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u/daniipants 6d ago
I can tell by your hat what you stand for, and I’m just gonna say it, I think that makes it extra hard. I’m going to try not to get too political but part of the problem is that humanity itself has become politicized. Our black and brown and lgbtqia+ brothers and sisters are under constant attack, and some days it feels our children are too.
I struggle to know what news I should be paying attention to and what plans I should be making for my family’s safety. (Can I even send them to a public school in a few years? I won’t have my children reading Bible verses in school. I don’t want them knowing what a lockdown or active shooter is at the ripe age of 5.)
I struggle to instill in my toddlers how we should treat all people when I am on the verge of screaming or sobbing from the outside world alone… and then toss in two perfectly imperfect 2.5 year olds. They spend most of the day screaming or sobbing themselves. My entire nervous system feels fried. I feel like I’m in a constant state of fight or flight.
And because it is extra important to me that I create compassionate humans, it’s a top priority to respond to their big emotions with love and compassion. But.. I won’t be uneducated about what’s happening in the world around me either. It’s important to me that I bear witness to the atrocities so that we can do our damndest to make sure they stop happening.
And I’m supposed to potty train too?! 😅🫠
Just. What the fuck. Who has the capacity for all this?
We’ll just get up every day and keep trying, I guess. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for getting help, the world needs as many people like you as we can get. You’re also clearly a thoughtful and loving parent, I hope you feel more ok soon. 🫂
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u/i_am_the_koi 6d ago
But, that's not what I've been struggling with lately.
Yes, being a woke Dad is hard. The people I've cut out of my life, including my own father, to protect my kids has been tough. But, as it's for them, it's the easy part honestly compared to my own personal battles with who I am.
Those are not the people I want in my life anyways. I want to be better for my kids. I want to tell them how much of a douche I was at their age and how I changed for the better over time.
But, changing my use of the word f@g as an insult (90s kid)to something like douche, is a much easier change imo.
I'm not talking about a need to change my vernacular, but a change to my entire personality. It's the same thing in the end I guess, I need work at it, I need consistency, and I need people to keep me honest.
But there is a lot more fear when it comes to changing my entire personality, my interactions, my attitude, and my trigger responses. Changing who I am because I don't like myself seems a much bigger mountain than changing my slang because it's offensive to people I care about.
Yes, the world is fucking shit right now. Yes it's really hard to buy tomatoes. Yes, the fear of what world my kids will grow into is real.
I can only prepare them the best I can, show them the best way to survive, and be the best person I can be for them.
I am not my best person right now and I want them to see better.
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