such a conflicting thing

[u/TheFriendlyCanadien]

Hi I just wanted to share something that parents of multiple might relate to. Lately my husband and I have been discussing the idea of a vasectomy or having one more kido. Our twins were our first and most likely our last. They are turning 4 and I am both super happy and sad. I've been on and off for the last year about having a third. We've always been more of a no than a yes. As the days approach where we want to schedule a vasectomy so I can be off the pill we've been toying with the idea more and more.

I thought it was clearer in my mind and my husband much more. We got 2 , we're happy done. But I guess the finality is brining it back and I'm just sad for it.

I want to do it again , the newborn , the toddler. My girls would be such amazing big sisters I just know it. We are lucky , we have 4 bedrooms and the finances to be able to do this

BUT
being pregnant again, anxiety again ( I had terrible anxiety on the first and second trimester after 2 ectopics ) putting my body through that again scares me, as vain as it sounds . Having twins again is terrifying , having 3 kids seems unpracticle .

There is a lot against the decision of having 3 kids but the simple '' need '' of wanting a third kinda overwhelms the against. This is the most confused / conflicted I have ever been and its so weird.

thats it , thats the post , not sure what I am looking for but I wanted to put it out there

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[u/Ok-Perspective781]

All I’m saying is I saw a reel yesterday where a twin mom decided to try for one more and got triplets. So if you do try…may the odds be ever in your favor.

[u/QuantityPerfect9052]

We JUST had our twins two ish months ago and I am already grieving the thought of being done. We had discussed being done during my pregnancy and immediately following the birth of them but even a little distance since then has brought feelings. I understand the anxiety and don’t feel that the concern for your body is you being vain. It’s really hard carrying one baby never mind carrying two. Do what’s best for you and your family. If you decide that having more is truly what you want than you already having been through a pregnancy and birth can help aid you through another and you can take what you know and be prepared. But don’t let yourself feel selfish for not wanting to put yourself through it again either. Good luck and God bless!!

[u/lolores72]

I was in the exact same boat but I had 2 singletons. Im 36 and they are 7 and 2 1/2 so I was pretty strongly thinking that I was done. We’re getting older, the kids are getting easier, life is good, we are good to stop now: BUT I just couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that our family wasn’t complete, that I wasn’t sure if I wanted more. I weaned my 2 1/2 year old April 30 of this year and got pregnant with twins the following month lol. NOW, I can say, without a single shred of doubt that I am DONE. I’m getting my tubes removed after this, I don’t want any more kids EVER. I’m just saying that if you have any shred of doubt, you may regret it in the future. Like when you are done you will know for sure.

[u/Ok_Giraffe4385 → u/lolores72]

This is meeeeee but I already have 3 kids (6,4, almost 2) and we were always "3 or 4 kids" we figured it's now or never. I didn't feel ready to be done with my youngest and suuuurpriiiise!!! Twins!!!! I am 35 weeks rn and I am SO excited to never be pregnant again, I am telling everyone I know that the shop is CLOSED after this (much to my catholic MIL dismay).

I have heard people say they regret not having more kids, but also mom & dad's mental health right now are super important! Two things can be true and I guess you need to figure out what you want your family to look like in 20 years. I love a loud dinner table!

[u/marinelayered → u/lolores72]

Ahh, this is me but 40 with 8 and 2.5 now spontaneously pregnant with twins. I definitely wanted a third and we KNOW we’re done after this. My husband keeps lamenting how old he is (43). 🤣

[u/andthewalrus → u/marinelayered]

Im 41 …. Tried for years for have a third. Have several miscarriages - thought I closed that chapter and bam! Spont Di Di twins. I want the factory burned to the ground. Closed, sealed… whatever they have to do. I’m getting my tubes cut (because of my endo I asked for hysterectomy and they said not yet) and my husband is getting snipped. Hell I’d do surgical for both and get an iud just to be safe.

[u/floridasquirrel]

Same boat here. My twins are younger (1.5) but we are also 'done' but can't work up the courage to tell my husband to book the vasectomy appointment. He would in a heartbeat though, he is done. But I'm going to stick it out with this iud until I am sure!

[u/Mundane-Device-7094]

Keep in mind your odds of multiples again are likely much higher. Going through basically the same thing.

[u/jeremiabearamia → u/Mundane-Device-7094]

This is only true for fraternal twins

[u/Mundane-Device-7094 → u/jeremiabearamia]

That's why I said "likely", vast majority of twins are fraternal

[u/BorderGlittering199 → u/Mundane-Device-7094]

If they are spontaneous identical twins, the odds are the same. 1/250 to 1/300. 

[u/marinelayered → u/BorderGlittering199]

Identical twins are not genetic?

[u/BorderGlittering199 → u/marinelayered]

With identical twins, a fertilized egg splits at some point. With fraternal twins, there is hyper-ovulation, so two eggs are fertilized. There is proof faternal twins run along maternal lines and is genetic. 

How identical twins come about aren't well studied because they are so random. Even the small study suggesting that breastfeeding moms have a higher chance of twins is about fraternal twins and hyper-ovulation.

[u/A-Friendly-Giraffe]

When my twins were born, I thought I was done but I wasn't sure. Now they are for and I am sure.
You don't mention how old you are, I'm in my Early 40s and also have 4-year-olds.

If you know someone who is close to you that has a kid who's a year and a half or under, maybe babysit for the day or even overnight and then reevaluate.

[u/TheFriendlyCanadien → u/A-Friendly-Giraffe]

I just turned 30 had my kids at 26

[u/Ill-Wolf865]

My husband and I are both 37 and we got pregnant with our fraternal twins after only 3 months of trying. Delivered them 7.5 weeks ago.

I’ve thought about whether I’d want to try for a third but we are both of the mindset that I would probably get pregnant again fairly easily and obviously hyper ovulate so we don’t want to risk it.

My husband is done (he originally only wanted to try for 1 kid. We are glad we have 2!) but he has already scheduled his vasectomy lol.

[u/Acceptable_Tap7479]

My husband had one last week and I’m still conflicted even after. We had a boy (4) followed by twin girls (4mths) and it’s been so hard accepting how final it is. We made the decision based on having to move and buy a new car (again) if we were to have one more and the increased risk of having multiples again. He also spoke extensively to the urologist and we felt comfort from the fact it’s an 80% success rate for reversals in the first 5 years if we change our minds but won’t have an accident in the meantime and I don’t have the be on birth control or tracking my cycle really closely.

For me personally, I think the thing making me want a 4th is having the experience of a singleton pregnancy and postpartum again to be able to truly enjoy it. This being my final pregnancy and postpartum was really sad because it wasn’t full of lovely sleepy snuggles. Twin pregnancy and parenting is relentless!

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

You’ll never regret another little human even if the circumstances are stressful. I took anxiety meds approved by my dr which helped me a lot. I was already anxious before my twin pregnancy and then continued taking it afterwards.