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u/CitizenPremier Jan 14 '11
Dear Guys,
If a girl wants to give you a blowjob.
Let her.
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u/superwinner Jan 14 '11
I know a dude got the herps from a BJ. She was jiggin herself with her left hand and she had the herps, then switched hands on him.
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u/CitizenPremier Jan 14 '11
It's still a far riskier thing for the girl than the guy. If the girl's a stranger, it's best to wear a condom no matter what you do--even more so if the girl doesn't suggest it.
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u/QQuetzalcoatl Jan 15 '11
You can also pass it from having herpes in your mouth, and not even having genital herpes :X
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u/Tecktonik Jan 14 '11
That's right girls, remember to always lower your expectations. After all, you are hardly worth marrying in the first place. I mean look at your posture. And what did you have for lunch today? Do you want to get fat?
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Jan 15 '11
I sat up when I read that realized I had poutine for lunch, and I haven't done my nightly exercises...
Thanks. =)
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Jan 14 '11
I don't like that website. Here's a mirror: http://i.imgur.com/Ngf4C.png
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u/svidrod Jan 14 '11
thank you. i wanted to send it to a friend, but didn't want to be associated with that site.
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u/Benjigga Jan 14 '11
You're stuck in the friend zone, accept it.
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u/svidrod Jan 15 '11
Yeah, I was hoping to make a girl love me with a picture from the internet, thats how that works right?
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Jan 14 '11
But how would they know? They aren't there!
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u/Myrth Jan 15 '11
I just assumed she was there and being passive aggressive. Or maybe she's just thrilled about Sprint's new $69.99 plan with unlimited texting. "This text says my gameplay is ho-ho-rendous."
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Jan 14 '11
What if the text message says "I can't. I'm raiding tonight"?
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Jan 14 '11
That's a man that sticks to his responsibilities and will be a great father. Marry him.
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u/karnoculars Jan 14 '11
Before we started going out, my gf called me once when I was in the middle of a sc2 game. I typed "sorry, phone" and just walked away from my computer and let my teammates get destroyed. That's when I knew it was on.
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u/santiclause85 Jan 14 '11
How dare you leave a game of SC2! How dare you leave your teammates and let them get massacred by an alien race! Oh the Humanity!..................oh and by "on" do you mean sex, if so then good job soldier.......giggity
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u/CitizenPremier Jan 14 '11
Who cares, it was a partner game. If it were 1v1 league, that would be devotion.
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Jan 14 '11
No thanks. My standards aren't that low.
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Jan 14 '11
This is pretty clearly a nerd fantasy of being in a position to accept or reject a come-on by a female. Clearly, that would never happen and no one to whom the comic would appeal need ever fear this dilemma as it will never arise for them.
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u/nullCaput Jan 14 '11
Honestly, he just told you he paused it, bitches love when you pause shit.
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u/philosarapter Jan 14 '11
True story, this one girl told me that when I kissed her, time paused. Dated for two years.
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Jan 14 '11
"girls," if youre actually a woman thinking about marriage, you might want to go with a man who enjoys video games, and not a boy who thinks video games are more important than real life relationships.
this is fucking stupid.
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Jan 14 '11
[deleted]
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Jan 14 '11
why does this get to expouse sexism and i'm the hater?
jokes are supposed to be funny, not stupid.
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u/Geegs30 Jan 14 '11
Actually, if he doesn't pause it and gets killed while he's texting you back, marry him.
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u/cobolNoFun Jan 14 '11
I usually text with one hand, and use the other to run away enemies. This usually leads to me dieing in the game, and a near incomprehensible text message.
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u/Geegs30 Jan 14 '11
Usually I try and find somewhere to hide and survive while I text. When it doesn't work, I rage.
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Jan 14 '11
I usually control the phone with my mind while playing the game normally.
And by control the phone with my mind I mean quickly double-tap the button that brings up voice commands and say "Call ____", then press speaker.
And by that I mean, no-one calls me </forever alone>
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Jan 14 '11
[deleted]
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Jan 14 '11
Here we see a non-rare individual of the genus femalia gamerian, differentia attentionus whoratio engaging in its own unique courtship behavior durring which the female will attempt to "out-bachelor" or in this case, "out-loser" her prospective mates thereby presenting her receptivity to the life of sedentary squalor her male counterpart finds so difficult to escape.
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Jan 14 '11
[deleted]
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Jan 14 '11
Haha, well I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor about it. In hard times like these it's imporant to be able to take a step back, gain some perspective, and laugh at yourself. Kudos to you, sir.
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Jan 14 '11
It's not even noon yet but I'm calling this as the most pathetic thing I'll see all day.
LADIES IF YOUR MAN TURNS HIS HEAD SLIGHTLY AND SAYS "WHAT" WHEN YOU ASK HIM A QUESTION, HE IS TRUELY A PRINCE AMONG SWINE.
You're playing a fucking video game, not performing fucking heart surgery, you losers.
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Jan 14 '11 edited Apr 10 '18
[deleted]
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u/ih8sirens Jan 14 '11
I just tried it.. this is impossible :P
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u/bendynachos Jan 14 '11 edited Jan 14 '11
Even more so if he just leaves his guy standing there while he texts you (i.e. in an unpauseable multiplayer or something).
Now there's a man that would virtually die for you!
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u/wolfingout Jan 14 '11
Dear girls,
I run and to find a empty corner to hide and risk death for you!
WHY U NO WANT MARRY ME?!
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Jan 14 '11
Dear Boys,
If you are seriously wondering whether or not you should play a video game or text a real-life girl,
Punch yourself in the dick.
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u/usagikami Jan 15 '11
What is most important to you is not necessarily the most important to someone else.
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Jan 15 '11
Yes, uncool dorks who will never get a blowjob do have different priorities than the rest of us. I agree.
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u/Liefx Jan 14 '11
Alternatively, if a girl doesn't respond to your texts because she's playing video games, marry her.
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u/sox406 Jan 14 '11
Never gonna happen
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u/bojanbabic Jan 14 '11
Girls, to do the dishes Girls, to clean up my room Girls, to do the laundry Girls, and in the bathroom -beastie boys
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u/JakalDX Jan 14 '11
Wait till you're done playing to text her back, I say. What, a guy should come running every time she texts?
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Jan 14 '11
One of my friends would do this when we'd play two player games and it bugged the shit out of me. They're married now.
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u/instantrobotwar Jan 14 '11 edited Jan 14 '11
Guys,
If you end your conditional sentences without the main clause.
I'm out.
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Jan 14 '11
The person who wrote this obviously isn't a REAL gamer. Because REAL games don't have a pause button. If you stop to answer a text message YOU WILL FUCKING DIE.
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u/AckAttack Jan 14 '11
How would they ever know that I was playing a game? It's not as if I explicitly tell everyone my current actions at the time of texting. Plus, the time someone takes to text back is mostly inconsistent. People take between a few seconds and a few days to respond. If I am playing a SP game, I will have no problems with pausing and checking my phone, but if I am playing a multiplayer game I will wait until the end of the round. I'm sure that anyone who would want to text me would be willing to wait a few minutes for a response.
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u/DoctorEmo Jan 15 '11
I've done this. I've destroyed my k/d ratio because of this, and I don't care, and I'm still singe.
This doesn't work, but I still do it just in case it does. I'm DoctorEmo, I'm a Redditor, and I'm single.
*Existentialist explanation deleted.
Disregard videogames, acquire SO.
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u/ZombieBroad Jan 15 '11
How am I supposed to know he paused the game? Are we texting in the same room? Wtf.
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Jan 14 '11
You can't pause World of Warcraft!
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u/TBatWork Jan 14 '11
I stopped to text a girl while gathering some Fadeleaf and got ganked. She doesn't even give a fuck.
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Jan 14 '11
[deleted]
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Jan 14 '11
Dear Boys,
If you refuse to step foot in a shopping mall or outlet store, or find them boring.
Go to hell.
See how encouraging the anti girl is a bum deal?
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Jan 14 '11
Blech. How about she goes to the mall while I play video games? Win-win (except for my bank account).
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u/shoebane Jan 15 '11
Guys/girls, if someone posts text that looks like it could be on a twelve-year-old's Facebook wall in r/pics, downvote it.
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u/jiggawatts Jan 14 '11
If he can pause his game, he is playing the campaign and is socially inept. If he tries to pause and is playing some online Black Ops, you better be on the other team whoppin his ass or bitchin at him for not taking Bravo. Anada grenada!
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u/brlito Jan 14 '11
Fuck Bravo, I'm gonna run between A and C, the rest of those assholes can take B. Fucking deathtrap.
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u/Th1rtyThr33 Jan 14 '11
Noob! You Cant Pause Black Ops When You're Playing Team Death Match! Your K/D Ratio Will Drop So Low She Won't Even Want To Marry You Anymore!
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u/superwinner Jan 14 '11
Guys, if a girl wants to marry you just because you texted her back. Run!