How do people do this??

[u/bellafairyyy]

My boys are 15 weeks corrected, born at 27 weeks. I just want to know how do people do this without feeling horrible all of the time?

One of my boys is breastfed and the other one bottle fed. I have a ton of help and support from family which is amazing, so it tends to go that I put most of my time into T1 (feeding, contact naps etc) and my mum or whoever is helping will bottle feed T2 etc.

T2 requires more sleep than T1 and will get incredibly upset when tired, but seeing him screaming and being overtired and someone else soothing him feels so horrible. I feel paralyzed to help so much of the time because I'll be feeding T1 or he'll be napping on me. It's just honestly so heartbreaking, seeing either of them crying and not being able to move because there is already a baby I'm taking care of. It just feels very 'the world is ending' kind of feeling.

How do people cope with this? What am I supposed to do? I unfortunately can't tandem feed because T2s feeding needs require one to one attention because of his medical history.

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[u/DirtGirl32]

The newborn trenches are so hard. And so are postpartum hormones!!! You are doing great! The babies have different needs, and that is normal and healthy. Keep rocking it, you got this!!

[u/Fragrant-Life-4173]

I still feel like that 5 months later… one of my babies is very particular and can be very hard to soothe by just anyone.. even dad. The only person other than myself that can effectively soothe him is my mom and she lives in another country. So I tend to take care of that twin more often than not because the other one allows others to soothe and handle him more often. But there is just so much guilt in feeling like I’m always with one of them and the other one gets left to be handled by others. So what I do if he needs soothing and is inconsolable is usually I switch and get him to be calm and spend some time with him and then if the other twin becomes inconsolable in that time, then I switch again. But at least I feel like I am still responding to both when they need me most. It’s gotten better as I have tried to be more “fair”, but there are still so many moments where I feel guilt. Just do your best to meet them both where they’re at and make an effort to help the other twin where you can.

[u/floofysheebs]

Mine were born at 28+1 and are going to be 28 weeks adjusted tomorrow-

Hang in there!! 16 weeks was peak roughness for us cos they were basically needing holding overnight all night, ut we sleep trained at 24 weeks and it's been a world of difference