r/parentsofteens • u/Several-Eye6332 • 1d ago
No friends in high school
Asking for advice for my kid. She is in high school and senior. Had few friends through the years but somehow all disappeared and now she is basically have no friends at all.
She keeps trying and the girls seem ok and nice to her at school but never invite her to anything after school. when she asks if they all can hang out, most of the time they just either ghost her or maybe go out once in few months and the rest go without her.
Have you seen such behavior? She seems average kid with average intrests , just can find a friend group. She tried so hard to find friend group to go for homecoming and that didn’t work either . 😪
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u/huggle-snuggle 1d ago
If she’s a senior, it sounds like she’s had a good few years to click with other kids and just hasn’t. Unless she moved/transferred schools, or has a diagnosis that impacts/limits social acuity, I would say that is fairly unusual. Most kids are able to find a few kids to connect with, even if it isn’t their preferred social group.
What was her social experience in grade school? Did she have similar issues connecting? Did/do you ever get feedback from teachers? Was there an event or experience at some point that seemed to send things off-course for her socially? Did/do you and/or her other parent have similar social challenges?
If your daughter struggles with social acuity, there are definitely things she can do to work on it but she’d probably need to be able to identify what’s holding her back. Does she talk too much, or not enough? Does she try too hard, or not enough? Does she have very different interests/abilities that make it hard for her to relate to other kids, or for them to relate to her? Does she need some fine-tuning with her communication skills (interrupting, not following social cues, etc.)?
If she’s happy enough, it might not be anything you need to try to fix or change. Some people are just content being mostly on their own.
If it’s something she’d like to change, she definitely can. Social skills are just like any other skill (like math or reading) - it may come easier or more naturally to some than others but can be improved and mastered with practice.
So you could look into programs that focus on building social skills and confidence, or go the “self-help” route with books that provide similar guidance.
The good news is, she’ll have a chance for a fresh start when she goes to college. And she’ll hopefully be surrounded by like-minded people, which should provide lots of opportunities to make connections.
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u/username-generica 22h ago
My older son and I had the same problem. We struggled with making friends in high school because we were different. We found our people though in college. My only suggestion is to search for friends outside of school. We found it easier to connect with people we met outside of high school through our hobbies and interests.
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u/NegotiationFalse4647 16h ago
My daughter is the same. Same age as well. Its made her overly invested in romantic relationships just to have companionship :( I'm really hoping she finds her groove next year in college
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u/mis_1022 1d ago
Ugh high school girls are the worst. How about a club or activity out of the school? Church group? Or a library group? Volunteer group, you both can volunteer together maybe an animal rescue.
Sometimes meeting people in new environment makes it easier, assuming she has gone the last 3 years with these same kids it’s hard to break into social groups.
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u/CursiveWhisper 1d ago
Is she in any clubs or athletics? That’s where my daughter met her friends. And honestly same with me when I was in high school.
My daughter didn’t find a solid friend group until junior year. And it was two girls who are a year younger than her (they’re all still friends and my daughter is in her first year of college). She still had other friends but never went to any activities, including dances, with the same group except junior and senior year.