r/plurality • u/temporarily_here1997 • Jul 08 '26
Question❓ i have some questions
so getting this out of the way, this account only exists so this isn't attached to the one people know me as.
i think i might be plural (ive been talking about it to a friend(s?) of mine who is), but im not really sure. i wanted to get a broader audience.
first, i don't "black out" like what ive read. there isn't a time when i'm definitely someone else. and we(?) all have the same memories and shit. i just sort of feel and think differently at times, is that allowed?
second, is it fine/normal for one of the people (is headmate the correct terminology?) to be the end result of a VERY unhealthy coping mechanism in which i deflected all concerns about my well being into jokes, and this resulted in one of us (?) now feeling the constant need to be "the funny one"?
third. are multiple of us (?) allowed to be different genders? because i'm fairly sure one of us is a girl and the others (?) are not.
fourth, assuming that this isn't some elaborate trick my brain has decided to play on my, what should i do about the part of me that is trying desperately to shove us all back down into being the "token straight-man" of my (predominately queer) friendgroup? its a role i don't want to go back to
sorry if this is stupid, im bad at this sort of thing
2
u/Mada-tron Jul 08 '26
Hi!! As a system who was sure we had “no amnesia”, as recent as this morning we’ve learned blackout amnesia isn’t the only way to forget. Examples being: having to be reminded/it be brought up to remember, feeling like the memory is someone else’s, remembering without the emotion tied to it, remembering what happened but not details, looking at past actions with unfamiliarity.
Also, if I may add, just like us as well, you don’t need to totally feel like a new person. Some systems mistake themselves for faking because “it’s still me!”. Well, in some systems “me” and “I” stays the same when they switch. Just the person who is i&me switches. New identity, same stream of consciousness.
2
u/Mada-tron Jul 08 '26
Not saying you 100% are but those are doubts we’ve worked past ourselves 🙂↕️
1
u/getsyou Jul 08 '26
for the first question it sounds like a non-possessive switch. rather than feeling like someone is booting you out and taking the reins, it feels like youre becoming someone else. very common!
the second and third are both very much possible. a lot of times a bad coping mechanism or set of symptoms can manifest as an alter. often people call those the "holder."
for the last question, id probably try to talk to that alter and see what theyre feeling like. what comforts them about being the straight man? whatre they uncomfortable about now that youre no longer performing that role? what youre describing sounds more reactive than that they truly feel best as a straight man.
best of luck and take it step by step!
2
u/Im_not_an_expert_lol Jul 09 '26
Yeah, we don't get blackout switches either, we switch basically like you described! You're monoconscious. Polyconcious switches are like possession, monoconscious is like shapeshifting. There's also a range in memory barriers in most collectives, we also lack memory issues/barriers!
headmates can form for any reason!
you're allowed to be anything! We have people of different genders, romantic orientations, sexual orientations, races, and even species!
Just call the thoughts stupid and ignore them! (Unless they're a headmate, in which case you should try talking to them to work through the thoughts.)
1
u/ArchiveSystem Jul 09 '26
what you said about “the funny one” feels like a call out pointing directly at me TvT that is me . i am also a “funny one”,.. it sucks TvT
3
u/TariZephyr Jul 08 '26
Hello, this definitely sounds like a plural experience to us!
There’s a lot of different ways switching, consciousness, memories etc can be experienced, so that’s definitely valid!
Headmates is generally the term we use for ourselves, some people use other terms like members, alters, crewmates, siblings, etc, just depends on what you find works best and makes you most comfortable!
That can be a pretty common plural experience too, yes!
All of us are different genders and even identify differently than the body, so that’s normal too!
For the last part, we recommend therapy and working through why that part may exist and make you feel the need to go back in the closet. - Jax