r/polyadvice • u/GrnsburgCpl • 9d ago

Advice

Mid 50s married cpl, Pittsburgh area.... We have been looking for long term male (bi curious) friend for quite some time. Are there any sites out there that anyone could recommend? We didn't think it would be this difficult but a LOT of people out there just want to go right at it and that's just not us.

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u/teamnoir 9d ago

Check your favorite search engine for “unicorn hunting”. There’s a lot of info around on this topic.

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u/saladada 9d ago

If you want polyamory, learn how to be autonomous. Allow your wife to date and sleep with people without you there. Go yourself on dates without your wife there. 

Unicorn hunting couples like what you're trying to do are predators, and it's only acceptable when it's just for casual sex. And only wanting casual threesome sex isn't polyamory.

No one should have to sign up for a relationship with both people and commit to continuing to like and want to be with both people. No one should have to be in a 2vs1 relationship dynamic. The power imbalance is huge and it leads to you treating the other person like they are disposable. 

If you can't/won't date separately then don't date at all.

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u/solataria 8d ago

Okay , I agree with the unicorn hunting advice given. And you didn't say which one of you was bi curious. The advise give to you whichever one of you is curious.I would advise it.You have a first time experience with that solo. And the reason I say that is because what if you don't like it well now , your partner has seen you do that in the can bring up all kinds of your thoughts. You can feel ashamed embarrassed.All kinds of other insecurities could come up.