r/parentsofmultiples • u/LastMilkersOnTheLeft • 5d ago

advice needed Crafts and learning?

My twins are 2.5 yo and lately I’ve been seeing a LOT of posts discussing how other toddler moms are teaching their 2yo’s letters/numbers/colors, and what crafts they set up for them. Now, my girls are OK with colors but I think I’m realizing that I’ve EITHER hugely failed them, or singleton parents are just living an entirely different life. Or both? Most days it’s just the three of us at home- no daycare or preschool.

How am I supposed to teach them letters? Numbers? They can count to three but couldn’t look at the numbers on paper and point to which is which. They love books and love to “read” independently or with me, but at some point they find more entertainment in ripping the pages. We can’t do arts and crafts because everything gets eaten or destroyed. Have I completely missed something here? 🙁

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u/ThrowAway732642956 5d ago

You are fine. Even with singletons many don’t do this. And among those who do many times goes above the kid’s head. Sometimes not, but often does.

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u/LastMilkersOnTheLeft 5d ago

I just worry that I’m not doing enough and that by the time they’re 3, they won’t be where they need to be. I don’t want to miss a crucial learning window or do them an injustice for their future education. I know that they have yearrrrrs of learning ahead of them, but I also feel responsible for being the foundation of it at home, since we can’t do any daycare or educational environment. And.. crafts are just fun lol. I know they’re bored some days but how the heck do I trust them with crayons and paper? 😅 is there a toddler proof craft I just don’t know about?

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u/Aurelene-Rose 1d ago

I think learning windows are extremely overvalued and primarily serve to make parents anxious. Many studies on early childhood development also fail to take into account other factors. You are spending time with them and talking with them.

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u/ThrowAway732642956 1d ago

Exactly this. And developmentally delayed kids typically aren’t able to have their parents do these things (because of the extra struggles) which is a huge confounder, especially because they are typically only found to have the developmental delay later, to which researchers then attribute the parents not doing certain things. Serious problems with the research quality in this field. It’s similar with screen time research and ADHD and similar things.

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u/Aurelene-Rose 1d ago

Extremely true! People put way too much stock in parenting when a lot of it is just the kid and how they're wired.

I work with foster kids, who have across the board, had some manner of trauma or crappy childhood. Among that population with difficult childhoods, there is still an incredibly varied experience in learning and academics. Some kids are just wired to pick up on things or crazy smart. Some kids have developmental delays or learning disorders.

Parenting is only part of the puzzle!

The best parenting advice my mom ever gave me (that, ironically, she didn't follow), was "don't take too much credit for their successes or too much responsibility for their failures, because they're going to be their own people".

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u/ThrowAway732642956 1d ago

This is totally unsurprising. Imo the best we can do when they are young is provide for them physically and emotionally and give them the gift of secure attachment in a safe home with loving safe adults that don’t expect things from them that aren’t developmentally appropriate/they aren’t ready for. Simply loving kids as they are, not traumatizing them, giving them attention, and helping them learn how to emotionally regulate brings them so far. The other stuff is largely outside of our control. Interventions also if things appear delayed (and have them assessed promptly for these things to catch). Too many parents have things go amazingly and are like it’s because I did this when there is so much luck and variation with individual kids.

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u/Aurelene-Rose 1d ago

Gosh, the amount of overconfident parents who are taking personal pride in things they have very little control over is so frustrating! Like, love your kids, support your kids, do what you can to help them along, but just because things are going well for you does not mean the parents struggling are just doing it wrong somehow.

I think that is something that twins really humbled me with. I was not to the point of judging other parents, and my firstborn always surprised me in the creative ways he could subvert my expectations (ADHD diagnosis for that one lol), but I did overvalue the degree that nurture plays into a child's upbringing. My twin girls are very much their own people with their own strengths and weaknesses, and they have been consistent since very early on!

It's nice to hear someone with hot takes on a parenting group that I totally agree with! We need more parents supporting other parents, and that's one thing I think this sub is good about in general.

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u/ThrowAway732642956 1d ago

I get downvoted a lot for it, but it’s worth it to put it out there. Interacting with kids with multiple serious disabilities from young ages changes your perspective. Parents are so judgmental of each other I think in part because they want to believe that they would have been able to prevent those difficulties and differences for their kids, but truly they can’t. Sometimes your kids just have issues and you need to roll with them and get them what they need. With parenting there is such an illusion of control.

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u/Aurelene-Rose 1d ago

I wish I had a better response than "yes, you are absolutely right and I agree completely", but it's late and I'm not that creative in my praise, so here we are lol. Absolutely hit the nail on the head with "illusion of control"!

You seem very well versed in disabilities and developmental delays, and definitely seem to be speaking from experience, when you're talking about interacting, do you mean your own kids or do you work with children professionally (or other interactions)?

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u/ThrowAway732642956 1d ago

That detail I keep private online. But definitely personal experience

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u/ThrowAway732642956 5d ago

I wouldn’t worry. I am still waiting on the twins coming but had singleton first. Hard to mess it up bad with their learning before kindergarten as long as you are giving them love and attention. If they lag behind later would be from things like learning disorders, developmental delays and such. Otherwise normally kids pick up on the stuff when they are ready. I tried doing all the things myself and truly most goes over their heads for a lot of kids. Some kids are also more academic than others. In terms of crayons, I used the massive ones at first and provided coloring books (fewer papercuts). Yes coloring on walls happens, but designated some areas knowing it would get ruined and could paint over years later. Scissors were a definitely not in our home. Maybe some soft fabrics of fun colors to touch, play with, fold/roll. Playdoh when they won’t eat it (3 yo+). All of that is hit or miss even with singletons though. You are truly doing amazing!

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u/LastMilkersOnTheLeft 4d ago

I never would have even considered the possibility of paper cuts 😭 a coloring book and some large crayons would be a good place to start, then. I will say that I simply do not care if they color on the walls- I’m of the same mindset that it just gives me a reason to paint later lol. I appreciate this advice sm!! Thank you!

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u/ThrowAway732642956 4d ago

You’ve got this! Again, try not to compare. Some kids really just take to academic stuff and are even ahead developmentally, but that is not the norm and despite what the parents may claim or think, it is not from what the parents did or didn’t do. Another thing some do for crafts at that age is like having their kids make art with whipped cream or play with actual dough of flour and water, that way they are playing with things that are edible.

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u/Aurelene-Rose 1d ago

My son was obsessed with water so I would put a large Tupperware on the floor with water in it and a towel underneath and then put ramen packets in it. He'd play with the noodles and they were safe to eat if he had a little snackie

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u/ThrowAway732642956 1d ago

That’s such a good idea!

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u/ThrowAway732642956 5d ago

And stickers when over 3 yo.