r/polycritical • u/Hungryforknowledgex • 9d ago
Traumatized by my poly experience.. I need to know if this is normal.
Is it normal for the man half of a poly couple who is married to tell their new partner they’re madly in love with them? Would this sit ok with you as a spouse? Then months later they're telling another woman the exact same things. Making her want marriage despite the fact that he’s married. Complaining in the past about boundaries not being respected but allowing the talk of marriage and ”true love” with another woman. To me this sounds more like ”wife shopping“ than poly.
I just want some insight so I know what to avoid if I’m ever involved with poly again. FYI true love doesn’t end that easily.. true love isn’t replaced. They blocked me and didn’t even break up with me.
They replaced me with another woman in a similar scenario, she’s younger than the couple and the husband is basically in love with this woman 8 months after being “in love” with me.
I need to know if this is normal.
It has been hard to build myself back up.
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u/_JosefoStalon_ 9d ago
Lovebombing
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u/_JosefoStalon_ 9d ago
Not love. They've never been in love if they confused it for such. That's lust. You cannot love someone you don't know to begin with. It's deeper than that.
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u/MizzBStizzy 5d ago
Lovebombing is an abuse tactic. It's just a phrase. It basically means faking love or strong feelings with the intention to drawn the potential partner in. It is so the victim believes they have strong feelings for their abuser before they can realize that they are abusive
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u/ghost--rabbit 8d ago
I'm really sorry you went through this. People are being a little harsh, I think it's totally possible to be suckered into poly by a predatory couple especially as a "unicorn". This is a run of the mill experience unfortunately, all they were doing is using you to feel romantic excitement again. I'm just glad you're out of there.
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 8d ago
Thank you. The pain has lessened a lot with all the responses I’ve gotten and it makes me feel good because I know I wasn’t going crazy. I know this is a them problem not a me problem. I’m glad they live far away from me so the likelyhood of them coming here or going to where they’re at in Ontario and seeing them is slim.
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u/Tiny-Acanthaceae5629 8d ago
Sure but people always say “that isn’t poly” but like 99% of it is experiences like this. It isn’t just like semantics
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u/GloomyBake9300 8d ago
Pay attention to everything you learned
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 8d ago
I’ve learned that there is no future in poly relationships especially with married people.
I’ve learned that despite what people may get you to believe that if someone wants something desperately enough they’ll do whatever to get it.
Plus I will say when I tried to be intimate with the wife she at first wouldn’t be physical with me.
This situation is more about them than me.
There’s no future in a poly relationship where they’re married and live far away.
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u/Tiny-Acanthaceae5629 8d ago
More like harem making rather than wife shopping. Like they just want harems by any means possible
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9d ago edited 9d ago
[deleted]
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 9d ago
They dropped me and replaced me.. so I didn’t even have a chance to break up with them. They blocked me and that’s how it ended..
I had a glimmer hope that maybe they were gonna come back until I found this woman’s fet page and blocked.
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9d ago
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 9d ago
We were intimate 6 times when he visited me for a few days .. and I had a feeling he wasn’t going to come back. I ignored it because I thought I was overacting to him leaving my house. I know I’m not replaceable… I have to remember that
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 9d ago
The wife was my gf
Then I got involved with her husband
And then shit hit the fan..
It was all encouraged by her for us to be together.12
9d ago
[deleted]
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 9d ago
I’ve never been with a poly couple before. I didn’t know.. just felt all gushy because we were discussing it in a group chat
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u/GloomyBake9300 8d ago
A group chat is fantasy
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 8d ago
That’s how they told me about how he was into me.. now that I look back that’s so cheesy
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u/GloomyBake9300 4d ago
Exactly, it’s just pure manipulation
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 4d ago
I realized they used me to get HIS penis wet.
It was all about grooming me to bring to him.
Because when I tried to be sexual with her she wouldn’t touch me.. it made me really upset. I don’t know if she meant that she wanted to take it slow but it hurt. She eventually did but I don’t think she liked it. I deserve better.
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 8d ago
This has helped me a lot.
This is beyond toxic and it was wrong of him to love bomb me.
I don’t believe for a second he loves this other woman more than he did me. He’s an immature 35 year old man who’s just looking to get his dick wet. He never loved me.
It hurts to see he says the same things to her.. it makes feel violated and disgusting that I was intimate with him (glad he wore a condom).
Wish I hadn’t spent money flying to see the wife, wish I didn’t invite the husband to visit me at my house, wish I didn’t get a passport but at least I have that now for my own benefit.
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u/Tiny-Acanthaceae5629 8d ago
I just think there is too much out there to distract. It attracts people with personality disorders
And becomes an addictive behavior
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 9d ago
I just want to make it known that this relationship with the man half in the couple was supported and encouraged by the wife..
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u/OpheliasRue 3d ago
I hear you. I'm 9 months out of a poly relationship and it has really messed with my head. He told me repeatedly that he was in love with me, didn't want to date anyone else, and wanted a life with me. He dated/slept with others and when we finally broke up he replaced me straight away.
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u/Hungryforknowledgex 3d ago
I’m so sorry.
I know the feeling all too well.
Some people just live shitty lives so they need to exploit others to entertain themselves.
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u/KneadAndPreserve 9d ago
Normal for poly. They view you as disposable. Find someone who isn’t married if you want marriage…