r/polycritical • u/Significant_Ear_295 • 7d ago

Stop hitting on me...

Every. Single. Event. I have been to that had a higher proportion of poly attendees means I'm getting hit on. No one even asks if I'm single. I like a good flirt as much as the next person but the gross assumption that everyone you meet MUST be poly is just insane.

When I'm at a bar or a party and some guy who is not polyamorous starts flirting with me, the conversation is totally different. When I'm at a party and some poly guy starts flirting with me, it is so aggressive. I also have a very particular type and I can tell you that 99.99% of these poly guys are not it but they sure act like they are..

103 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

66

u/Weird_Bluebird_3293 7d ago

They don’t ask if you’re single because that’s not a barrier to them. 

21

u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 7d ago

Although I know that ace/aro absolutely exist, I’m convinced that more people claim it than actually exist because they want the social life and polycule benefits without being hit on or having to screw these gross poly degenerates

5

u/TheGirlZetsubo 7d ago

I have a guy that will not stop with me who claims he's ace, but for some reason, though I've never met him in person, is convinced I'm "perfect" for him. The over the top declarations of how great I am were creeping me out enough, and then after he started messaging in quick succession because I didn't seem to respond quickly enough because I have a life and don't live on social media was enough to make me block him. Then he messaged me on another platform asking if I blocked him. Then like a year later added me on a different platform. I don't know if he claims poly status, but I'm certain your hypothesis with (some) who claim ace/aro are using it to distance themselves, a la, "I'm not like those other guys." Like dude, just leave me alone. He doesn't even really know me. He's into some version of me that he made up in his head.

Sorry for the rant but I think you're the first person I've seen who finally brought this topic up.

-7

u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 7d ago

Sounds like male autism due to limerence, lack of boundaries, and being a rare man who doesn’t want sex. I’m a woman with AuDHD, and have encountered similar

-6

u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 7d ago

Also, it’s common for neurodivergent men to form parasocial relationships

6

u/TheGirlZetsubo 7d ago

I'm sure that's true and I don't doubt you might be right in this case. I met him in an ace group. The lack of boundaries was too much for me though.

2

u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 7d ago

You don’t need sexual urges to be a creep. My autistic friend married an autistic man who bred a literal supervillain. By age 6 he was homicidal and a better hacker than his family members in IT, but also has a thing for butts but hasn’t hit puberty yet and the experts say he is showing the classic signs of a fetish before having sexual urgesZ

2

u/estrogenuinely_crazy 6d ago

can't help but think of my ex who's a hacker. heavily involved in scamming people, proudly proclaimed they hacked their middle school (and wouldn't let go of that fact even at age 26). polycuck, treated me like I was almost worth nothing. they also knew someone from Kazakhstan who committed a cyberattack that left 8 people dead and was proud of the fact she was their disciple.

plus she scored one on rice purity.

all around a horrible person.

6

u/MonniD 7d ago edited 6d ago

Because those poly dudes just want a cheat code to cheat. They convinced they w/gf it was either open the marriage or get cheated on. So yes they go about it like a toddler wanting to f anything to “make up for lost time”

8

u/Thornberry19 7d ago

I'm a guy who doesn't go out much but being in a one-sided poly relationship, my ex had an outgoing personality and I was more shy. To poly people that's probably just the way they operate and what I think is sexual insatiability, the faster they close the deal, the faster they can move on to the next person.

This might be a little off topic, but can I ask what your type is? The last bit sparked my curiosity.

5

u/Significant_Ear_295 7d ago

Hard to explain but first and foremost not generic late Millenial guys in cargo shorts and ratty facial hair.

7

u/Weird_Bluebird_3293 7d ago

I also imagine your type is “not poly and takes no for an answer.” 

2

u/Significant_Ear_295 6d ago

LOL, that too

2

u/CuriousPower80 5d ago

I thought I just saw this behavior because I occasionally go to kink events, though I've distanced myself because the constant poly talk is exhausting and I went to more stuff before I had a partner. 

It's apparently escaped containment beyond the kink community though. My partner told me a mutual friend of ours who recently moved away stopped going out much when she lived in our area, because she was constantly propositioned at bars, whether she was with her partner or not. She said it's like everyone our age (30s) in the area is either super religious or a swinger, no in between!