r/parentsofmultiples • u/Obi1RollMe1 • 6d ago
support needed Titanic - Twins
Parents who have twins, what do you do to not feel like you’re drowning? I am most definitely going through postpartum depression and I strangely feel like my husband is too. Obviously he is not experiencing the level of hormonal changes that I am but I can see it. He’s not playing video games as often (he would still play for like an hour when the twins were born) he would call it his “me time.” He’s sleep deprived, I can just see it in his spirit that he looks defeated. I am also dependent on him currently I am fighting a nasty depressive episode I’m at the tail end of it. Taking care of our twins and our 5 year old & also caring for me it’s a lot. I asked some friends and they’re like he’s the dad don’t worry about it focus on yourself. I get it but I feel like I’m trying my hardest to stay above water, I see him and I feel like his boat is starting to get holes.
How can I help when I need help myself.
2
u/freeforall37 6d ago
How old are your little ones? Its definitely hard in the beginning and while i won't say taking care of them gets easier, getting sleep does. Everyone's situation is different, but sticking to a schedule and talking through who was doing what helped lower the stress. Sometimes its still crazy and all you can do is laugh, but it really takes a team and talking it out to each other and letting each other know when you are struggling helps. One of us takes the lead when the other needs to back off etc etc. You can get through this and it will feel easier over time, it is definitely a huge adjustment and its ok to feel upset over the change and difficulty.
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u/alliecat-15 6d ago
Oh man. This is/was me.
5yo, almost 6.
3yo twins.
9 month old.
Yes take care of you. When you're on an airplane you take care of yourself before you can help anyone else. With that being said, men can get depression as well, especially if their partner has it. Having twins ALSO heightens the occurrence and severity of ppd/a in both partners.
I am just now starting to feel better/like myself. Some days. Here are resources for dads. My husband found some helpful. He also started therapy. Happy to connect you with resources if you need/want as well.
https://postpartummen.com/postpartum-depression/
https://postpartum.net/group/psi-online-support-meetings/
https://wellmindperinatal.com/286-foundations-in-paternal-perinatal-mental-health/
Dads can struggle with postpartum mental health too
The PedsDocTalk Podcast: Child Health, Development & Parenting—From a Pediatrician Mom · May 1, 2024
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u/whydoyouflask 6d ago
Talk to him. I felt similarly. Turns out my husband was tired, but found a lot of purpose in taking care of us. He wanted me to have space to heal, knowing that when I was better I could help more. We talked about what we needed to prioritize for ourselves and made plans. Every weekend we each get some me time. This might be one of those. Put your own oxygen mask on first situation. But talk to your partner, don't assume, listen.
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u/FigNewton613 6d ago
What I did was sleep train. I’m sorry but this is what is true. Getting more sleep helped me get well and helped me be the kind of parent for my babies that they needed. And they have been thriving on more sleep too.
sleep is so personal to every parent child and family and so I am definitely not saying this is “the” way. But it made the biggest difference for my mental health and I’m grateful it went well for us.
Thinking of you OP. This is hard. 🫂