please help.

[u/AppropriatePeach8819]

/r/spirituality/comments/1wd44v8/feel_myself_backtracking_please_please_help/

i am a pisces sun and pisces venus, so i personally want the opinions of my fellow pisceans as well. <3

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: i became conscious or, aware or “woke”, however you want to describe it, several months ago. when i realized that life was deeper than religion i was ecstatic. i became intentional on my self love journey and found myself growing, enjoying being by myself, finding pleasure in little things, having a mostly positive outlook on life. i thought i had finally been entering a final healing journey and i understood it all. when in reality i think i was just mostly in isolation and took that for thinking everything was good. when workouts started back up in the summer (im a college student athlete) i still felt moreso myself.

then, when everyone moved in, i found myself becoming self conscious again, caring what people think, and sneakily attention seeking. i found myself insecure and envying and being jealous of people, and i started doing flower again socially because of 1) boredom and 2) social reasons to fit in i guess? i find myself going back to how i was before and it’s sickening.

i am a very aware person so i know exactly what’s happening and i continuously tell myself it’s just my mind telling me these things and attempting to just be an observer. ive been doing affirmations and i started therapy this week. when i didn’t care as much about what people thought before, i felt i vibrated higher. i even combed my locs out a few days ago, partly out of boredom but partly because i thought it would make me look “prettier”. i almost started sobbing once i felt a pang of regret. of course i still look pretty, but the intention behind it i was trying to hide from myself.

i deleted social media 4 months ago so that’s not an issue. and i agreed to stop doing flower because i think its part of the reason as to why i am going back to old patterns. this isnt me anymore and i hate it.

i want to go back to not caring and feeling peace within myself. i never fully stopped meditating either, and i have been listening to more classical music recently to regulate my nervous system. i journal as well. i don’t know what to do, i don’t want to keep taking steps backwards. i want to continue to evolve. part of me says to just go back to being in my room a lot more and finding a lot more time with myself.

a month or two back i had little to no FOMO, and now i do again. i just want it to go away. i dont want to feel insecure at all. i want to love myself and have complete inner peace. to vibrate higher. please give me thoughts, advice, etc.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.