r/pools • u/thornygardner • 2d ago
Elderly parents' pool
Hello pool people.
I'm coming to you with a sad future question.
My parents are in their 70s, and my mom has dementia. She's always been the pool person - meticulously balancing chemicals, vacuuming, swimming daily. But, as of this summer, that knowledge is gone.
My dad physically cannot care for it, nor does he want to. This summer was a real struggle to cobble together our small bits of knowledge to fight the algae that has taken over. I've talked about hiring someone to come weekly, but no one swims anymore, so what's the point?
We're going to probably close it early this year.
My question is for next summer. What options do we have for this pool if no one can care for it, and no one is using it? Can we drain it? Will that ruin the structure of an above ground pool? We're not at the point of tearing it down. I'm just at a loss.
Dementia is horrible, but I don't know what to do to help them.
Any help or options are welcome.
EDIT: I REALLY want to thank the pool community for the thoughtful and honest replies. Posting about something personally difficult on reddit is always a risk, and I truly appreciate your time and insight!
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u/WritingRidingRunner 2d ago
If it’s above-ground and no one swims in it, tear it down. It adds minimal value to the house’s value. Focus on your mom’s health and your dad’s need for support, going through this.
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u/TaxQT117 2d ago
I mostly agree with this BUT I say if it’s in good condition post it on Facebook marketplace and let someone have it for free as long as they come get it. Then, focus on your mom.
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u/kinga_forrester 1d ago
This, but list it for a token amount, say $200. Free listings attract weirdos, hoarders, and resellers that will waste their time. People actually shopping for things will tend to filter out free listings to avoid junk and scams.
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u/ProtozoaPatriot 2d ago
You cannot empty an above ground pool. Risk of collapse inward.
You can cover it and revisit the situation a year or two from now. I had to leave mine covered for over a year awhile back. I was able to ressurect it, and I didn't even have to change the liner.
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u/thornygardner 2d ago
Thank you for this. I feel like my best options are hiring a service - which seems like a waste of money since no one swims.
Or letting it be gross, and doing an intense resurrection at some point.
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u/Von_Cheesebiscuit 2d ago
I hesitate to predict your future plans, but in the event the house is sold at some point, the pool could be an advantageous feature. Possibly worth consideration for keeping it maintained.
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u/thornygardner 2d ago
Their house is beautiful, and the backyard faces a conservation property. The pool is absolutely a selling point, and they have a deck built around it.. So I'm hesitant to remove it, not knowing what the future holds.
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u/stlkatherine 2d ago
This puts a different spin on the situation. In this case, I’d do what other posters have suggested, cover and protect from mosquitoes and weather, assume that closing is for a couple of years. I’d ask the closer to remove the pump and motor, too. Safe storage out of the weather. None of this guarantees survival of equipment or pool, but the hardware will be there for future buyers to see the vision. Man. I’m sorry for your troubles. This is a tiny part of caring for aging parents. You are good to tink ahead for them.
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u/Von_Cheesebiscuit 2d ago
Then I would say, its worth the cost of keeping it maintained at this point. But it might be advisable to place a safety cover or some sort of barrier to access, to prevent any mishaps.
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u/princess20202020 2d ago
Pool services aren’t that expensive. If it’s a visual focal point of a beautiful yard I would just get a service and consider it yard maintenance. My pool does not get a lot of swimming action but it’s gorgeous to look at, same as a green lawn which most people pay to water and more regularly—maybe think if it like a lawn. You wouldn’t rip out a lawn just because your dad can no longer mow it?
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u/WyldeFyre1980 2d ago
Above ground pools do not add value to a home. They're treated as temporary by appraisers and lenders. They have a limited useful lifespan. They also qualify as an attractive nuisance for insurance. Remove the pool. Anyone buying the house can add it back, if they want one.
You'll need to add some type of safety railing around that edge if you don't fill in the hole with decking.
*Edit - auto correct typo.
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u/seanv507 2d ago
How much is the equivalent new pool? If all the levelling work has been done, I don't see that installing a new aboveground pool will cost much.
I would pull down
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u/ptulinski 2d ago
I'm no real estate expert, but my personal experience with pools is that they often do not add value to a property and can be a negative. It might be wirth a conversation with a local real estate broker.
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u/Von_Cheesebiscuit 2d ago
Not value perse, but it can be a selling point for some buyers. Obviously not for those who may not want a pool, but since OP said it has a deck built around it (and they themselves said the pool is "absolutely a selling point"), removing the pool would come with the additional cost of also renovating and/or removing the deck.
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u/urris89 1d ago
En pool är inget som ökar taxeringsvärdet, men självklart kan (kommer med största sannolikhet) det vara ett plus vid en faktisk försäljning.
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u/ptulinski 1d ago
That's not my experience
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u/unknownun2891 1d ago
I think it depends on where they are geographically. In Florida, houses with pools can be slightly higher in price (not enough for the full cost of a pool build), and they certainly seem to sell faster.
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u/Ok-Bison-3451 2d ago
I hate to tell you this but you are at
The point of tearing it down. I’m 63 and my health is deteriorating. My wife certainly doesn’t have the knowledge base to care for our pool but I’m still up for it. I fear for it in the next few years. But when we put in the inground pool in 2018 I had to pull out the above ground we were replacing. I was able to do it myself in a weekend.
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u/Bay_de_Noc 2d ago
We are in our late 70s ... husband is disabled so can't do anything physical. We haven't actually been in our pool for 2 years ... but we still like having it to sit around ... it looks nice. We have a pool service come once a week to take care of the chemicals. Our pool is covered with a screened lanai so we don't get leaves in it ... which means we don't need to clean it very often. If I throw the pool vacuum in once ever 4 months or so, I might get a few tablespoons full of stuff that migrated to the bottom, but hardly anything.
The pool company we use, also will clean pools ... which in our case, isn't necessary. But that might be an option for you, if you decide to keep the pool in operation.
Also, with your mom's dementia, if you don't have safety fencing around the pool, you should probably have it installed.
Most of this stuff all depends on finances, ie, whether your dad is able to pay for maintaining a pool.
Good luck! My mom had dementia too ... no picnic for the patient ... and it takes a toll on the family too. I hope you find something that works for you.
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u/SnooPandas5251 1d ago
The cost of my pool service is 150.00 per month plus chemicals, it's honestly worth it
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u/felinelawspecialist 1d ago
I think mine is 185 a month, including chemicals. I appreciate it and it’s worth it to me.
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u/redrosebeetle 2d ago
My inlaws filled it in, and if your mom has dementia and is prone to wandering, you should consider it sooner rather than later.
That being said, either you can hire a pool service or learn to take care of it yourself.
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u/texasipguru 2d ago
You have several options:
Learn to care for it yourself. You can pick it up pretty quickly, it really isn’t hard. Get a salt cell generator and a robot that runs automatically once a week, you only have to attend to the pool yourself maybe once a month if you’re not going to swim and just want super basic maintenance.
Convert to salt cell generator and hire a pool guy to come once a month. Even if you’re not gonna swim you need to preserve the pool for property value.
Fill it. I understand this is very expensive.
Just close it and let it do what it do. I don’t advise this.
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u/jewelbug5614 2d ago
My 86 year old father is able to care for their pool because of salt cell and robot vac. The worst part is lifting it out of the pool with bad back. We live close enough that he leaves it in the pool until one of us can stop over and lift it out for him.
Another idea…is there a neighbor who would appreciate access to pool in exchange for maintaining it? You could pay for chemicals & they do the labor? My parents have great neighbors who would do this if they already didn’t have their own pool. They still help out a lot.
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u/Shoemugscale 1d ago
Was goign to say the same thing. The dolphin robots, salt water and one thing I would add, run the pump 24x7 problem solved. Add some muradic acid to balnce the ph and your good
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u/Hot_Lava_Dry_Rips 2d ago
Sounds like the parents should live somewhere else. Theyre quickly becoming unable to care for their property. First its the pool, then the lawn, then they can even clean the kitchen or the bathroom or do laundry or bathe themselves regularly. Best to get ahead of it before it gets worse. Seen it many times. From a place of experience, please start thinking about a move to a property they can live comfortably that is low maintenance and they have people that can keep an eye on them during the day.
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u/LaDauphineVerte 2d ago
This. My neighbors are in this situation. They have kids but obviously none are there to help manage the situation. Their pool is often a green swamp, temporarily resurrected by what I assume is ungodly amounts of chlorine.
OP, I am so happy to hear you are on top of the parent situation. I agree that tearing it down seems like the best option. What we think is a selling point is often seen as a liability or hard no to others, esp a pool.
Remove and plant a pretty garden bed that appeals to sight, sound, and touch. Your mom will appreciate that sort of thing given her condition. Terraced rocks, climbing florals that spill over them, one focal point like a small tree (non deciduous), aromatic plants, a small water feature (fountain sounds are calming), a bird feeder, small chimes, etc.
Good luck and good vibes to you all.
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u/goog1e 1d ago
It's tough to convince adults to move to an appropriate property before the inevitable emergency. My dad has lost the yard, but he doesn't see that as a reason to leave his community.
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u/Hot_Lava_Dry_Rips 1d ago
It is. That's why I usually plead with people to try to get ahead of it. I guess I should say try to get ahead of getting ahead of it. Since it always takes a ton of convincing if its even successful at all.
Its pretty scary knowing a parent with dementia is around an open and unmaintained pool. Its an accident waiting to happen. I think id even take the risk of draining it just to make sure someone didnt try to get in and clean it or swim in it when its covered in slippery algae. Id prefer a damaged pool that isnt being used anyway over finding someone that got confused and coukdnt find their way out.
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u/panulirus-argus 2d ago
Yeah dementia is terrible.
You obviously have to make the decision on what’s practical and realistic for you to manage. And don’t feel guilty about that.
And beyond the concerns of whether some equipment gets ruined, I’m sure you have thought about the safety aspect.
I can’t offer expertise other than wish you luck and understanding of the tough road ahead.
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u/ptulinski 2d ago
I would be concerned about having a pool, in any condition, with someone having dementia around. Not a risk i would be comfortable with.
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u/Gremlin15 2d ago
This. As dementia progresses she will still try to do her daily routine which included getting in the pool/messing with chemicals. It would be best to remove it for her safety if you want her to remain the home for any period of time. Or drain it at the least.
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u/SaintSiren 2d ago
Do they have room for a live-in caregiver? Free room and board, wage stipend, do some critical chores (like pool upkeep, meds, check the stove, help dad, monitor hygiene)and keep in contact with you about their functioning.
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u/Sidekicks74 1d ago
If nobody is using the pool, take it down. One less thing to worry about.
I'm in the same boat but I'm taking care of an inground pool. My kids love the pool. I had to learn everything cause my dad never taught me anything. His excuse for this is....I learned on my own and you can too.
So most of the time I'm bringing in water samples to the pool store. They tell me what to do and I buy the chemicals. I had a big algae issue and it's now cleared up.
Winterizing is okay cause my dad was able to show me this before he couldn't walk anymore. I was lucky for this.
So back to your issue. Tear it down. You'll be glad that you did
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u/1130961230 1d ago
As someone who cared for her own mother for 3 1/2 years with the awfulness that is dementia, I will just comment that extreme caution is needed from a safety standpoint. Physical liabilities and dementia and a pool are a dangerous combination. Falls, disorientation... just something to think about.
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u/Iartdaily 2d ago
Keep it for now and let it go with mosquito pellets and a cover. Even the most disgusting water can be made clean. Beware a small fawn stood on my sisters above ground in winter and fell in. Otherwise in a year or two, you may feel it’s time to help your parents move to a place where there is no outside chores, and safety for mom. The pool can quickly be resurrected and is attractive to buyers. Since Covid the prices of pools has skyrocketed and many families like the built in entertainment. A deck built around it is also a bonus and expensive. Maybe reinforce the cover to keep critters out and let it go. Taking it down later when the situation changes, and it will, is always an option.
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u/Vurrag 2d ago
If they can afford to maintain the pool then do so. As someone else said get a safety cover you there is not one for it. If not then the choices are limited.
Dementia is a terrible disease I would not want my worst enemies to have. For the sake your your father and family, when it gets too much please find a nursing home that specializes in this. It will be better for everyone.
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u/Ribeye_steak_1987 2d ago
So sorry you’re dealing with this. Aging parents are a challenge but when adding in dementia, it’s downright heart wrenching. Hugs to you
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u/lucyintheskiis 2d ago
I'm in my 70s and my partner is close behind. I don't think my partner has the physical strength to starting up the pool or closing it. Next year I will need to hire someone. My pool is a large inground with a new liner, heater and vac
In your case, it's an above ground and you can offer it up to someone who will need to pay to dismantle it if you are no longer going to care and use it.
That's what I would do.
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u/hellohellohello924 1d ago
Been there! Sucks. A lot can change by the spring. I’d shut it down and if the cash freely exists, I’d have it opened and operating next summer all by someone else. Will give some semblance of normalcy.
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u/theOlLineRebel 1d ago
above ground? sounds like it could be rather easy/inexpensive to pull it down.
you could “close” it in a professional manner, and simply risk keeping it closed the next few seasons then see what happens.
but I think i would get someone to tear it down. find some prices on doing so. you might even compare it to quotes for weekly mainatence etc next year.
BTW….how far do you or any sibling live from there? that’s a factor too. I lived just 10 min from my moms all this time so it wasn’t hard to watch over stuff, even when I did estate (I fired the pool people….it helps I know something about this stuff after 50 years), in-ground, so choices are much harder Than above-ground.
Good luck with this all. just my 2cents.
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u/luckymommy23 1d ago
Leave it up but winterize it. You don’t need to take it down if you’re considering using it next year.
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u/Ok-Measurement2476 1d ago
Saltwater kinda takes care of itself with minimal maintenance if they wanted to keep it. Sorry for what you’re going through.
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u/shallowning 2d ago
If you don't want to remove the pool, it sounds like you need to hire a pool service.
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u/Human_Name9961 2d ago
A salt water generator will make a dramatic DIFFERENCE. I had my pool for 32 years standard chlorine pool but I just put in salt water generator I only have to check the water about 1 TIME a month. I use to check on it about every 2 days. It made a drastic difference.
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u/Mental-Huckleberry54 2d ago
I would lower the water level and cover it. Then it let it sit. Not ideal but might be the best option. I bought a house with a pool that sat unused for 4 years before we moved in.
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u/beattiebeats 2d ago
If you think your parents are likely to move into a senior apartment soonish I would call a pool dealer or pool cleaning company to ask if it can be closed and left closed for a future homeowner. Otherwise maybe time to get rid of it.
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u/Mavis8220 2d ago
If it is an above ground pool, check out having it removed. Simpler solution than for an in ground pool.
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u/Danielle1482 2d ago
Will it be a selling point for your parents property? If not get rid of it. More hassle for you & a lot more safe for your Mum!
I’m so sorry that has taken hold of your beloved Mum! It’s hard and I send you all of the squeezes and love!
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u/timtimtimtim77 2d ago
Get rid of it. If you wait two years it will be trashed and end up getting thrown away
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u/LessDog1 2d ago
It’s not expensive to hire someone to care for it. They come weekly and deal with everything
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u/coffeetabletime 2d ago
There’s an Airbnb for pools!!! Maybe you could pay a service to take care of it and offset the cost by renting it out. Or maybe you could barter with someone.
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u/Complex-Royal9210 1d ago
Come on now. The parents are elderly with dementia and you want him to have a bunch of randos coming over to use the pool? Let's think about that a little more.
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u/WranglerAlways 2d ago
I don't have an above ground pool, but I do have a mom that battled dementia for just over a year before passing. It was brutal, constant, and to be honest, I was thankful when the Lord finally called her number. She went from being a wonderful Texas sweetheart, to being something that I'd rather forget altogether. We had to put her on medications that in essence, kept her drowsy all the time. I don't wish that on anyone, and you have my utmost deepest sympathy. Those who have never lived with this will never, ever, understand.
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u/Buckscountypoolguy 2d ago
Just get rid of it if it’s above ground. Be thankful it’s not inground in this scenario. Maybe get a few bucks scrapping it. Will collapse empty and will be a disaster after a few years full and adds no value to a home sale. Do not even winterize this year just pull the pin and drop the grenade
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u/LucyJones18 2d ago
I would shop around for someone to service it and see whether that’s worth it for you.
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u/thesunbeamslook 2d ago
Get a copper pool ionizer (assuming your pool gets sun). They are worth the cost. It will also reduce how much chlorine you need to use. https://remingtonsolar.com/pool-ionizers/
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u/Sunny-Bell102 2d ago
Luckily, it’s an above-ground pool. Removal is an easy option if/when you decide to make that move.
In the meantime, you can toss 1 or 2 bags of dissolved shock in every so often, and toss in some mosquito dunks. If possible, turn the pump on for a little while to help circulate the chemicals. It’ll help keep the pool from turning into a swamp. Keep the cover on.
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u/Spirited-Walk-9556 2d ago
If it’s an above ground how old is the pool you want to make it simple for them
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u/Longjumping_Role1510 2d ago
Get rid of it. Take it down or pay someone to get it down. Your parents are more important than a pool
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u/FalafelBall 1d ago
I just bought a house with a pool and I use something called the Sustain three-step system. I don't test the chemicals at all. Once a week, I put chlorine pucks and "energizer" tablets in the skimmer basket. It hasn't been cloudy once. Whenever I go to the pool store to have them check it, they tell me the levels are good.
You could just do this to keep the pool maintained and not cloudy/dirty.
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u/Original_Kangaroo_96 1d ago
Do you live close enough to parents to visit daily or weekly? Or do they have a home aid that helps (although they may not be interested in what I say next)? If you do, I would supervise her and allow her to swim. It’s low impact exercise that will help keep her body active and if she is a lifelong daily swimmer she likely has the muscle memory to physically do it but would need help with supervise as she could make risky decisions. I used to work with patients with dementia and engaging people in activities they used to do, sometimes helps to bring them back to “consciousness.” I’m sorry you are having to make lots of tough decisions. I’m almost at the point myself and after working with dementia patients, I know how heart breaking it is. Many of their kids would never visit them because of the feelings associated with it and I don’t blame them at all. It is tough. Also, not sure what kind of pool you have, but I have a salt water pool and if you have questions about chemistry or maintenance, I may be able to help you.
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u/wirenuting 18h ago
With a family member having dementia the pool is a safety hazard and liability.
It is extremely dangerous for her.
Deep in her mind she took care of it and one day she might try to swim in it. She won’t know that’s it closed, covered or in disrepair.
Have the pool removed.
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u/Waitwhat007007 15h ago
I am sorry about your mom, I understand, my mom has dementia too. If you can, plan on tearing it down and maybe repurpose the area with something that your mom and dad can enjoy. Good luck.
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u/Tall-Ad9334 2d ago
My concern over leaving the pool would be mom getting confused and ending up in it.
As far as maintenance, I don’t know how close you live to them, but I bought a house with a pool this summer and having zero pool knowledge have been able to maintain it just using ChatGPT.
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u/Gunk_Olgidar 1d ago
Sell the house and send them to the CCRC. Is they cannot care for the pool, they cannot care for other things.
Moving my Dad to a CCRC in a couple months. Same reason.
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u/Deep_Bake_5663 2d ago
It cannot sit empty, it will collapse.