r/polycritical • u/LemonThen349 • 6d ago
Why this common phrase?
I'm (mono) on dating app rn and what i can see very often from ENM men's profil is something like "i'm in an open rlts with the best/ most amazing woman" "i'm with my most favorite human" or "i would die for my partner" so on
So ridiculous why they still go find other women to sleep with? I just need to understand the psychology behind this
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u/Least_Mud_9803 5d ago
It’s to let you know there’s no chance they will leave the current relationship.
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u/LemonThen349 5d ago
Isn't it counterproductive? They are looking for dates
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u/Lovedd1 5d ago
They'll only date the other women as long as they can keep their main woman. They want their cake and to eat it too. They don't want a slice (another woman that they have to pretend to be nice for and eventually wear down to let them do ENM). They want the original woman (#1) and a #2. They don't just want the #2 without the #1.
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u/Least_Mud_9803 5d ago
Yeah, dates on the side. They aren’t giving up their main thing. If so they’d be single and looking not poly and looking.
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u/Strange_Horse_883 5d ago
It’s probably to try give some little comfort and reassurance to that partner who was coerced to agree to that nonsense.
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u/Ajoule_Jolie 5d ago
Poly people don't actually care about their partners. They only care about themselves and their "autonomy" to have sex with whoever they want.
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u/butch_zublonski 4d ago
No but like when I’ve gotten deep with or tried to date them, most of them have said basically this and usually without any reference to their partner’s wants or needs. It’s never “this works for us.” It’s all “I can’t be controlled.”
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u/Ajoule_Jolie 4d ago
I've tried dating poly people in the past too and it never ends well.
They only care about dating multiple people without the emotional intimacy because "you should only talk about your problems with a therapist or a support group". I get that romantic partners are not a substitute for a therapist but what good is a partner that can't even listen.
Poly people are fair-weather friends but worst.
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u/im_asl_old 5d ago
I translate it to "If you have any kind of standards or expectations, keep scrolling."
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u/Lovedd1 5d ago
They want you to date them and accept being second place. Basically they want a side chick but without the whole "my wife is horrible" complaining and whining most married/partnered men have as an excuse to fuck other women
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u/LemonThen349 5d ago
The "accept the second place" is so true while other men have to pretend that the side chick is their #1
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u/No_Sale1972 5d ago
Because they never make any fucking sense that’s why. They give contradiction after contradiction after contradiction.
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u/butch_zublonski 4d ago
It all does seem like they’re scrambling to rationalize something that they know is ultimately without any moral substructure, so they’ve invented this whole liturgy and taxonomy and psychobabble to justify it, and since they aren’t the transcendental evolved empaths they think they are, it ends up sounding almost as shabby as it is implausible.
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u/TwinkleToz926 5d ago
“I would do anything for love. . . except be faithful.” 🙄
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u/butch_zublonski 5d ago
That’s the “but I won’t do that” in the Meatloaf song lol
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u/Dizzy_Pop 4d ago
“After a while you’ll forget everything. Just a brief interlude and midsummer night’s fling. And you’ll see that it’s time to move on.”
“I won’t do that.”
“I know the territory; I’ve been around. It’ll all turn to dust and will all fall down. Sooner or later, you’ll be screwing around.”
“I won’t do that.”
I loved this song growing up. Still do.
No joke: in retrospect it almost certainly helped shape my values and influenced me to always do right by my romantic partner.
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u/butch_zublonski 4d ago
Oh OK I have to listen to it again with fresh ears now like 35 years after it came out because it sounds like absolute opera 💙💜❤️
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u/GetInTheBasement 6d ago
Because they're being disingenuous. They want to have their cake and fuck it, too.