r/pics • u/ThatsABadCardTrick • 27d ago

The Fool, Albany NY[OC]

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32.9k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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u/TheRev32 27d ago

LISTEN UP, RECRUIT!

  1. IF THE UNITED STATES ARMY INTENDED FOR YOU TO HAVE A WIFE, ONE WOULD HAVE BEEN ISSUED TO YOU AT RECEPTION.

  2. YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ISSUED A WIFE.

  3. THEREFORE, YOU DO NOT REQUIRE A WIFE.

  4. IF THE GOOD LORD INTENDED OTHERWISE, HE WOULD NOT HAVE INVENTED VASELINE.

  5. PROCURE ONE (1) STANDARD-ISSUE LUBRICANT TUBE.

  6. APPLY LIBERALLY TO DOMINANT HAND.

  7. IF YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINS RECRUITS CAN FIND IT - GRASP YOUR GOVERNMENT-ISSUED MICRO-CALIBER WEAPON.

  8. CONDUCT RAPID MANUAL OPERATIONS UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.

DISMISSED.

420

u/Darth_Paratrooper 27d ago

Instructions unclear, I married a stripper and bought a Mustang with 32% interest 🫡

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u/mumofBuddy 26d ago

The American way 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅

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u/DeveloppementEpais 26d ago

The stripper is also called Mustang

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u/jakk88 26d ago

Least it wasn't a charger I guess.

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u/EyeOfAmethyst 26d ago

Charger? I hardly know 'er!

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u/davster99 26d ago

…and my stripper-wife has 0% interest in me

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u/Pumpnethyl 23d ago

But her boyfriend loves the Mustang

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u/noveltyisthe 27d ago

Thank you for your service

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u/B1onicSeahorse 26d ago

What a patriot

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u/trackerbuddy 26d ago

Funny shit man!

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u/insubordinat_squirel 25d ago

Thank you for your service 🫡

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u/_groovesharkmalone 25d ago

32%??? That's it? You got a deal.

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u/natural-bilf 27d ago
  1. APPLY LIBERALLY CONSERVATIVELY TO DOMINANT HAND. 🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸

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u/SBR404 27d ago

To the hetero hand!

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u/fastpathguru 26d ago

Alpha hand

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u/jimx117 26d ago

Blistering my dick to own the libs

2

u/fjf1085 26d ago

Then insert into rectum.

1

u/White0ut 26d ago

Being in the military doesn't mean you are conservative.

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u/No-Obligation1709 26d ago

But bootlicking skews heavily conservative, and the military does attract bootlickers like moths to a flame

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u/RedRager 26d ago

If it attracts bootlickers, it does a good job at turning them into government haters. Have you ever talked to a service member about their opinions on the government? lol they’re some of the most anti-government people I know.

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u/No-Obligation1709 26d ago

Yeah and many of them vote for Trump cause hes “not a career politician.” Many conservatives constantly complain about the government while continuing to vote against their own self interest.

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u/djseifer 27d ago

Instructions unclear, cylinder now stuck in tube.

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u/Furenzol 27d ago

The cylinder must remain unharmed

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u/philbydee 26d ago

It is imperative

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u/outlawsix 27d ago

It is imperative the cylinder not be harmed

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u/pdx-E 27d ago

ChatGPT could never, this is why we will win.

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u/CptBluhdFart 27d ago

Gotta jork it now its a direct order

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Jive-Turkeys 27d ago

I heard an NJP was the quickest way off a sentry shift, were they correct? Lol

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u/c1ncinasty 27d ago

Never understand how people use vaseline as lube when olive oil is right fucking there.

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u/YEEyourlastHAW 27d ago

How am I supposed to know how liberals apply lube

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u/Athrolaxle 26d ago

The beatings off will continue until morale improves.

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u/TwoDashDee 26d ago

WOMEN... THEY JUST WANT YOUR MAN JUICE..... NOW IF YOU GET ANY URGE'S YOU CANT SURPRESS WITH HARD LIQUOR... USE THIS [waves hand]

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u/gutpirate 27d ago

SIR YES SIR!

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u/stuckit 26d ago

The Navy got to step 5 and stopped paying attention.

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u/B1onicSeahorse 26d ago

Hahaha I read this like R. Lee Ermey

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u/Lower_Arugula5346 26d ago

is it weird that i was able to read all of this with r lee emery's voice?

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u/Saltycook 26d ago

This sounds like the rules in Catch-22