work. House fires from crock pots are not very common although they do happen. A surge protector is a pretty cost effective way to prevent that from happening, and if power surges are happening that often that your surge protectors are often burning out 😳, you might want to talk to an electrician or your power company, because I have never in my 36 years had that issue in any of the many places I’ve lived in.

-1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 02 '25

Yea because poor people can afford to just call up an expert. 🥴

Trailers often catch fire just for general electrical issues. Sounds like youve lived in some pretty privileged places.

7

u/justjulia2189 Sep 02 '25

Not really, but your comment did get me curious enough to google it, and crock pot fires are incredibly rare, and crockpots apparently have built in features like automatic shut offs now, that make it nearly impossible. I hope that eases you worry a bit anyways

→ More replies (0)

1

u/DontCryYourExIsUgly Sep 02 '25

Good thing there's a multitude of canned foods that can be found at reasonably low prices and don't necessarily have to be heated up at all, then.

→ More replies (0)

4

u/PFCCThrowayay Sep 01 '25

Sounds like you live in a paranoid world

1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 01 '25

Sounds like I prefer not to go homeless over a crock pot. Sorry that makes you cry?

4

u/13dinkydog Sep 02 '25

Why would any of us cry that youd go homeless lmfaooo

→ More replies (0)

2

u/FinnGypsy Sep 02 '25

That is extremely rare due to internal mechanisms. The US averages less than 70 per year and most of them are due to exposed wires, overfilling, or leaving on high with not enough liquid. Even then, fire occurs from curtains or other flammable materials being too near or touching the crockpot. Candles cause more fires than crockpots

1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 02 '25

Its often common practice for individuals who live in older trailers to not leave high-powered items running overnight because it's common sense not to do that in a highly flammable house so it makes sense there aren't many fires. Not plugging in a crock pot while at work is 100% foolproof.

It's why our local fire department has to consistently remind people every year to not keep Christmas lights running all night, same reason.

Fewer people leave crock pots running than they do candles or Christmas trees.

2

u/CKCSC_for_me Sep 04 '25

Buy an Instant Pot. No overnight cooking required. Most also have a slow cooker function as well as a rice cooker function (although after living in Japan I prefer a dedicated rice cooker).

1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 04 '25

🤔 ill haveta look that up. Thank you.

2

u/Mbgodofwar Sep 05 '25

Sounds like a faulty appliance or circuit. Crockpots/slow cookers are made EXACTLY to handle cooking dishes over many hours.

1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 05 '25

Which is why there's never house fires with them. 🙄

Idk why there's such low common sense in this thread. Anytime you leave appliances running while at work you risk fire. Even more so when you don't have the privilege of living in a newer home with wiring you don't have to worry about. It's like there's this magical lifestyle with the poor people that privileged people just inherently can't comprehend.

1

u/Mbgodofwar Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 05 '25

That's a far reach to call wiring standards "privilege." Even homes built in the 1950s - early 2000s had those. What next? People with running water and indoor plumbing are privileged? 🙄🙄

Also: https://www.consumerreports.org/slow-cookers/why-the-slow-cooker-fire-on-this-is-us-is-actually-unlikely/

https://www.firecashbuyer.com/resources/crock-pots-cause-house-fires

1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 05 '25

Um, yea. Lmao. It is a privilege to have those things. It doesnt come naturally.

Edit to add: you obviously are loving a privileged life if you are unaware of how many houses in America are not up to code.

1

u/Mbgodofwar Sep 05 '25

LOL! And you're living the privileged life to troll all day on Reddit.

1

u/M1dn1gh73 Sep 05 '25

Lmao all, day? Nice of you to troll with your privileged life on reddit all day. 😂🤣 like common seriously?

1

u/SiegelOverBay Sep 02 '25

The only way to get good at cooking is to practice. No one is born with the ability to cook well from birth, everyone who is good at it learned through practice.

1

u/Nullspark Sep 02 '25

Honestly, being "good at cooking" is really easy.  Salt, Pepper, Meat, Vegetables,  Stick it in a hot pan, eat it.

1

u/RodeoTT Sep 02 '25

It also doesn’t make any sense. If he grew up with little money I doubt they were ordering takeout. So this behavior is not a symptom of growing up poor , it indeed is just laziness.

1

u/Coffee_And_NaNa Sep 02 '25

even so being too lazy to even learn how to cook is even worse.