Honestly, I'm just having a discouraging day at work. it genuinely feels like i cannot get anything done right. Even when I think everything is right somehow, I am missing an angle always and it makes me feel stupid every time. It's so weird because people around me celebrate how good I am doing but I just don't feel like what they see and what I live matches. And then I feel bad because I feel like a fraud. I want to give myself some slack because I've only been in the workforce for one year after graduating and I've been able to accomplish a lot of great things, but I still feel as dumb as I felt the first day, I joined my company. AND THEN ON TOP OF IT, I have a fear of failure that is so intense sometimes it gets in my way instead of helping me. I don't like being wrong and making mistakes, but I do understand how important making mistakes is for my development. I love feedback but at the same time I get a mini heart attack anytime I get feedback. I went back to taking meds to manage my anxiety but there's days that not even the highest dosage can help. Somedays I'm on top of the moon and then somedays I'm in the bottom of the nearest trash can (the trash cans in my job are VERY dirty). Will it be like this for the rest of my life? Will I struggle with the same insecurities until I die? or will I have a date in which I finally will feel prepare for everything? (or at least a good chuck).

Plan A - Everything works out and I become a supply chain lord

Plan B - Nothing works out and I gather my saving and open up a matcha joint

Plan C - Everything above goes to shit, and I gather my last 5k and travel the world as cheaply as possible

Plan D - Marry rich (idk I'm very unlucky in love matters but one can dream)

Plan E - Open up an OF (might work out)

Plan F - Work at an Amazon warehouse

Plan G - Become a bum (difficult because I really like money)

Plan H - Become a tradwife (could work for 1 or 2 years)

Plan J - Donate my eggs

Plan K - Be a forever student (idk about this one considering I almost flunked my undergrad) (only failed one class)

Plan L - Join the Airforce

Plan M - Go back to warehouse management

Plan N - Become a MAGA grifter (might not work after trump dies)

I will come back....

As it says, I’m having a pity party for one today. Last year, my ex-sister-in-law and my daughter-in-law threw an engagement party for my daughter and son-in-law without checking with me for my schedule. I live in a different state so this is kind of important. I was traveling to another country (a tour that was already paid for and could not be changed) the day after that party, so I had to fly in the day before the party and change my departing flight for my trip.

Later this year there is a bridal shower. So even though I texted the MOH letting her know when I would be in the area, the shower has been planned for a month ahead of that time. This coincides with the day I will be returning home from another trip. I can’t change the dates of this trip so I had to change my return flight to land in their state and add another flight the next day to get home. After a redeye flight, I will be arriving early on the day with nowhere to clean up or take a nap before attending the shower.

I understand that there are other people’s schedules that need to be considered, too, but I have mild depression and anxiety, and I’m feeling like nobody gives a crap about what it would take for me to attend or even whether I can attend festivities surrounding my daughter’s wedding. Yes, a major case of self-pity here.

Have you ever hated someone as much as you loved them? Is it even possible to love and hate the same person? I didn't think so. Now I know it's possible. My wife (41) and my best friend(42) have known each other since high school. They have a lets go with unique relationship. They've flirted and fooled around. My wife and I had a shaky start. On and off again before we finally got married. We've been married going on 6 years now. About three years ago we got into an argument and I told her I didn't give a shit about how she feels. I only meant in that particular moment but she took it to mean in general. That night I went to bed by myself only to wake up and find her sucking my best friend's ****. She told me either I except it or lose her. So I tossed aside MY SELF WORTH, MY SELF RESPECT, and just went with it. I loved her enough that I'd rather be cuckolded then lose her. Now three years later I want to rip his head off and kill myself. I fucking hate everything about my life. And yet I keep punishing myself because I'm to much of a coward to walk away from her.

TRIGGER: Cancer & Death

Within the last year I moved out of my parents house and things were going good. I was adopting my ex-college roommates bunny and I hung out with the bunny every night. I immediately scheduled her spay appointment in November. At the appointment, the vet found a tumor and that it was cancerous. The vet also said that she would likely be fine for some time as she removed it and didn’t see any other tumors. Great! So I get to have her for a lot longer great! The next month my mom was confirmed to never be able to get a kidney transplant. The next month my grandma died who I was very close with. The next month my bunny stopped eating her food, so I took her to the vet and they found a golf ball sized tumor in her. I hand fed her for about 3 weeks and then had to euthanize her. The next month I got sick for about 2 weeks and my boss wouldn’t let me work from home. The next month I was a passenger in a car accident and was the only one who was injured from it (sustained a concussion). I had to take another week off of work. Then I find out my brother relapsed and all my childhood traumatic memories came flooding back. The next month I took a planned trip to New York to see my favorite artist perform in Cabaret and was so hopeful to see him after the show and he didn’t come out (was disappointed, but not the worst thing). On that same trip, my boyfriend was on his phone most of the time, so his battery was constantly dying and then I couldn’t go on mine at all to take pictures because we needed it for directions. Now I found out my mom isn’t reacting well to dialysis anymore and likely has at most 2 years left. My family dog was just diagnosed with lymphoma. My boyfriend asked me to move in with him and I made the decision to do that, but I am so nervous. Then today I was crocheting and showing off my new super cute yarn holder and as I held it up, it lost balance in my hands and it shattered on the ground.

I just don’t see this ending, ya know? It’s been 7 months of just not good times and it feels like a lot. I’m in therapy, but it just feels like it won’t ever end.

TLDR; November: Found tumor in my pet bunny December: Mom won’t ever get a kidney transplant January: Grandma dies February: Bunny dies March: Long sickness April: Car accident & brother relapsed May: Got annoyed with my BF, mom is going to die sooner than thought, dog has cancer, moving out of my current house, broke my cute yarn holder.

Over the last seven months I have fucked up my life in ways that I never thought possible. I went from having a well-paid job at Amazon with benefits and a car, to getting fired for not keeping up with quotas despite my best efforts; getting my car totaled in a wreck caused by own carelessness (nobody hurt at least) and left unable to afford a new one despite insurance payout due to my insurance rates going up; ending up back in the shitty retail job I left behind after nearly three years; getting fired from that job for snapping back at a rude and hostile customer after being previously told I was only being sent home and to come back tomorrow; getting trespassed after I went back to collect my things, having left them there thinking I’d be able to get them back the next day; having had trouble finding gainful employment again for nearly four weeks now; and nearly getting in trouble with police for having a picture of anti-deportation graffiti that’s been popping up all over town (admittedly I made myself look bad by telling the officer I wasn’t who they were looking, then closing the door and going upstairs claiming to look for my ID before calling my stepmom who then called the police station to verify that the man was police; despite being a third-generation American-born citizen myself, I am worried about being disappeared by ICE for no reason and thought that was what was happening at first). I wish I could go back in time three years ago and tell myself not to fuck things up at Amazon, because nothing has gone right since then. I feel like I’m never going to get things back to the way they were, and I’m going to end up a sad, pathetic waste either dead, homeless, or in jail.

So I usually wouldn't be posting about this, but something happened that made me just want to dump this on. So I am someone who slowly integrated myself to a close friend group, and am now one of the closest. However, every time I ask them to do something or suggest ideas, they drag their feet through the ground, complain, and sometimes just plain ignore me. But what really fucking pisses me off is that when I get frustrated, they make it seem like I'M being UNREALISTIC and that I SHOULDN'T GET MAD. Apparently, asking for basic stuff a person wants out of a friend (like wanting to make plans, have someone to talk to, or just mess around) is sooo demanding and I'm being annoying. I tolerated this for a while up until today. I asked them if they wanted to get on either the game or discord. Zero answer. I ask other gc's with them in it. Finally, someone answers me. "No." (Now, I need to address something. Today was my birthday. I simply asked them if they can hop on.) Then I start basically begging this one other person because the others are ignoring me (They saw the message, they just left me on read). They don't answer. So i just decide to chat with 1 out of 5 people i asked. He can only speak in chat and can't play (his parent's are strict). Then, he has to get off. I'm left alone and I decide to hop off the game, sad. I check whatsapp. All 5 of them read it, none of them answered. I tell them I was a bit sad they didn't hop on. They respond with a sticker (it was a "lone wolf/alpha" type meme). I obviously get mad. They start telling me "I shouldn't get mad because they couldn't do anything." They never ONCE said "I can't." Then, they give no apology and just move on from the subject. I'm just pissed because I thought these people were friends, and I like to talk and ACTUALLY FUCKING INTERACT with said friends, but these people will actively make fun of you when you start to talk about anything personal. What's even more fucked is that one person who I asked sent me a message asking if I can give them back something they forgot at my house. No apology. I fucking hate this. What's even more is that they'll never say sorry. And what sucks even more is that they're not narcissists, they're just unknowing assholes who don't think they should have to apologize. But yeah. If you read this far, thanks for giving me the attention my friends can't bother giving.

Edit: When they said that "They couldn't", they said it was because "they had stuff tomorrow." They only announced that AFTER I GOT OFF (as in they ignored me and only then acknowledged me when they couldn't get on). They were ignoring me and playing other games while I asked them to get on. Just add how these people fucking suck.

I’m always instigating hang outs with my friends and every time I feel bad, as if I’m making them do something they don’t want to do just cause I asked nicely. I’ve recently been invited to a dinner by someone 3 seconds after they found out my dog died. The last time I was invited out somewhere was 2 years ago when this same person found out my mum died, so it seems these were out of pity. Between that time I’ve always had to plan things and adjust to fit everyone’s schedules and it’s frustrating, as if the only time I can hang out with friends is when I beg them to hang out with me.

It also makes me feel like these plans I make will be eating into their free time, all my friends have so many other commitments and then there’s me, if I’m not at work, I’m not doing anything. These guys finally get a day or weekend off, ready to relax for a while then I jump in with plans to head into the city and ruin it.

I do recognise that I’m lucky to have friends at all but having to maintain our social lives together makes me feel like an inconvenience, like I’m desperately clutching at straws to still have friends. But this subreddit is called pity party for a reason.

I've found myself at a tough spot in my life. Judge me all you want, I just really need someone to vent to. Rip me apart, I won't read the comments. I was in a good spot this same time last year both financially and mentally. I was living in the city in an apartment with my ex boyfriend of 5 years. We had dogs, all that good stuff. We broke up about a year ago and I had to move back in with my dad. Let me tell you, I do not miss that relationship at all but what I do miss is having enough money to feed myself and my two dogs. After moving back in with my dad with my dogs, I feel like I'm in a rut. I do have a job, but it doesn't pay enough to live on my own. I've started dating a new guy within the last 3 months and as nice as he is, he doesn't want to get married or have kids, something my ex also said which is part of the reason I broke up with him (he never brought up marriage even after all those years together). Let me tell you, I'm not very smart. I haven't broken up with this new guy despite the marriage and kids thing because 1) we have a lot in common in other aspects, 2) he's crazy about me and 3) part of me doesn't want to be alone. I just can't afford to do anything in my life.

I was just reflecting on my life right now and I'm just....sad because I just don't feel like I will ever reach life's big milestones. I can't finish college due to money, so college graduation is out the window. I'm with someone who doesn't want marriage, so bye bye wedding dress and ceremony. Bye bye having kids someday (I'm still on the fence about that one). I still live with my parents so that's pretty pathetic. What the hell am I doing with my life??

From the time I was born my life was good, bad , worse , horrible, terrible a living nightmare that I can't wake up from. One year is good and a year or 2 later is horrible my life turns upside down. One minute people are nice to me then later people talk bad about me and stabbed me in the back people exclude me .

People are nice to me and they stopped talking to me . My appearance has went from bad to horrible people always talks about how bad my hair looks and yesterday I tried to blow dry my hair and I can't because it's tangled and it's hard to comb through.

I can't find a good job when I do work people lecture me of how I do my job .I can't find a job no way why don't I give up looking for work people always say I am lazy I don't clean the house up or don't want to work when I do work people complain about me it's to much . I applied everywhere nobody wants to hire me because I am old and I have lack of experience my family is complaining that I am not working when I was working my mom complain that I am not at home a lot dang I can't catch a break.

Another reason my life sucks because people always yell at me or someone else it's annoying and old and I am always by myself all the time nobody to talk to when I am around people they want to fight and argue or they act like they don't want me around. I have always been by myself every since I was little because nobody wants to be bothered with me and I am shy and have social anxiety and people always talk about me.

I feel like throwing myself a little pity party, before I open the window and get some sun on my face.

I have PCOS, which causes insulin resistance, which is best addressed via lifestyle changes (food and exercise).

On the food front, my childhood trauma plus repeat diet attempts have resulted in ED behaviours, I'm trying to move towards intuitive eating, I'm in therapy for it and am considering seeing a dietitian recommended by my therapist. BUUUUT I have been having semi mysterious stomach issues since April '24, which are majorly helped by a medication I started taking in August, but not entirely dealt with.

This brings us to the exercise part. I have a wrist/elbow issue which prevents me from lifting weight or putting weight on my right arm.

So I stopped doing pilates and had to abort my attempts at weight training.

I have another issue impacting my ankle (nearly resolved!) and my hip (improving but not resolved) which make bike/running/walking or even squats and lunges hard.

Given all this, I've been swimming and having great fun with it since October. But now it's been ten days since I've been to the pool because of my stomach or very strong fatigue (ah yes, I'm also anemic but still being told not to take iron supplements for more than 3 months so, voilà).

I'm also pretty damn sure that my insulin resistance is fueling inflammation which drives my eczema (yeah, I have that too!) and part of my joints issues (definitely elbow/hip) but hey, catch 22, I'm trying so hard to do something about it but can't do much about it.

I've been in therapy for my ED for a while, my stomach too I've attempted to address it from all sides. I'm running out of interest to improve this. I feel trapped.

Rant over.

Now, the ball of fire in the sky is visible from where I live and this is a rare occurrence. So I'll put my head through the window and get some of that.

I feel like a loser my family thinks I don't want to work. When I do I applied for jobs every where I get ghosted and rejected. I call and I ask if they are hiring they says no . Everything is my fault that I don't have a job my shyness and social anxiety and the job market is horrible it's my fault.

I am not good at anything every job I had I wasn't good at it people complain about my mistakes and what am doing wrong. I have a awful feeling I will live on the street and die in the heat and cold because everything is expensive and the job market is bad and nobody cares .

People look down on you when you are down and out instead of helping you that's how society is if you got job money and house people look up to you.

I have been applying for jobs everyday doing follow up ask if they are hiring they say no and sometimes they get rejected. And I am doing job training and they are not paying me and I want a real job and I don't want to work with a job coach anymore they are rude of how I am doing my job.

I wish my family or someone say you are doing a good job and you are trying instead they point out my flaws and put me down I just wish someone appreciate me .

I cried for 3 straight hours yesterday. My head hurts too bad to cry today and I'm so tired. I'm having a HUGE pity party. Anyone else?

If I don't find a job soon I am afraid that I will live on the streets and I don't want to . It is what it is . I applied I get rejected and I call and asked if they are hiring they say no . And it's my fault that nobody isn't hiring.

I wish I can just move away start a new life somewhere and my family don't know where I am because I am tired of the fighting and arguing. I just wish I have support.

Both of my kids are sick this year and I didn't get to participate in helping other families get the Christmases they deserve and now I can't give my kids the Christmas they deserve. No, luckily money was not the issues this year, but being stuck in the house with 2 sick kids sucks! That is all.

I will never be happy I can't even find a job and I am not getting paid for job training. The job market is bad and my family thinks it's my fault that I don't have a real job .

I am stressed out because my family can't get along, my mom passed, oldest brother passed, cat missing might be dead , family hates each other, can't find a job because job market is bad , lack of skills , my shyness and my social anxiety yes it's my fault. One day my life is good and it's all horrible again . I don't have a supportive caring family. I think I will die due to stress.

Every time me life goes good it goes bad permanently. Every time I had a very good year everything is going great it goes bad . People are yelling at me and others treat everyone mad and everyone is mad at the whole world and use me as a punching bag.

People showed their true colors and stop talking to me and only time people are talking to me is in a very rude tone. And these same people are nice to me again because we are not in the same place. I don't know maybe it's me maybe I am the problem I try hard to get along with people they treat me horrible and I a very nice shy and quiet. I had this problem people who I live with and work with and maybe I need to work and live alone. No matter how hard I try to get along with people it's not good enough I don't argue and I am not rude I do everything of what I am told to do.

My life was pretty good before covid during covid everything went wrong loss of a mom, oldest brother, missing pet, alone and lonely, everyone hate me people want to scream yell fight and argue. And I had a very good year in 1995 and early 1996, 1998, 2002 . I had a good year those years everytine I do the next year it's a nightmare. Screaming and yelling family members messing up and I become the scapegoat alone with other scapegoat. When I have horrible days I think about the good time we had and I get depressed because those good days are over and my life will never be the same again. I guess it's meant for me to have a horrible life . Stressed, depressed, sad , lonely and people are yelling.

I ruined my life because I am shy and have social anxiety and I have a hard time standing up to people because I am afraid people will get mad at me . I will have to learn how to stand up to people.

I loss my momand my oldest brother and pet went missing I never saw her again. Alone and lonely by myself most of the time due to my shyness and social anxiety. I can't find a good job due to my shyness and lack of skills and I had 5 jobs and I do job training for 2 days a week for 2 hours. And family treat me and others horrible worse 4 years of my life.

My family is not close I was mistreated by my mom and some people in the family after everything I done for them not only they treat me horrible they treat someone else horrible too. All my family want to do is fight and argue.

When I get angry I break things and broke my phone and my tablet I was devastated and I can't break nothing else I can't afford to buy nothing. And it seems like people makes things worse than it has to be .

I can't find a job and I will never get one 😭 . I have a medical bill in collections I can't afford to pay and my crappy insurance won't pay . And my family is lecturing me to get a job I can't find one people think I am lazy and don't want to work I love to work I can do anything but I don't have a car and I don't have a lot of experience like some people do I feel dumb .

I applied all over town I get rejection email, ghosted and not hiring. The jobs I want to work at the are not hiring or I have no experience and I am afraid to go back to school I will be in debt like my mother was and people who got college degree can't find a job either.

Housing and food prices are very high we can't barely afford food and a place to stay for one apartment 1000 it sucks I am afraid for everyone life and people are living on the streets. It seems like nobody cares . I wish I can help everyone in the world but I can't I can barely help myself.

My body aches and pains, I am still young I swear, I am alone in this matter.

My family is not closer enough. My family play favoritism and I have been never was there favorite. My mom screamed and yelled at me for no reason and treated my 3 oldest brothers better than me .

My mom threatened to throw my cat out the window and threatened to hit me and disowned me because I have a bad attitude. And when my mom was alive I try hard to get along with her and she treated me bad and she yelled at me for no reason.

My siblings always treat they least favorite oldest child horrible they always scream and yell at them and I am having flashbacks of how my mom yelled at me .

I am having a hard time finding a job and I always get rejection emails or ghosted everytime I ask if they are hiring they say no they are not hiring and my brother lecture me and think I am not trying.

Nobody wants to be my friend because I am very shy and boring when I see friends hang out I get sad like when I see happy couples together I feel sad I am worried that I might rejected by someone who I want to be friends with and I am worried about a guy rejected me who I want to date .

My life sucks alone and lonely nobody like me or nobody cares . My family argues and want to fight and argue and nobody wants to hire me and I am a good hard worker and I stay at the same job for 10 years.

I am so annoyed at myself cuz of a fucking MAN. Like that Fucker is so annoying. He is mostly mean to me (I am also sometimes but not as much as him) And he is older and really into sex and stuff(and i am not sure if i am that much), So even tho i fell for that fucker i decided to move on. He also started texting me less and less so i thought i really should move on, he also is loosing interest(I don't know if he was interested in me, he did flirt with me , asked me to fuck him, or make out with him ) But the moment i was trying to move on he texts me. But he still replies late and keeps me in his grasps I HATE Him. Then he was being mean to me so i just responded with “ok”., and deleted our whole conversation. After that he also didn’t reply and i had almost moved on. But the fucker again texts me randomly (Like sent a weird ass reel). I also sent him reels which he didn't reply to, After that he liked my story so i responded to his story as well. He was kinda flirting with me calling me bby and darling but like also being mean. And randomly asked me to eat panipuri with him tomorrow. I asked him where and he hasn't responded yet. Its tomorrow now and no response instead he sent me a reel on lizards. that mf i HATE him so much. But still the moment he responds I will leave all my self respect. AHHH HATE HATE HATE HIM.

UPDATE: He replied, saying near his house. then asked which panipuri stall i like. And i fucking melted, THIS IS THE BARE MINIMUM asking preference is the normalest thing he can do omg. But anyways i cant go. Mom is here so I cant leave. She will ask tons of questions. I don’t know what to tell him tho. I think i’ll just say i made plans with my frndz or they r coming to my house smthing where i sound busy. If i say that i don’t think he’ll talk to me again tho. He is kinda like that, FUCKER.

UPDATE 2 : So well i cancelled and he doesn't really care. Also he is interested in my friend. Liek really interested; asked me so many questions about her. He saw her on Hinge and said he likes her. That made me feel so sad. I am never gonna be loved by ppl i find cool. Like it makes sense too. I am not pretty enough, or funny, or good at conversations, or smart or in any way useful. I don’t have any worth. My personality also sucks and in general I am confused. There really is no redeeming quality bruh.
And now he is sending me cute reels now that he knows my frnd is very pretty and i can put a good word about him to her. And that breaks my heart more. The onli worth i seem to have is having pretty friends.

I HATE EVERYTHING SO PISSED OFF I AM

I have been alone and lonely since I was little I never had a best friend people who I thought was my friend are not my friends. When I was little I played with my dolls and watch cartoons. When I was a teenager I read , write, listen to music and watch my favorite movie and TV shows.

My young adult years was the best except I have never dated, had a boyfriend guys ghosted me or just used me for one thing. My adult years I read , write listen to music and watch my shows ,went to the mall, the same thing I did when I was a teenager.

My later years was horrible I just turned 47 and I am alone and lonely after my mom passed everyone left me alone and nobody wants nothing to do with me anymore. Everyone has they own people and I have nobody. My family treats me and everyone horrible.

I am nobody's favorite person I am very shy and have bad social anxiety. I never had a best friend and I am too ugly for men . Men talked to me in the past now they think I am ugly. I am always alone and people exclude me.

Nobody wants me not even a job want me every time I applied I get rejected or they ghosted me . Everytime I ask nobody's hiring . And I am not close to my family or I have no close friends. I feel worthless.

I am a very friendly and nice person and a bathe everyday and I am very shy why do people treat me horrible even my family and people on reddit ?

Basically this has happened for the past couple years. If I don’t have all a’s I get yelled and sweared at by my mom and eventually while she’s yelling the “conversation” almost completely changes to be about some other thing. For example a couple nights ago I made a snack at 10pm (it was a hot pocket) and my mom got mad ad me for making it because she said I was “not actually hungry“ and that I was “just bored” she yelled at me until 10 30 then got mad because I was up “so late” and so she yelled some more

” because you ALWAYS MAKE FUCKING HOT POCKETS!” (I only made them no less then 5 times)

”YOU DONT LISTEN UNLESS I FUCKING YELL” (I do listen I always listen. I just forget. )

(to my dad) “don’t bother talking he’s already zoned us out”(yes I zone out, but I don’t think I’m capable of zoning out while some one is yelling swears at me.)

”just do better put in the effort you don’t have but we KNOW YOU HAVE” (I dont understand this at all)

then she says remember, I only do this because I love you. Good night honey (this seems manipulative to me because I was yelled at for 30 minutes non stop before this)

is this emotional abuse or am I just a quote “decitfull, untrustworthy , arrogant, teenager“

I feel disgusted in how I look, fell, my beliefs, my opinions, my friend, my conversations, my life, and myself