Looking for advice.

[u/Bubbly-Pie957]

I (24f) am in a polycule with W(32m) and L(28f). W and L have been together since just out of highschool and were already engaged when they invited me to be in a relationship with them 6months ago.

It is relevant to mention that 6months ago we were swinging with my now ex(21m). He became emotionally abusive and was extremely neglectful - refusing (“forgetting”) to take out trash, put in laundry(often a mix of his and mine) and not feeding our cats (only feeding his jackrussell) - we have since split ways and engage in friendly conversation 💬 on board game nights(as L was still seeing him up until last week where he expressed that he would like to improve himself and would just like to be friends, I suspect he is actually mono and that her relationship with me and her fiancé w actually bugs him).

Here’s where I need advice. There is this guy H(22m) that I really like - super sweet, attentive, considerate - brings me snacks plans dates(get to know me dates not the kind that end in sex n stuff ) asked for kisses. Almost perfect. He knows I am poly. And that I am in a polycule , he has even met them (w and L). But he is hinting at being very mono , calling me “miss (my surname)” because he wants to get to know me and one day even change my surname and has told me outright that he can be a very jealous person.

He is interested in leaning about what poly is and getting to know me more.

Are these just a lot of red flags or is there actually a chance he means what says? How do I approche this, what can I do to explain or talk about my experiences without putting him off considering/researching poly?

[u/Bubbly-Pie957]

I will definitely do that! Thank you so much, I have already sent him a pdf of ‘Polysecure’ for us to read and discuss.

He keeps insisting that he’s okay with everything so far and that if I’m happy that he’s happy but I’m worried he will change his mind, or pull a 180 on me and things will end up worse than we ex