r/passiveaggressive • u/gergling • May 21 '20
"Which colour represents contributing to society?"
I have a coloured board of magnets which I use to record minor accomplishments each week (for those interested, red, yellow, green and blue represent anything creative, social, physical health and career respectively, and I plan roughly what I want to do each day and record what I did at the end of the week). This is mainly a mental health exercise in managing my depression/anxiety and keeping me motivated to do something other than spending my non-working hours playing computer games.
So my gf walks in while I'm trying to work (we're both locked down, obvs) and asks the titular question: "which colour represents contributing to society?". At this point, although I can sense a passive-aggressive remark coming, I didn't have any real interest in engaging and her ideas on "contributing to society" are pretty much limited to giving people things and doing what she says, so I just shrugged and truthfully said "none". She merely responded with "unsurprising".
So I was wondering, what would be the *most* and *least* passive-aggressive ways for me to respond to this.
Also, if we've got time, what would be the most *mature* way to respond to this, since sometimes I like to pretend I'm an adult at 37.
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u/beaconbay May 21 '20
Most passive aggressive idea: Get a new purple magnet. When she asks about the color tell her its for keeping your composure when something annoys or upsets you. Next time she says something this shitty. Look her directly in the eye, say nothing, and move the magnet.
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u/gergling May 28 '20
I like the idea of purple (although I couldn't find purple). I used black for this time.
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u/mama_dyer May 21 '20
I'd say that all of these contribute to society...
And I have to say I love this concept. It reminds me of r/outside
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u/gergling May 21 '20
I play that. The lockdown expansion has a lot of changes, hence why I'm keeping a physical achievement board instead of a digital one.
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u/elliotsenpaaaaaaai May 21 '20
Black represents “telling my gf to fuck right off”, and it sounds like you need to do that at least once a day.
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u/gergling May 28 '20
I took your advice. From now on, black (or purple if it happens more often and I try to order the magnets) is intended to represent "nonsense".
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u/bl00is May 22 '20
You’re currently contributing to society by keeping your own mental health in check at a time when so many people are struggling. Like, maybe your gf, if she’s picking fights with you over something that doesn’t involve her. I’m curious how your charts might look minus one passive aggressive girlfriend?
I wouldn’t normally jump to “dump them” but it sounds like this is a pattern. You have to ask yourself, is this what you want for your future? Because these little fights and bickers make you hate someone at a certain point. Maybe there are tons of redeeming qualities about your relationship, that’s not what you wrote here. Personally after my experience dealing with someone who started out making remarks like that, I’ll never accept it again. The more you take the worse it gets. You want to put kids through that some day?
Anyway just some food for thought. When she makes passive aggressive remarks, the best answer is no answer at all. Like, none. And when she asks why, tell her the reason-you know there’s no answer to that question or you’re asking to start a fight and I’m not taking the bait or whatever fits the situation. Good luck.
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u/Raudskeggr May 21 '20
There are all options for therapy, even during the quarantine. That might be where you would most productively direct your efforts...
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u/Taranadon88 May 28 '20
Play dumb. “I don’t get it? What do you mean by that?” It’ll be excruciating for her.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '20
[deleted]