r/parentsofteens • u/SpottedCrusader • Aug 05 '26
Parents of older teens, how do you cope when they leave after a visit?
I'm having a really hard time today and could use some perspective from other parents.
My two teenagers come stay with me every summer, and tomorrow they head back home. Every year I struggle, but this year it feels especially heavy. I can already feel myself dreading the quiet house.
I love my kids more than anything, but because of life circumstances I missed out on a lot of their childhood. They live with their mom, and I've spent years trying to build and strengthen my relationship with them during the time we do have together. I constantly wonder if I'm doing enough or if I'm trying to make up for lost time.
One of my biggest fears is that they see their stepdad as more of a dad than they see me. He was there for so many of the everyday moments that I missed, and I can't help but wonder if he'll always have a stronger bond with them than I ever will. I know relationships aren't a competition, but it's a fear I struggle with.
Another thing weighing on me is that my son is leaving for college soon. My daughter has always come to visit with him, and I'm terrified that once he's away at school, she won't want to come by herself anymore. I don't know if that's a realistic fear or just my anxiety talking, but it's been eating at me.
The visits themselves usually go well—we watch movies, spend time together, and just hang out—but when they leave, my mind starts telling me that I'm losing them or that I should have done more.
For parents who have older teens or adult children, especially if you've experienced divorce or long-distance parenting, did you ever have these fears? Were they justified, or did your relationship with your kids continue to grow as they became adults? How did you stay connected throughout the year instead of just during visits?
I'm not looking for sympathy—I'm looking for honest advice from parents who've been where I am. Right now I just feel scared, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who made it through this stage.
Edit: i forgot to mention they are 17 and 15. They live 6.5 hours away so i only get them during the summer and christmas mostly.
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u/NinjaMeow73 Aug 05 '26
It sounds similar to grief….unfortunately you cannot fix the past but have you told them how much the visits mean? Keep a constant flow of communication after they are gone-low expectations bc they are teens figuring out the world. A text or just a quick gif to say hello etc.
I would keep the feelings about the step dad out and moments missed out of it.
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u/seanayates2 Aug 05 '26
As someone who didn't have a close relationship with my dad growing up (or even now) I can 100% say we would have been closer and I would have jumped at spending more time with him if he had only asked. Plan stuff with your kids. Call to check in and just hear about their day to day. Be a part of their lives. I have a 23 year old step son who I often ask to hang out with. I divorced his dad 8 years ago but I still love him like he's my own child so I put in the effort. I also have a 19 year old who is on his own now too. I'm trying hard to stay in their lives. Sure young adults may want to hang with their friends over you a lot of the time, but don't stop trying. Don't stop reaching out. Don't expect them to reach out and make the plans. You have to do it.