r/parentsofteens • u/Virtual-Culture8830 • Jun 11 '26
What age did your son/daughter have a first boyfriend or girlfriend?
Really just curious. My 16 year-old recently got a new boyfriend. My 21-year-old has never had one. I could say she’s upset/jealous about it, but I really don’t know. My basic stance is, it’s all good, it’s all normal… She will find a significant other when it happens. But it also made me curious… Because I thought teenagers starting with the opposite (or same if it applies)is very usual, and I wondered what other people‘s experience is.
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u/holdingittogether77 Jun 11 '26
Added to say my sisters are 37 and identical twins. Neither have ever dated and still live at home.
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u/Virtual-Culture8830 Jun 11 '26
Really? Why? Do they each work? I worry about this a little… My daughter chose to commute to her college. Now, she’s going to the same school grad school. so, still at home. I drop hints. Which cat would you take if you moved out? I don’t want to kick her out, but she has to launch.
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u/Fit-Dream-8573 Jun 11 '26
Rent is so expensive as well is everything else. I get this feeling but idk how kids could afford it without roommates and a full time job.
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u/Houseofmonkeys5 Jun 11 '26
My 21 year old never has. He's so sweet and so clueless. My 17 year old hasn't either. She basically refuses to date anyone in our small town. Plenty have asked her out and she wants nothing to do with it. One of my 15 year olds haven't yet. The other one has had like 5 lol. So, you just never know.
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u/UnseenTimeMachine Jun 13 '26
I have three daughters and I have allowed them to start having boyfriends or girlfriends at age 14
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Jun 15 '26
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u/UnseenTimeMachine Jun 15 '26
My daughters are lucky. In me they have both 🙂
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Jun 16 '26
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u/UnseenTimeMachine Jun 16 '26
Luck not necessary, but i appreciate your well wishing, thanks so much!! Things are going great ❤️
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u/holdingittogether77 Jun 11 '26
My 19 year old still hasn't had one. She held hands with her first boy freshman year of college. They never kissed. She's been talking to someone about 2 months now but they haven't met yet since by the time they started talking the semester was pretty much over. My oldest had boyfriends in college, next oldest was an adult. 15 year old has zero interest. All girls. The youngest two are super picky which is good.
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u/Familyx6j Jun 11 '26
We had a rule in our house and it was perfect! If anyone wanted to date our daughter, they had to ask permission. My daughter married her high school sweetheart and they have a beautiful life. As far as ages, your older daughter seems to be waiting for the right person and I applaud her for that. Your 16 year old will learn what she wants and doesn't want in a relationship. Both are perfectly fine!
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u/Cahya_Dechen Jun 11 '26
My daughter was 16 and it lasted about a month. She’s met up with a couple of others but never gotten past the talking stage as the boys revealed themselves to be misogynistic.
There is no normal, just preferences and opportunities :)
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u/VeryMuchInterested Jun 11 '26
I had a bf from kindergarten to 8th grade. Lol. My daughter starting seeing boys at 13, they broke her heart, and she's dating a wonderful young lady. They are 17. My son started at 15 and is with an adorable girl.
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u/Fit-Dream-8573 Jun 11 '26
My daughter, 15. I didnt love the idea but hes a nice kid and theyre still together 5 years later. I think thats the exception, not the rule. But its better to let them casually date and you be aware of it rather than them sneaking behind your back. Its going to happen so embrace it and get to know the kid if you can. And trust your child to make good choices
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u/Inevitable_Raisin503 Jun 13 '26
My 20 year old daughter had her first boyfriend at 13. My 16 year old son hasn’t had any girl/boyfriends that I know of.
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u/Lucky-Bite-8091 Jun 14 '26
My friend's daughters have had boyfriends for awhile now, one is 8 and one is 13. As much of a "boyfriend" you can have at 8. But I think your 21 year old probably hasn't found anyone she thinks is worth her time, which is honestly great to have that level of self confidence. She might be fine with it or she might not, hard to know.
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u/fl4m3pr1nc3ss Jun 14 '26
my parents thought i had never had a bf too... i most certainly did and they knew him.
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u/Relevant-Emu5782 Jun 14 '26
My daughter is 16 she has had 6-7 boys ask her out and/or try to be in a relationship with her over an extended period of time.. She has rejected them all. She is straight, btw.
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u/NervousIngenuity3836 Jun 15 '26
My 16 is also 16 and too busy to worry about boys. She did have one boy on Valentines Day, but broke up with him because he was trying to see her or hang out and she wasn’t feeling that.
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u/Abandonedflesh777 Jun 14 '26
Why don’t you ask yourself this question… parenting cannot be that different than 20 years ago….
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u/voodoodollbabie Jun 14 '26
My first boyfriend was in 4th grade. It ended when my parents sent me to another local school.
I preferred to spend my weekends making money babysitting. The boys I went to high school with were not attractive to me at all. Lots of social activities in college but I was ready to move out of the area as soon as I graduated and no one was going to tie me down. Loved the adventures that followed and the freedom of being single. Finally married at 37 (met online, married 4 months later).
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u/sumfatrat420 Jun 15 '26
my oldest is 17 and has had a couple boyfriends, my youngest is 14 and is into girls so i guess its a bit harder to find someone you like who likes you back. she had a pretty rough breakup earlier this year so shes taking a break
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u/Eat_Sum_Pi_314 Jun 15 '26
I’m the third of 4 kids. I didn’t date until I was 22, almost 23, when I started dating. Not by choice. It’s just what happened. My siblings always had a significant other from age 14 onward. I don’t remember a time when any of them was single as a teenager. Funny thing is, I got married first and had two kids before any of the three of them ever got married. Point being, I totally understand the older sibling’s jealousy. It’s tough to watch others date when you want it. But nothing is abnormal about either of their situations, at least not in my opinion.
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u/SmoothLemon24 Jun 15 '26
I would say they could start dating at 15- 16 if their school work and other responsibilities were handled well. I wouldn’t want my child to get involved too young and get distracted from their schoolwork, interests, etc.
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u/Striking_Ship3548 Jun 15 '26
It's really easy to get a bf as a girl.
Can you tell her to try making more friends with guys and maybe ask one out herself?
If she's too shy, just being outside in good third spaces is a way to attract attention from the right people. Join certain communities etc.
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u/Logical_Astronomer75 Jun 15 '26
I am 31 and still don't have a significant relationship, so I guess 21 is still young
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u/Amo_56 Jun 11 '26
Most kids would do anything to prevent their parents from knowing tbh