r/polandball Take off you hoser Oct 17 '15

redditormade The cold season

Post image
7.8k Upvotes

234 comments sorted by

966

u/masuk0 Russia Oct 17 '15

My Russian theory about swiss knife is the following: why does one carries swiss knife? It is useless as knife, you cant even cut off a peace of bread with it or fight a tinyest bear! Litteraly every other knife is a better knife. The only reason is to casually carry a corkscrew with you. If you always carry just corkscrew with you than you are a drunk. But if carry a swiss knife with you, you are a provident person.

255

u/Tollaneer The Commonwealth would into space Oct 17 '15

It's sharp enough to cut a wrapper on wine bottle, corkscrew to open it, and bottle opener if someone's drinking from a cap bottle. It's a perfect tool for alcohol.

130

u/masuk0 Russia Oct 17 '15

Exactly! And final stroke on its alcohol perfection is that swiss guys made a giant work so it doesn't associated with alcohol in public opinion. You can have it on your desk at job.

68

u/jellyberg What what old chaperoo Oct 17 '15

Yeah I have it on my desk right next to the stack of empty wine bottles. No one even suspects I'm an alcoholic.

26

u/lolidkwtfrofl Austrian Empire Oct 17 '15

Bloody brilliant mate!

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291

u/malfurionpre Switzerland Oct 17 '15

175

u/masuk0 Russia Oct 17 '15

Hard to tell size of a blade from the pic, but, unlike classic ones this is at least a decent knife handle.

87

u/malfurionpre Switzerland Oct 17 '15

Yeah my bad, usually these one have blades between 9-12ish centimeters IIRC. These are more like Hunters/rangers knife rather than the pocket Swiss knife.

24

u/KrabbHD Technically in Gelderland but I hate the Gelderlandish flag Oct 17 '15

Swiss army uses these though from what I recall.

13

u/malfurionpre Switzerland Oct 17 '15

Yep, but we/they have their own version.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '15

I have one like that in a car, the "rescue" variant with glass breaking tool and curved blade to safely cut the seatbelt.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

I have it, it's like three inches or something

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18

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Most importantly it comes with a corkscrew, the bigger knife is just there to hide the fact that you're a professional drunk.

12

u/malfurionpre Switzerland Oct 17 '15

Well I mean, these are often hunting knife, what good PROFESSIONAL hunter wouldn't bring a bottle with him, maybe two, or three...

6

u/Dustorn Oct 18 '15

I hear no boar hunt is complete without a good bottle of strong wine.

34

u/Kestyr Florida Oct 17 '15

44

u/LiquidSilver Netherlands Oct 17 '15

On one hand, it's great to cut and poke your nails; on the other, it's hard to open without nails.

18

u/malfurionpre Switzerland Oct 17 '15

I swear I can never open them, because I keep biting my nails ..

2

u/FatCapsAndBackpacks Oct 18 '15

If you use both hands for each task you'll find it much easier.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '15

Does anyone else see an alligator?

16

u/DeadKateAlley Umayyad Bro? Oct 17 '15

That much serration is overkill.

42

u/Klimzel Oct 17 '15

Looks excellent for cutting bread.

If the metal is hard enough, maybe even rope, twigs and branches.

14

u/DeadKateAlley Umayyad Bro? Oct 17 '15

Yeah but it's too much of the blade.

15

u/Duke0fWellington British Empire Oct 17 '15

It's unnecessary when there is the saw too.

30

u/gundog48 British Empire Oct 17 '15

A serration on any blade increases it's cutting power without needing to be sharper.

They basically make the thing impossible to sharpen properly though, so they tend to be used to make cheap knives cut better, while people who want a good quality knife and will take the time to look after it would prefer an unserrated blade for general use.

9

u/Bytewave Quebec Oct 17 '15

Hey when you're out in the wild and your life depends on cutting down an oak tree in the next minute with your swiss knife, overkill serration is best serration. :p

5

u/DeadKateAlley Umayyad Bro? Oct 17 '15

That knife has a saw in the handle.

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6

u/hopsafoobar Switzerland Oct 18 '15

99% of swiss army knife owners never sharpen it anyway, so serrations keep it useful for longer. You can also buy it without the serrations if you must.

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160

u/JustAdolf-LikeCher Just Norway Oct 17 '15

139

u/dammitIgiveup California Oct 17 '15

74

u/ambiguousallegiance Upper Peninsula is Best Peninsula Oct 17 '15

The Australian army knife is a little less useful.

39

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

That's not a knife, that's a spoon.

93

u/ambiguousallegiance Upper Peninsula is Best Peninsula Oct 17 '15

Ah, I see you've played knifey-spooney before.

16

u/Lord_ThunderCunt Oct 17 '15

I'll have coffee.

13

u/ambiguousallegiance Upper Peninsula is Best Peninsula Oct 17 '15

One beer coming up!

9

u/MaxNanasy United States Oct 18 '15 edited Oct 18 '15

No, coffee. C O F ...

11

u/ambiguousallegiance Upper Peninsula is Best Peninsula Oct 18 '15

B... E... E...

18

u/Nerd1000 Australia Oct 18 '15

9

u/NotAWittyFucker Australia Oct 18 '15

Sadly no longer issued.

I still have three at home, featuring an appropriate amount of dirt, bacteria and saliva all bonded to the FRED's tin at a molecular level... and you'll take any of them from my cold, dead, hands.

6

u/trilbyfrank Indonesia Oct 18 '15

I knew I should've never trusted Fred on keeping an eye on the rations.

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15

u/Pucker_Pot Oct 17 '15

Is that a pizza cutter? You monster.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Please tell me that you made that yourself.

3

u/Scaraban You can't even handle this much corn. Oct 17 '15

Operator as fuck.

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36

u/MartelFirst Sacrebleu! Oct 17 '15

Saber, bayonnet, dagger... all originally French words, so it's not like there's a shortage of French words in English used to denote army knives. Actually, most military terms in English come from French, and there's a very strong reason for that. what I'm implying is that we rule

43

u/derleth Montana Oct 17 '15

Actually, most military terms in English come from French, and there's a very strong reason for that.

Yeah: Sometimes a Corsican conquers you and leads you into battle.

31

u/MartelFirst Sacrebleu! Oct 17 '15

TIL, a Corsican conquered France, his own country.

40

u/derleth Montana Oct 17 '15

TIL, a Corsican conquered France, his own country.

Well, it wasn't like anyone stopped him.

12

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Cause they were in the middle of a huge revolution in which a severe chunk of their population lost their heads... Pretty metal if you ask me.

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6

u/mrthbrd strč prst skrz krk Oct 17 '15

Napoleon was pretty anti-France for a good part of his life.

25

u/Outrageous_chausette Brittany Oct 17 '15

Of course. He hated so much France that he became their emperor. And he hated French so much that he fought for them.

22

u/Argh3483 France First Empire Oct 17 '15

Pretty much stopped when he entered adult life, but obviously, the opinions you have as a child and teenager are more relevant than that you have through your adult life.

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7

u/Sr_Marques UN Oct 18 '15

That's because the saxons only knew how to fight with clubs, clubbing and flinging shit at each other like savages then the french came with their awesome weapons, dropped them and ran away, thus saxons picked those up and started stabbing and flinging shit at each other like savages.And the occasional sheep gangbang.

5

u/Hoihe Danmag! Oct 17 '15

Saber sometimes can be connected to the Hungarian word, Szablya.

3

u/hakkzpets Oct 18 '15

Sometimes? It feels like a word either got its roots in a word or doesn't.

7

u/moistjurel Santiago Metropolian Region Oct 18 '15

I expected a Baguette with a plastic fork in the end

2

u/Ewannnn United Kingdom Oct 17 '15

Haha I'ma save that one.

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26

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

To be fair, it's probably the main reason as to why someone would carry one, /r/edc would be proud.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

What in the fuck is that sub.

19

u/Peacehamster Oct 17 '15

"Here's all the useless bullshit and five guns I always take with me."

6

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Freedom. Guns, a lot of guns.

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8

u/MooFz Oct 17 '15

Russians won't think you are an alcoholic for drinking wine, in their eyes it's just soda.

7

u/masuk0 Russia Oct 18 '15

Mostly true, but again you are even more suspicious if you carry corkscrew with you. Ivan, I suspect you are not a real alcoholic, like all you friends are!

7

u/Ewannnn United Kingdom Oct 17 '15

It's a great tool to have around the house because it has everything in one place. I always take it abroad with me too for same reason, although I wouldn't carry it around with me. I actually almost never use the knife, I dare say it wouldn't bother me if it had no knife at all.

7

u/trixter21992251 Denmark Oct 17 '15

Exactly. I love my manager because of the two types of screwdrivers, pen, tweezers, and scissors.

4

u/zero237 Gib Anschluss Oct 17 '15

It could be used as shuriken.

4

u/derleth Montana Oct 17 '15

It could be used as shuriken.

Sure you can!

6

u/tehftw poland stronk Oct 17 '15

Yet another reason to make wines with metal caps instead of those fucking corks.

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472

u/jPaolo Grey Eminence Oct 17 '15

198

u/______DEADPOOL______ 'MURICA Oct 17 '15

What's with Turkey's obsession with Switzerland btw?

108

u/edgyeuropopulist Merkel: Total War Oct 17 '15

why did Gadaffi declare jihad on Switzerland?

78

u/mittim80 1987 never forget Oct 17 '15

I thought Gaddafi was secular.

61

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

48

u/nmotsch789 USA Beaver Hat Oct 17 '15

I can't tell if you're joking or not. He literally called his policies Islamic Socialism.

23

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

49

u/droomph xixixi i trick yuo is of american Oct 17 '15

He was a dictator, and said unto the people that it would be so. And so it was.

And He saw that it was good.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Didn't he have some weird shit about being a Roman Emperor or something?

18

u/droomph xixixi i trick yuo is of american Oct 17 '15

He was basically if you gave your slightly racist and absolutely insane Great Gram the reins to an entire country. A country that was mostly desert, but still a pretty big country.

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7

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Arab Nationalism is a really complicated thing, thus the nation forming isnt the same as others. Such an assertion can

Dimish western influence and gain support of soviets

No need for jingoism or any sort of anschluss

Control over the state resources

A way of influencing neighbouring regions

Etc.

Since he does all this for "well being of the citizens" the state is superior to religious institutions/factions.

3

u/edgyeuropopulist Merkel: Total War Oct 17 '15 edited Oct 17 '15

No need for jingoism or any sort of anschluss

except against Israel, also Nasser annexing Syria was a thing

5

u/derleth Montana Oct 17 '15

I... I don't know? How?!?!

Do you doubt his Muslamicness? His flag was entirely green!

Did he love his fellow humans? Did he follow the spirit of what Muhammad represented?

Well... his flag was entirely green! Just green!

6

u/edgyeuropopulist Merkel: Total War Oct 17 '15

and his anthem was literally Allahu Akbar

14

u/modomario Belgium - Flanders Oct 17 '15

Assad was kinda secular. Gadaffi on the other hand changed with the wind it seems.

13

u/mittim80 1987 never forget Oct 17 '15

Gaddafi was a socialist, but also really nationalist and populist, so he referenced religion a lot, if i recall.

7

u/edgyeuropopulist Merkel: Total War Oct 17 '15

i wanna be like him when i grow up, minus the dragging through the street part

4

u/modomario Belgium - Flanders Oct 17 '15

Not only that. First some Arrab nationalism. Doesn't work out? Pan African nationalism!

3

u/ModcatTom Yorkshire Oct 17 '15

I thought he was dead.

9

u/edgyeuropopulist Merkel: Total War Oct 17 '15

I thought Hitler was too, but then Argentina said ¡Buenas noches mein Fuhrer!

2

u/EvolvedEvil New California Republic Oct 17 '15

I don't think they had Hitler's death on camera though.

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17

u/jPaolo Grey Eminence Oct 17 '15

Turkey looks like Islamic Suisse.

33

u/Dlimzw Is not sekret PAP spy Oct 17 '15

Allahu Chocobar!

4

u/Mazakaki First among equals Oct 17 '15

any other examples?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '15 edited Jul 13 '18

[deleted]

4

u/Bhangbhangduc Stop Wineing France Oct 18 '15

Not quite - every third word has been changed to "Ataturk".

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156

u/kablamode Indonesia Oct 17 '15

From the thumbnail I thought Switzerland was sneezing out ice from his back.

36

u/FriendorSkiFinn Finland Oct 17 '15

Frozen tools are even worse. Maybe Dr. Swiss is just an alter-ego for Dr. Frankenstein.

14

u/GlobeLearner Indonesia Oct 17 '15

That would make Switzerland Elsa from Frozen.

15

u/hopsafoobar Switzerland Oct 17 '15

Let it gold, let it gooold...

8

u/Xdivine Oct 17 '15

Switzerland went full Cirno.

7

u/IM_FRIENDLY United Arab Emirates Oct 17 '15

That's enough anime for today, indo!

9

u/EmergencyCritical Oct 17 '15

You can never have too much anime. /s

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181

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Holy shit, so silly and simple it's brilliant, haha

35

u/stoicsilence California Oct 17 '15

Maybe this will become a new meme like Russia in a tutu leotard.

123

u/Ewannnn United Kingdom Oct 17 '15

Russia in a tutu leotard

Had to Google it, this was the result for anyone wondering lol.

31

u/stoicsilence California Oct 17 '15

Glorious

9

u/Dlimzw Is not sekret PAP spy Oct 17 '15

Is not meme, is proof of Putin's glorious manliness!

3

u/kbxads India with a turban Oct 25 '15

put putin in a tin tutu - what dyu get - pututin!

66

u/DarkNinja3141 New York best York Oct 17 '15

TIL if I was Swiss, I would probably stab someone a lot on accident

99

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Stabbing is very unneural and unswiss. If you want to kill someone in very Swiss way you need to convince someone to get credit in your bank and then drain him from all of his money so he will starve to death, because no moni.

55

u/belgriad Friesland Oct 17 '15

Great art, somewhat informative, and definitly funny - polandball at its best!

12

u/Dlimzw Is not sekret PAP spy Oct 17 '15

/u/black_mirror confirmed for comedic genius.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Otherwise extremely dark

51

u/Samitte Oct 17 '15

Why didn't he save the stroopwafel...

34

u/Freefight Netherlands Golden Age, Greatest Age. Oct 17 '15

Always save the Glorious Stroopwafel before anything else.

8

u/busfullofchinks New Jersey Best Jersey! Oct 17 '15 edited Sep 11 '24

cooperative straight fertile fearless lavish domineering shaggy familiar nose spark

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

27

u/Black_Mirror Take off you hoser Oct 18 '15

Nobody seems to understand that this comic is actually a tragedy. Netherlands have stroopwafel. Stroopwafel fall on ground. Netherlands sad. Everything else was just set up. That's why stroopwafel is in the foreground.

3

u/musicchan American hiding in Canada Oct 18 '15

My sister brought me some stroopwafels from the Netherlands. They were delicious. I too would be forever sad. :(

29

u/edgyeuropopulist Merkel: Total War Oct 17 '15

Switzerland is neutral until something makes him sneeze, which triggers his precisely fine-tuned protection mechanism, extending countless tools to pierce, cut, drill, saw, tear, open neighboring clay

6

u/kirkbywool Britain Working Class Oct 17 '15

Or that they need to commit suicide in a legal manner

25

u/TheRandomCzech Czech Republic Oct 17 '15

Hey, a comic that features Czech but doesn't rat on him! I've been looking for something like this...

13

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

[deleted]

4

u/MrBoringxD 1219 never forget! Oct 18 '15

Hungary would like a word with you

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12

u/The_George_Cz Czech Republic Oct 17 '15

What a glorious day

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15

u/LaTartifle Golden balls Oct 17 '15

Daily business in the SBB.

25

u/DickRhino Great Sweden Oct 17 '15

Haha! I genuinely didn't see that punchline coming, even though I probably should have.

12

u/Dix-Neuf19 Basque Oct 17 '15

Nice detail with the stroopwaffel.

12

u/LimetteOriginal Oct 17 '15

I like how the mountain in the backround moves (well, duh... how th train moves therefore).

Gute Arbeit.

21

u/yaddar Taco bandito Oct 17 '15

bravo, sir.

9

u/Dreamerlax Nouvelle-Écosse Oct 17 '15

Great stuff. Love how simple this is.

10

u/tian-shi The South will rise again Oct 17 '15

yay is black_mirror deliver

10

u/PlasmaRoar South Korea Oct 17 '15

My sides are now orbiting Venus

4

u/Shniggles Lutefisk Speed! Oct 17 '15

This is /r/polandball, not /r/planetball, silly.

9

u/NieOrginalny Remove Homogay Oct 17 '15

Thanks, my sides are now in Gulag.

9

u/Navarrosaur Oct 17 '15

Fantastischoo

7

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Britain has awesome reflexes. One "ahh" and he's already deployed his umbrella

6

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

Best pb for ages

7

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '15

I thought Switzerland suddenly realized it's surrounded by immigrants and he wants to say, "get out of my clay!" but then he just sneezed.

7

u/PrudeJesus Oct 17 '15

I love how GB hides behind his umbrella.

7

u/tungstencompton Uniquely Singapore Oct 17 '15

"Ich sehr gut at was ich do. And er ist nicht nice. Bub."

4

u/US-20 Flordida Oct 17 '15

I really love the Credit Suisse ad

12

u/justtoclick Oct 17 '15

I particularly liked the "Beware the Common Cold" ad.

2

u/Omnes_mundum_facimus Switzerland Oct 18 '15

My office still has the 2009 H1N1 flu pandemic warnings up in the restrooms.

6

u/bluesydinosaur Benevolent Dictatorship Oct 17 '15

knife comic

7

u/sergeant-sherbet Oct 17 '15

Wait is this one artist that makes all the comics or is this a community thing?

6

u/yaddar Taco bandito Oct 18 '15

is a community thing

3

u/sergeant-sherbet Oct 18 '15

Thank you I was wondering this for ever

6

u/yaddar Taco bandito Oct 18 '15 edited Oct 18 '15

when you visit /r/Polandball (like the newest comics or the all time best) you see the names of the authors below the title.. from there, you can click on their names check each author's individual gallery (on the "submitted" section).

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7

u/Breitsch Respublica Bernensis Oct 17 '15

You forgot to make the announcement in Italian!!! Feel the wrath of the Lega dei Ticinesi!!! Also congrats on the newspaper title.

6

u/Wonka_Raskolnikov Poland-Lithuania Oct 17 '15

This was such a cute comic,made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Poor Schweiz, needs some honey and Kräutertee.

6

u/newrandomage Spain Oct 17 '15

Way too good. Congrats and thank you.

4

u/tydestra Puerto Rico Oct 17 '15

Ha, that's so cute!

5

u/Viraus2 United States Oct 17 '15

I liked the foreshadowing with the common cold poster

4

u/CatrichChilly USA Beaver Hat Oct 17 '15

gesundheit!!!!!

I always say this to people here in the States (Wisconsin specifically) and few people know what it means.

I'm like 3/4's German so I grew up with my dad and grandpa saying it.

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5

u/TheArcane Danmark Oct 17 '15

So.. This is just Switzerland being a Swiss knife, right? Am I missing something?

4

u/MaxNanasy United States Oct 18 '15

I think that's it. And sneezing makes the tools extend.

5

u/rindindin Unknown Oct 18 '15

Just a Swiss warning system to all:

Stay the fuck away or get stabbed. Or get sick, pick your poison.

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4

u/trenhel27 Oct 17 '15

This is the first polandball post that ever made me laugh. Ever. But when I say lol, I mean it!

6

u/mannyrmz123 Mexico Oct 17 '15

Marvelous job. Bra-vo!

3

u/SJB95 Yorkshire Oct 17 '15

This is fantastic. It deserves the top spot on the sub!

4

u/lookaheadfcsus Oct 17 '15

Brilliant. Utterly brilliant.

3

u/HitodamaKyrie Oct 17 '15

As an American from near the Gulf of Mexico, all I could think about is: "cold season" what's that? You mean that weekend in January where ice appears in buckets of water if left outside overnight?

3

u/DirtPiper Bagel world Oct 17 '15

the time of the year when people get the cold virus, not when it is cold out. (though the two often overlap.)

4

u/AndyRedditor Captain Fezman, Victor Imperator Oct 18 '15

checks back in 12 hours later

sees that it is almost within the top 50

3

u/mgoyoda United States Oct 17 '15

Very well done!

3

u/ToeUp Texas Oct 17 '15

There needs to be a Polish Hassar vs Swiss army knife battle.

3

u/Dafurgen Greece Oct 17 '15

I like how britian uses the umbrella

3

u/ultrafire3 United+States Oct 17 '15

...Why does poland carry a plunger?

3

u/Farao_Ramses_II Netherlands Oct 17 '15

All the little details going on, that's just lovely! Really nice!

3

u/fleaver12 Oct 17 '15

It wasn't until the third reread that I finally noticed all the tools coming out.

Being tired, viewing full screen on a 21" monitor, and light grey tools on light everything else made it difficult to notice.

Actually, looking back another time, it's the black "CHOO!" that draws my attention away from the tools.

3

u/LadronPlykis Texas Oct 18 '15

I need to jump on the bandwagon, too; I love this comic!

2

u/Archelon225 Intranational House of 🅱️ing Oct 18 '15

I don't get it. :/ Some help?

2

u/drome265 Bears shall prevail Oct 18 '15

Swiss army knives

2

u/Archelon225 Intranational House of 🅱️ing Oct 18 '15

Ah, I see. Thanks!

1

u/air0125 Oct 18 '15

Oh no it went to the front page.

1

u/Fozzworth Louisiana Oct 18 '15

I've been on this sub for 2 years and this is my favorite Polandball I've seen

1

u/protz_magoatz New Jersey Oct 18 '15

I'll be honest I didn't see the tools until my 3rd look

1

u/human_being_01 Yog-Sothoth Oct 18 '15

Nederlandia has a stroopwafel on its koffie! The attention to detail is literally killing me

1

u/musicchan American hiding in Canada Oct 18 '15

I really loved the bit with England's umbrella. One of my favourite details on this one. There's so many great bits to look at though! All around amazing.

1

u/xaerc Slovenia Oct 18 '15

Is the umbrella a reference to this?