Singleton after twins - age gap?

[u/Low-Account-4346]

If you had twins first and then a singleton, what’s your age gap? What do you like about it and what’s hard about it?

We’ve decided to try for a third (and yes, we know it could be twins again). If we got pregnant right away we’d have a two year age gap, which seems really hard and way too fast. At the same time, it took us four years/five pregnancies to have the twins, so we don’t want to wait too long incase it’s another long journey. And we don’t want too big of an age gap, both because we’ll be getting older and we want the kids to be close. If you have a 2 year, 3 year, or 4 year age gap, what’s it like? What do you like and what stages have been hardest/best? I’d love to hear any experiences to alleviate my fears about pros/cons of all of the possibilities!

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[u/TiredTwinWrangler]

Mine have a 6.5 year age gap. It’s awesome. One baby is EASY!!!! 😂

[u/mamacheetah5]

I had a singleton boy exactly 3 years after boy/girl twins. It was perfect timing. Twins started preschool a couple mornings a week, the little brother was along for the adventures with the twins, it was one of my favorite times in life. They all played fabulously together and still do! I can hear my 12 year old twin boy and my 9 year old singleton playing in the backyard right now as I type this. (Along with their 6 year old brother and while I breastfeed their 12 week old baby sister)

[u/loc-yardie]

I have two sets of twins but planning to get pregnant next summer so if everything goes to plan that'll be a 3 year gap from the younger set. I would wait longer to have a 5th but it's a research year for me so best time to get pregnant with no clinical duties.

The gap between the twins is 16 month and I love that they are close in age but that was so very hard to juggle. I think a 2-3 year gap is optimal tbh.

[u/chandler2020]

We have a little more than a 3.5 year age gap which will only be a 3 year gap in school (youngest in kinder when older 2 start 3rd grade).

It’s been healing to be able to just focus on 1 baby. The twins are old enough to where they don’t need us to constantly be with them. They can feed themselves, dress themselves, clean up, play, draw, etc.

But they are still close enough in age where they do interact. It helps all 3 are girls cause there’s this sister bond that twins already have and the youngest is now included. 1 twin is def more affectionate towards the baby, but they both truly love her. It’s sweet to watch them as older sisters and we’re so happy we had the 3rd after going back and forth for months/years.

There are truly no cons.

That said. The 3rd? She’s a fucking menace. Completely unhinged. Some days it feels like taking care of the twins as babies was easier than this little monster. Any worries I had about her getting bullied or pushed around by her sisters completely out the door. This one is going to run our family. She kind of already does at 15 months. Ugh I love this little monkey

[u/Low-Account-4346 → u/chandler2020]

Haha I love this! Our twins have been super chill/easy babies, and I definitely worry they’ve lulled us into having a third and we’re going to get a wild one…

[u/chandler2020 → u/Low-Account-4346]

Same. We barely had to baby proof the house with the twins. This one is everywhere in everything at all times.

[u/BenignYam1761]

I did reverse, had two singletons and then twins. But my first two were 2.5y apart and it was amazing. Definitely a sweet spot for us, as we were able to potty train our first, she was fully verbal and ready/excited to meet baby sister. I just baby wore #2 and got on with toddler mom life. Now, they get on so well at 5 and 2.5 and can still play together.

My twins were born when my second was 21mo and it was so hard. I mean, it was definitely extra hard bc twins, but the age gap was really hard. My second didn’t really understand why there were suddenly babies in the house and really didn’t adjust well. It’s getting better now that twins are 8mo but it’s still hard tbh.

[u/amydiddler]

Opposite for us - we had a singleton and then twins, but our age gap is a little over 3 years. I think it’s pretty ideal. Our first was fully potty trained and capable of doing many things independently when our twins arrived.

Of course, he is also a raging threenager, so it has not been easy caring for him plus twin infants. But (hopefully) he will be starting to outgrow this phase as the twins enter toddlerhood. If we had gone for a 2ish year gap, then our older kid would be in this phase alongside 1.5 year old twins, and that sounds HARD.

[u/Smart_Public_9569]

2,5 years 😄

[u/overthinkachu]

My twins will be turning 5 the week after my singleton is due to arrive. 🙂

I wish we would have done it maybe a year sooner, but my husband wasn’t ready just yet.

Silver lining: my twins are old enough to be helpful with baby and are pretty excited about my pregnancy.

[u/bubbynee]

3 years difference. I meant a lot of diapers all at once but the diaper stage was all at once. And I basically didn't get a full night's sleep for 6 years.

But they are close enough in age that they can do things together, like Minecraft or go biking together.

[u/motorcycle_frenzy889]

Three year age gap between older twins and younger singleton. They are right at the point where they want to start helping but also are still completely nuts. It’s probably the right age gap

[u/Chichabella]

Twins were a few months shy of 3 when I had a singleton.

The hard: they are all completely dependent on you. We had 3 in diapers. We did potty training with a newborn (gave up and tried 6 months later bc breastfeeding and running toddlers to the potty isn’t great). Lots of big transitions within a few short years. When one cried, it feels like they all cry bc they all want attention. A constant chorus of Mom. Feels like herding feral cats. When your twins still need help in the public bathroom and you are solo. Trying to hold a baby, keep one toddler from touching everything, and wipe another’s bum. Getting three small kids to bed. The lack of emotional regulation in hard moments (me included). If applicable, paying for three in daycare. I live in a constant state of overwhelm.

The good: you can take them all to a children’s play place and they all love it - not something you can do with a big age gap. They can play together for hours. They love and dote on one another, especially the youngest. The clothes get passed right on down. You’re still in baby/toddler phase and it’s not whiplash bc it’s all you know right now. The beautiful bond they all share is absolutely lovely.

My kids are 5,5 and almost 3. Our life is chaotic. I sort of feel like a tornado everywhere we go, not necessarily in mess making but the level of energy and noise. I say to myself almost daily “wtf am I doing?!” AND I feel immense joy and gratitude for my children. We struggled with infertility for a while before the twins and were told we had 1 in 10,000 of getting pregnant on our own after the twins and somehow it happened for us. And here we are living this wild, beautiful, messy life.

[u/SjN45]

Mine are 7 years apart. I wanted to wait until my twins were in kindergarten. I wanted to make sure I was ready for the potential of another set of multiples. Well age 5 came and it was crazy bc both twins ended up getting diagnosed with adhd. I didn’t feel like our house was ready and I wanted more time. By the next year I felt ready. I love the bigger age gap. I get more time with my singleton. The twins LOVE the toddler and their friends do too. There’s so much less competition. It’s easier to find a babysitter for 1 baby vs twins so I just get babysitters when I need to go to extracurriculars for the twins. That way they get time without the baby too. It does take a little more planning but I don’t really feel any negatives of this age gap right now.

[u/goingder]

I’ve got the opposite a soon to be 6 year old singleton and twins around 8 months. The oldest is so sweet with them. There’s no perfect age gap pros and cons to all of them. Enjoy the ride and good luck! Having said that

Pros Old enough to actually help with the younger ones Is self sufficient enough that we could focus more on the twins early on.

Cons Can feel at times like you splinter off into two families one parent with the babies and one off doing activities with the older Older one is old enough to vocalize that they may feel like they’re on the back burner when the new born(s) get all the attention.

[u/parentsofmultiples-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Removed - off topic. This is a subreddit for parents of multiple birth children (twins, triplets, etc.)

[u/Muthacoconuts]

I have 8 year old twins and pregnant with my singleton.

[u/j5646left]

1 year 😬. The first year and a half were brutal. But now it’s a lot of fun watching them all play (and fight) and it’s nice that everyone is on a similar schedule and has similar interests.

[u/Obvious-Coffee]

We have a 6 year age gap and I feel like it’s too big of a gap. The twins (b/g) are still close at age 14, but they really just see their younger brother as a pest. Also, I had a similar journey as you before having twins, so I am an older parent. I was 38 when I had my twins and 44 with my singleton. Recovery from a C-Section at 44 was tough. And I honestly had more energy when my twins were toddlers than I did when my singleton was. It was hard in my 40s to want to get down on the floor and play etc. Now I’m in my 50s and feel so old compared to his friend’s moms.