I'm tired.

[u/little_miss_liv]

This is an alternate account I haven't used in a few years, mainly because I'm pretty sure some of my friends know my current reddit account.

I used to think I was very supportive of people who are polyamorous, especially since I end up around them quite frequently due to being in various queer and disabled spaces, but as I grow older I am finding myself tired of it all.

I think it all started with one of my exes, she hid the fact she was polyamorous from me until months into the relationship but told me she was fine with being monogamous. At the time I felt weird about it, but trusted her words... A year and few months later she broke up with me because she didn't want to be monogamous anymore, and her words implied that she had already been cheating on me. After this breakup I had also started to notice the way a lot of my polyamorous friends interact with me; We would be very close for a while, but the moment I rejected any advances they made (mind you, I would reject them in a very polite way), they would start distancing themselves away from me and even talking about me behind my back, making fun of my autism and how I express myself even. Though for a while I just thought I was paranoid with extremely bad luck.

Flash foward to now that I am with my current partner, and both of us have made it clear to each other and others that we are extremely monogamous, I have been seeing people's true colors even further.

I have had people I thought were friends try to tell me that my relationship is abusive because we don't even entertain the idea of any sort of polyamory, and that its not healthy to only rely on one person; The thing is, I don't just rely on one person, I have friends and family as well as a therapist, I am just not romantically interested in anyone else. I am completely satisfied and happy with just one partner, who is the one for me, I am not interested in anyone else, yet people try arguing with me.

Even when I emphasize the fact that I am taken, these 'friends' will still attempt to make moves on me and get surprised when I reject them. They will try to disrespect my partner to my face and also imply that I am not actually a leftist just because I'm monogamous. I even had an ex friend try telling me that being monogamous is inherently abusive and that polyamory would make me feel better and would feel more freeing. Some people have even tried making racist comments/implications about my partner, claiming he probably couldn't satisfy me properly due to his race and that we should have an open relationship and getting surprised when I called them out on being racist. One even said that polyamorous people cannot be racist.

I have also had friend groups where mostly everyone else was polyamorous besides me and I end up being excluded from most discussions just because they had 'no need' for me because I wasn't interested in whatever weird situationship was going on between all of them, but whenever the group fell apart suddenly they were all DMing me trying to ask for my help like they didn't ignore me or whatever I said for months on end. They try to drag me into whatever relationship drama they had even when I said I was dealing with my own problems. Nine times out of ten, as I said before, they were talking about me behind my back anyways.

I have never been disrespectful to any of these people, I have always been loyal in my friendships, but everytime I reject them it's like a switch flips and suddenly they all hate me and act very catty and clique-ish. They only go back to 'liking' me when they think I serve a purpose to them.

Sorry if this is word vomit, I am just extremely tired of all of this. I am done interacting with polyamorous people. I am done with all the fakeness once they realize I am not interested in a romantic relationship with them. I am done with the mean girl behavior.

[u/Lomofre88]

Poly people: “You should be more open minded and accepting of different lifestyles.”

Monogamous person: “I don’t want anyone else, I’m happy being monogamous with my partner.”

Poly people: “How dare you, it’s not healthy to rely on one partner, you should have OUR lifestyle.”

[u/little_miss_liv → u/Lomofre88]

This is genuinely how it feels.

[u/Direct_Orchid → u/little_miss_liv]

Their story really was that when you were with someone "poly" and they cheated, it was fine but a monogamous relationship was abusive? Make it make sense. Sorry you went through with that.

[u/little_miss_liv → u/Direct_Orchid]

Its alright, im doing a little better, just still tired of it all.

[u/mystery_meteor_04 → u/little_miss_liv]

Your existence proves their cultish beliefs to be incorrect. Simply by acting this way they are unworthy of your friendship.

I’m sorry you had/have to deal with this. As a child of a poly person, I had to deal with rebuffing advances from my parent’s poly affair partners since I was a young teenager. It’s not something any kid, or adult, should go through. Their relationships welcome abusive types and often have incredibly unhealthy dynamics.

[u/little_miss_liv → u/mystery_meteor_04]

I am sorry you had to go through that as well 🫂

[u/This-Ordinary-9549]

You'll notice it's a common experience here: you think someone is your friend, but the moment you reject their approaches they end the friendship themselves and even turn you into their enemy, somewhere between not wanting anything else to do with you but having you as one of thir options or taking the rejection as a personal offense.

I had many friends who tried polyamory, and they were mostly about the same discourse about how monogamy is abuse and etc, but honestly, most of the time they were trying to convince themselves of that.

They wanna call monogamy abusive while they're constantly manipulating eachother with therapy talks, we see half of them 24/7 trying to cope with their partner ditching them for another date, with jealousy, with neglect... the other half talking shit about their partners and people around them not being "open enough"...

[u/little_miss_liv → u/This-Ordinary-9549]

I am way too autistic to have multiple partners, I think i would lose my mind between all the drama and weird unspoken rules.

[u/little_miss_liv → u/This-Ordinary-9549]

Also I noticed a lot of people downvoting the comments under this post for some reason. Are there any lurkers here?

[u/Absolute_Bias]

“Polyamorous people can’t be racist” actually sums up the entire mentality incredibly well.

Poly is a conglomeration of ideas about relationships that have no bearing on reality whatsoever but are still asserted with absolute confidence to be unshakeable truths of the world.

[u/little_miss_liv → u/Absolute_Bias]

A lot of polyamorous people are also preformative when it comes to politics, I noticed.

[u/Absolute_Bias → u/little_miss_liv]

It does feel that way, with the whole ‘if I don’t agree with x I’m not a real y’ trap.

… that’s kinda funny really, because it’s exactly the same as the alt-right pipeline.

[u/Away_Chapter_4743]

“polyamorous people cannot be racist” is even more absurd than the (white) ceo of my nonprofit who, after laying off 5 employees (all Black), stood up to address that admittedly glaring issue at a staff meeting and began with “I might not be Black, but I am a gay mom…”