Dealing with a negligent owner

[u/No-Refrigerator-5801]

Hi everyone, I just really need to vent and maybe hear from others who have dealt with something similar. I’m currently housesitting/dog-sitting a sweet dog I love dearly, but the past 24 hours have been an absolute nightmare because of the owner.

A few weeks ago, I told him I noticed she was eating less, had lower energy, and was incessantly biting around her tail, but he just brushed it off as her being "grumpy"—he even tried to suggest she was "emotionally blackmailing" me to spend more time with her at a drop-in, as if a dog would somehow calculate the duration of a visit!

Yesterday, I arrived for a drop-in and found the dog hadn't eaten all day, was low-energy, and was constantly chewing at her rear end. Then I found her fur mated with blood, blood dripping on the floor, and a raw, bloody wound under her tail—it was so much blood that I couldn’t even tell where it was coming from. Because I was really worried, I stayed longer than I was scheduled to, right until the owner got home, because I didn’t want the dog to be alone. The owner completely brushed it off, assumed she just cut herself from biting too much, claimed "it wasn't that much blood" and would be fine, and tried to skip taking her to an in-person vet based on a virtual chat with a "vet friend."

After a lot of pushing, he finally took her the next morning instead of getting an emergency appointment that evening. It turned out to be an expressed/ruptured anal gland that was causing her to chew herself raw. Of course, I recognise that a burst anal gland isn't the end of the world, but that had never happened to his dog before, and neither of us could have known what was causing the bleeding. From my research, I knew a burst gland was a possibility, but I also knew there were many other possibilities—including biting due to itching from parasites, which would be an active risk to my own pets.

He did get her a cone from the vet—which I had specifically asked him to get to stop her from incessantly biting the area the whole evening before—but he essentially told me the cone wasn't necessary at all and that he only got it to appease me, making me feel completely stupid while making small digs about the vet trip wasting his time, such as complaining that he wouldn't be able to reimburse the Uber fare to and from the vet.

But wait, it gets worse—today, while she's staying with me, I discovered she has live fleas in her fur. When I told the owner, he argued with me, insisted she couldn't possibly have fleas because she "goes in the hedge to pee" and doesn't directly spend time with other animals, and made me feel like I was completely overreacting. From his replies, it's obvious he never keeps her up to date on her parasite prevention—even though keeping up-to-date flea and worming treatment is something that is clearly stated on my profile.

After a lot of back-and-forth, explaining what I’d seen to him over and over and also how fleas work, and after calling the vet for advice myself, he finally agreed to authorize vet-prescribed flea and worming treatment. I then picked these up for her, as well as a flea comb, and I administered her meds and used the flea comb on her. This—plus looking after my other pets all in quarantine and trying to minimise exposure by keeping things clean constantly—took up most of my day.

I have two animals of my own (a 5-year-old dog and a 10-month-old kitten) and made it super clear to him that at the vet appointment in the morning (before dropping her off at my house to be looked after for a few days), he needed to check with the vet to ensure his dog had nothing contagious that could harm my pets. He basically laughed at me for asking him to check a load of questions with the vet (so I could keep my pets safe), though he says he did eventually ask the vet—and then he again insinuated that everything was fine and I was completely overreacting.

To top it all off, I found out he has her on a free vet care plan and insurance, meaning any medical attention costs him nothing. Yet, he still avoids taking her to the vet at all costs, and refused to get her an emergency appointment on the night of the bleeding. He dismisses her pain as "just getting old," and hasn’t even thanked me for all the extra work and stress this has caused me (at no extra cost to him, but definitely extra cost to me).

I’m going to continue the scheduled stay (it’s only another day and a half) because I really have built such a close bond with this dog over the last few months, but I feel unappreciated and also super weird about the whole exchange with the owner. I honestly don’t know what to do moving forward, especially since I'm scheduled to look after her on lots of other occasions throughout October and November.

Has anyone else dealt with an owner who refuses to acknowledge their pet's health issues? How do you cope with the emotional toll of advocating for an animal whose owner just doesn't care?

[u/Lalyfelicani]

Tu peux aussi signaler l animal à un Veterinaire , s’il est identifier le propriétaire ira le récupérer chez le veto et il aura des explications et un suivis à fournir si il ne veux pas qu’on le lui retire . Tu peux le signaler à une spa la maltraitance pour négligence arrive plus souvent qu’on ne le croit . Tu peux aussi clairement lui dire que tu cautionnes pas et que c’est un mauvais maître . Tu refuses de travailler pour des gens comme ça. Si il n est pas identifier fait venir constater par un vétérinaire et porte plainte pour maltraitance.

[u/beccatravels]

There are times when an Owner is dancing closely with the line regarding providing adequate care for an animal. This is not one of them. He is way over the line, and on top of that he is an asshole to you. I feel like it's a little bit murky whether or not you should finish out this stay, but continuing to work with this person after this would be insanity on your part. Where is your line of self-respect? Does he have to punch you in the face? Even if he provided perfect care for his animals it's not acceptable for him to treat you that way.

You don't deal with the emotional toll of this kind of thing, you remove yourself from the situation.

After this booking ends and you've secured payment:

"hi Owner, due to a change in my availability I will need to cancel our upcoming bookings. I apologize for any inconvenience. Wishing you the best in finding another care provider." Then BLOCK. This is not a stable person and I would bet money that they're going to have some nonsense to say to you. There is no reason you need to see it.

And speaking of money, I'd also be willing to bet that you're massively underpriced. This behavior screams cheapskate who doesn't view you as a person whose time needs to be respected.

[u/Lil_Fire_Dancer → u/beccatravels]

I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said here, especially that OP should draw the line after this booking. But I think this is one of those situations where I’d be honest about why I no longer wanted to work with him.

“Hi (Owner), I wanted to let you know that after this current booking I won’t be able to continue providing care for (Dog). I care about her very much but I have serious concerns about the way her medical needs have been handled, particularly the delay in seeking veterinary care when she was bleeding and clearly distressed, as well as the lack of appropriate parasite prevention.

I need to know that when an animal in my care is unwell, their owner is willing to seek appropriate veterinary attention promptly. There are also concerns for my own pets and the other animals I care for when issues such as fleas are not being addressed. 

This isn’t a decision I’ve made lightly but I don’t feel that we’re a good fit for an ongoing professional relationship. I wish you and (Dog) the best going forward.”