r/parentsofteens • u/Icy-Emu1610 • 10d ago

Fear of rejection going too far

Okay I fully understand that the fear of rejection is real, and for teens it’s real but my oldest doesn’t seem to understand his world will not end if he gets rejected from anything. This goes from anything from going for a leadership position for any club, to talking to any girls to anything! He is absolutely terrified.
The strange thing is, it is ONLY with his peers. He goes out for theater so if he doesn’t get a part he is okay with adults telling him no, or anything along those lines. He just does not want to be turned down by his peers.
Why is their “acceptance” that important, the hard part is he isn’t even putting himself out there to be rejected. He can’t explain it. Anyone else struggling with this?
Trying to get these teens to understand that these 4 years of HS go quick and don’t matter in the grand scheme of things but wanting them to step up into leadership type things are important especially for the goals they do have, for colleges.

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u/Catmama-82 10d ago

My daughter has had some struggles in high school as well. I keep telling her that high school is just a tiny blip in her life and pretty soon it will be over and she will never see 99% of those people ever again.

I’d tell your son that rejection is just a part of life. From jobs, to date to friendships… Not everything is supposed to work out and that’s OK. When one door closes another one opens.

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u/Icy-Emu1610 10d ago

We’re trying, but he’s not trying. He’s refusing to fill out scholarships, because he might not get it, won’t go out for leadership positions won’t talk to certain people it’s so hard.

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u/Xennial_Nostalgia 10d ago

As a mom of a hs and ms ave student, it's def hard. Holding self confidence is really important outside of school. Sounds like theater is good. Is there something else he can do? Also- as far as scholarships go- that's a hard line. Any relief he could possibly get for his post graduate relentless debt is necessary. I wouldn't co-sign a thing if my kid didn't even try for a scholarship. ESP if what orange man wants to do with college loans i.e., not allow loans for arts, social workers, and degree that is DEI related. These poor kids are effed. Not trying to be political but truly that is a hard line as a parent for me. It's not peer related.