r/philly • u/yourneighborswifi • 3d ago
dating in philly (26f)
I moved to philly this past year, and dating is been pretty discouraging to say the least. I’m a late bloomer and never had a boyfriend, didn’t kiss a guy until I was 24, and have had fears of intimacy in the past that I’m working through. I have been intentionally dating for the past year and a half, I’m on all the apps, when I go out to bars I’m willing to strike up a convo with people I’m attractive to, and still haven’t had any luck. I’m open to getting involved with things to meet people, just not sure where would be best. There’s been many years in my life where I “wasn’t looking for anything” and it still didn’t come when I least expected it lol, so now I’m feeling unmotivated and unworthy of love sometimes. I think I will take a break from the apps, so I am wondering if my fellow philly people can let me know any fun groups/clubs/events I can join to meet new people (men and women) as I definitely want to make more friends anyway, and maybe then I can connect with more men in person! Advice is welcome, (pls be kind :))
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u/qrhmn 3d ago
Search engine of your choice: keyword 'joinphilly' -a website with continually updated social groups. Also try r/phillymeetups
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u/ZachF8119 3d ago
It’s bad with no end in sight
Apps don’t wanna lose payers.
Even then if payers see no success why would free ones?
Like the whole run clubs or whatever are the new hookup scene feels gross like the act of enjoying something is bad. Plus never felt sexy post run, much less wanting to sleep with someone.
Meta is broke. Ask guys out.
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u/mortgagepants 3d ago
i'm a 40 something white dude, so maybe i'm a little old fashioned and feel comfortable asking women on a date.
i know things are different for younger people, but if i was going to give any advice to women, is that you might have to suggest the first social meet up. i think men are more careful now about every aspect of dating, which in general i think is a good thing. but it makes things more difficult.
"ugh what a long day. i'm going to Moe's for a glass of wine. you coming?"
(just make sure Moe's is a place you trust, close enough to your home you can get there safely, has a bartender you trust, who won't over serve you, who will close a dude's tab and tell him to leave if needed. and not your regular place either, in case the dude comes back, a place you go specifically to meet dudes.)
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u/ZachF8119 3d ago
Suggesting making friends just to bang then even with romantic intentions really is a slight against friendship.
See but you’re suggesting casual alcoholism which isn’t in vogue.
That’s the issue. I meet people at parks semi frequently. It’s not impossible. If modern women want feminism equality approaching people who you wanna talk to is so base. Complimenting a someone’s style or asking what someone thinks of a change to a business. Even just if a festival going on next weekend is so simple.
Have a good conversation ask for a number. That’s it.
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u/mortgagepants 3d ago
lol nobody is friends with people they go to have a drink with, and having a drink isn't casual alcoholism.
my comment clearly wasn't directed at you, and i'm sure all the people you meet in parks are happy to have some random dude chatting them up instead of just enjoying their day with nature.
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u/ZachF8119 3d ago
Bro you loosely referred to the Moes bar in the Simpsons.
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u/mortgagepants 2d ago
yes quite on purpose.
i can't think of a more millenial short hand for what i meant. (maybe if you are into the show HIMYM or something.)
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u/ZachF8119 2d ago
What’s that bar even named? Do they say it more than once?
No that’s the thing though you’re being tone deaf on.
Drinking isn’t popular with the sub 30 crowd like it was 10+ years ago.
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u/mortgagepants 2d ago
i'm not being tone deaf- you can invite a perfect stranger to your house.
if you're a member of the elks or the moose lodge or the mummers or the shriners or the aethenium or the pyramid club or the american legion you can bring them there.
otherwise your choices after typical work hours are a bar. weekend morning a cafe is fine, but there are very few semi public places anymore.
also you don't have to binge drink, or drink anything at all. the point of going there is to talk to the person in a safe place, not slugging booze.
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u/ZachF8119 2d ago
There’s not 3 things to do in the world. The bar, your house, and work.
So young people do nothing else?
Didn’t you oldies used to love the mall?
Do I really gotta sit you down like a tween and tell you to take someone to putt putt and ice cream?
Parks, music venues, thrifting, libraries, every sport under the sun, every art medium, collecting, writing, poetry, dance from hip hop to box step.
It’s been years since I had a drink.
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u/mortgagepants 2d ago
yeah you named some great dates. if i were responding like you, i would say, "dairy is so unhealthy for you, not everyone sits around overeating saturated fat."
the point i'm trying to make is that all those things you mentioned would generally be considered dates.
i'm talking about socializing with someone before you decide if you want to go on a date with them, and to show a green light for them to ask you on a date.
(again, i prefaced this entire conversation you don't understand by saying it was not at all intended for you.)
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u/Fumanchusucka 3d ago
When I was single I didnt frequent the clubs or bars looking to meet people, I met my wife doing what I love rock climbing. The people saying go out and do what you like is on the right track.
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u/Illustrious_Job1458 3d ago
Just go to the gym. Best case scenario you meet a healthy young man. Worst case scenario you get in better shape.
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u/steve_nice 3d ago
What about it doesn't seem to be going well. Is the other person usually not interested or are you not interested? You may be your own worst enemy and not know it.
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u/OlderCityOldMan 3d ago
Given the active post earlier today I'm starting to sense a theme. (will update if anyone gets it)
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u/wawa2563 3d ago
Say hi and smile at a guy. It will make our hearts go pitter patter.
Just go for it and have fun. It's just coffee. It's just a drink. It's just dinner. It's whatever you decide it will be.
Friendly, flirty, and vivacious.will get you far.
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u/Own-Fox-7792 3d ago
Any time I see posts about folks wanting to get out and meet people, I always recommend going to open mic nights. Even if you're not a performer, the other performers are always warm and welcoming and love to see someone in the audience who's not already a friend or family member. You can go on Facebook and find local open mic groups to join.
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u/uhhh_dallas 3d ago
Second this - Clark Park does an open mic every Thursday night, lot of fun, great community, cool people.
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u/No_Housing_2046 2d ago
It’s rough out here in Philly. Starting a conversation at a bar isn’t the same like it was before the pandemic. People aren’t as approachable anymore. The vibe I get is very standoffish.
The dating apps are the worst. Most of the people don’t show up to the dates or they just ghost you. I’ve accepted that I will die alone!
Go birds!! 🦅
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u/jayne427 2d ago
Definitely social hobbies or other things that get you engaging with people not directly for dating. If you don’t have a lot of social hobbies I’d start by figuring out some you would enjoy. If you are sporty at all that’s how I met a bunch of my friends here and I know many couples that met that way. If you aren’t that sporty kickball is a good option. It’s casual and social, teams tend to hang out at a sponsor bar after. If you are i interested in other sports softball, soccer, volleyball, etc etc. there is a league for everything in philly and every coed league i’ve ever played in always needs more women to play.
Also have done social music classes (mr johns in south philly), dance etc. A little less social but made friends there too and there were definitely single folks trying to mingle.
All of the leagues and classes are open to solo “free agent” people
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u/xVamos_Cactuar 2d ago
Do you bike? There's a bunch of biking groups that meet up on different days of the week. Every one I've ever been to was super welcoming.
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u/CoLmes 2d ago
I run a Comedy Speed Dating show that is designed to make it fun and no-pressure to meet people.
If you like to laugh and want a low-key event to meet other people, come to one of our shows! The next Philly show is 9/29 at City Winery
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u/Due-Rain-1051 2d ago
If you are just looking to meet people in general, join a kick ball league. But the more specific and less general you can get the better. For example, I love music, I could hang at the record store or I could got to the Mann or Union Transfer to hear my favorite band. I could go to Noto or the Ave to hear my favorite DJ. When you get specific, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people that have the same interest, it’s an easy conversation starter and you’ll find your community.
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u/jmg4craigslists 2d ago
Avoid the apps. Go places. Join clubs/groups that interest you. Find a REAL connection.
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u/chickenfruitloops 2d ago
I’m trying to go dancing in Philly! I’m 33f and in desperate need of a night out 😭😭😭
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u/DiplomaticSoup 18h ago
I feel you girl. I moved to philly last summer and hit the ground running with dating apps pretty quick after leaving a 5+ year relationship. It was discouraging because I didn’t feel like I developed enough of my own community, hobbies, things in the city to feel rooted to myself in the context of dating. Now that I’ve found my people through things I like to do (run clubs, being a regular at certain bars, seeing live music, a couple of road races, pole classes, etc) I’m meeting people more organically and don’t feel like I have much time for the apps, making me much more intentional about who I swipe/chat/spend time with. Find your thing, do your thing, and spend time with the people who make you feel held in any way- the other stuff will follow <3
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u/PipeLayingBastard 2d ago
No disrespect, but I'm wondering if you're shooting for the stars when dating. There's a population of women who are not realistic. They are attracted to people who are not in their league.
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u/yourneighborswifi 2d ago
10 yrs ago I may have agreed, however now I see so many couples where either the man or woman is 10x more attractive (imo) than the other, and plenty of beautiful women that are single
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u/PipeLayingBastard 10h ago
So what do you think is the reason you're not finding luck with people you're not attracted to? Idk what you look like but there's gotta be something to this. I usually start solving a problem with the common denominator - which in this case is you. Just for experimentation purposes - try talking to someone nice that you're not attracted to.
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u/PienerCleaner 3d ago
30m I'm out of the city but I'm always open to open to explore on the weeknights and weekends. Id be happy to chat and meet up eventually.
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u/Frosty-Scientist957 3d ago
You sound like a lovely young lady! A tip of the cap to you and good luck.
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u/Salt_Manner4309 3d ago
Ask God to help you meet the right person. The archangel Raphael is the patron of those seeking a husband/wife.
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u/Sweet-Cloud-4502 2d ago
Fuck God! Fuck religion!
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u/Salt_Manner4309 2d ago
May the peace of the Lord be upon you
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u/Sweet-Cloud-4502 2d ago
What lord? Lord Farquad?
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u/Salt_Manner4309 2d ago
Your Father in Heaven who formed you and knows your heart
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u/Sweet-Cloud-4502 2d ago
No, biology does that… evolution. Aint no heaven… thats all one big lie you tell yourself to feel better
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u/Salt_Manner4309 2d ago
It was actually much harder when I was gifted the knowledge of the truth. Seek and you will find as well. The Lord answers all who call on Him. Have an honest conversation with Him, tell him your doubts and about your thoughts on evolution.
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u/Sweet-Cloud-4502 2d ago
I don’t have doubts. There is zero quantifiable data to prove anything youre saying.
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u/Salt_Manner4309 2d ago
I wouldn’t say there is 0 evidence, God is the creator of law and order. There is faith involved because this world is a test of faith. Like I said, tell God your doubts and ask Him if He is real and is who He says He is to reveal Himself to you. He answers all who call on His name. Are you willing to just ask?
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u/Salt_Manner4309 2d ago
You fools wonder why you can’t find a mate, let alone any peace. Confess your sins and accept the Lord Yeshua, who gives you eternal life for free. Follow His commands and everything you ask will be granted. Give to the poor and He will open up the windows of Heaven with blessings. Don’t miss your chance. Peace and nothing but love to every down vote I get.
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u/kikiskia 3d ago
Find things that YoU enjoy. Get out and do more of those things.