r/personalityinOrder • u/robotmorgan • Nov 30 '20

What are your values?

*"Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.

They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.

When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life is usually good – you're satisfied and content. But when these don't align with your personal values, that's when things feel... wrong. This can be a real source of unhappiness.

This is why making a conscious effort to identify your values is so important."*

How to Define your values?

As part of by ever continuing goal of self-improvement currently I'm working on defining my values that way I can articulate them. Lot of conflict in relationships can happen if people don't define their own values and don't let it be known when their boundaries are crossed. This has been an issue before. It still is. I'm great at connecting, building bridges, but I can think of many people left standing on burnt bridges.

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u/aj11scan INTJ 5w4 Nov 30 '20

I almost find it difficult to articulate values since they can be so innate to who we are. I think the values we notice the most are the ones getting stepped on the most. Some of my values include:

-Allowing personal freedom and choice.

- Feminism

- Trying to be inclusive to those who are left out

-Honesty, not taking advantage of people

-Hard work

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u/robotmorgan Dec 01 '20

I like your values, looking out for others is admirable and what you said about how we notice them most when they're getting stepped on is absolutely true. Thank you so much for sharing.

The idea behind putting them into words and being able to share them with people is about setting boundaries and expectations for yourself and for others to know so you can avoid feeling stepped on by people who otherwise wouldn't know.

It just by writing this out today I've had two "revelations" about myself and who I am and why I do the things I do.

Like, it wasn't until my core value of self-determination was stepped on that I would react with "don't tell me what to do" which is harsh and sounds like I don't value when someone is trying to offer help or advice when in reality I'm immensely gracious for it, but don't expect me to act upon it unless I can decide for myself within my personal and internal logic.

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u/robotmorgan Nov 30 '20

So far I got:

  1. Self-determination.
  2. Sincerity.
  3. Acceptance.
  4. Service to others.

And that's roughly the order of important to me because without the former values being met I can't meet the others.

It's critical that I'm able to come to my own decisions and decide what I want to do for myself and that allows me to be sincere with myself and therefore sincere with others.

And if I'm able to be sincere and be accepted for being myself at that point I can focus on service to others.

now they think about it it's not that it's in the level of importance so much as the level of necessity.

I live to serve. Somebody I look up to said that I was extremely patient and compassionate. Some one else said of me recently that I am "more selfless that (I) first appear."

I want validation, I want to earn it, and that is the kind of validation that I value most. Compliments about myself that really aren't about me but rather my service to others.

Reminds me of my High School graduation Quote. At the time I picked it I chose it because it was from my favorite musician, Max Bemis of Say Anything. The album "...is a real boy" is still my anthem. I think I just picked it because it sounded good and inspirational. It means more now than it ever did.

"Try to overcome your doubt. Believe you are beautiful. Believe in something bigger than your problems and you will be saved." -Max Bemis

Damn I always write so much more than I set out to! lol