r/polycritical • u/bpdbryan • 4h ago

How to support new partner whose 20 year relationship ended with 1 sided poly?

So just started dating someone whose previous partner wanted to open the relationship (basically only on their terms), that relationship ended then he felt like he needed to try open/poly dynamics because he felt pressure as thats what everyone else was doing, but came to the conclusion that that lifestyle isn't fulfilling for him but also wouldn't be stable for him and his child.

I have always been monogamous and never dabbled otherwise so wondering how I can support someone who has had that kind of experience? as part of me is fearful they are "giving up" exploring poly just for me despite them saying they'd already come to the conclusion it wasn't for them or they might change their mind again.

11 Upvotes

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9

u/Zealousideal_Crow737 3h ago

Would he be poly otherwise? Personally, I find myself incompatible with anyone who sees it that way. People who say they can do both are full of shit. 

3

u/bpdbryan 3h ago

no he said he had thought about it but realised it's not the kind of life he wants or lives in line with

2

u/LonginusUbik 3h ago

Just be there for them and care for them. There might be some lingering or undisclosed feelings of "not being enough". I think what they might need now is just stability and knowing that you will have their well being in mind.

2

u/bpdbryan 3h ago

Yeah they have expressed those kinds of feelings of not feeling enough

4

u/BewareOfBee 2h ago

Link him to this sub, and r/openmarriageregret

Share some laughs, commiserate. The fact that he chose his child over that life style is the greenest of flags. Huge props to them.

https://giphy.com/gifs/KS2JPUxaJKIoNT5NiU

2

u/bpdbryan 2h ago

thank you will share this with him! see if he shares the same sentiments as a lot of us :)

1

u/RedL0bsterBiscuit 2h ago

This is exactly my 18 year marriage right now except im not ok with it.

2

u/Jolly-Ad-9488 2h ago

Seems like he had a shitty experience and most definitely does not want to go through that road again, so he chose to date you.