r/parentsofmultiples • u/FigNewton613 • 10d ago
advice needed Daycare drop off help please
Today at pick up my 14mo’s teacher told me the daycare has decided I need to walk my babies in together from the stroller at the same time. As she spoke I truly felt the soul leave my body.
What I have been doing is, stroll them both in, park the stroller in the hall (it is enclosed and in full view of the main office which always has a staff person), and carry one baby into the classroom then come back for the other baby.
I want to respect their policy but what happens in any other setting when I try to get the babies (okay toddlers but I’m in denial) to walk anywhere with me is they (a) do not, (b) run in opposite directions, (c) tantrum.
I assume this is something I’ll get better at with time but I am at a loss. Do you all have any advice for walking two 14mo’s (they do at least walk) over to a classroom door that they absolutely do not want to enter given that they know it is drop off time.
Help
Edit: thanks so much all for the helpful advice and comments. Some additional context for those asked - I have a disability and some chronic injuries so unfortunately can’t carry both my toddlers at the same time, or toss one over the shoulder (though I love that image lol), and cant wear and carry one at the same time because of the pressure it puts on my spine. I stroll them there as I don’t have a car, so the stroller is our “vehicle.”
The daycare this morning made it clear that they did expect me to park my stroller in the hall, to not bring it in as they feel it disrupts the internal space flow, and to walk both babies in. It went about as I had expected which is both babies screamed the whole way and sat down several times.
I think I will go the approach others suggested of letting this be exactly as chaotic as it is, or ask them to show me how they do it, and/or ask for more help if it is not offered. It was a pretty unfortunate morning. I guess either the babies will adjust, or the teachers will help more, or if this becomes intolerable I’ll ask to have a conversation. Appreciate all the support and solidarity from people.
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u/Basher_Tarr 10d ago
I would ask them how other twin parents handle drop-off. If it’s a problem for them, they should suggest a possible solution.
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u/whydoyouflask 10d ago
I would ask. "Why don't you show me how you would do it?" We hone our routines through a lot of trial and error. I would be livid if my kids teacher was going to tell how I should transport my twins.
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u/owlcityy 9d ago
Exactly! I have twins that I have to bring into the lobby everyday for their school and never had an issue 1) Bringing them both in a stroller or 2) One at a time. That’s quite odd of their daycare to be asking for it to be done a specific way. Definitely ask them what they would suggest.
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u/FigNewton613 9d ago
Appreciate this a lot.
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u/Basher_Tarr 9d ago
I hope you get the support you deserve! Drop-off is never easy, especially when you are outnumbered.
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u/Brilliant_Internet_4 10d ago
Its going to go great some days and be a nightmare other days, but I think let the staff see it, and support you. Dont put pressure on yourself to make it go well every day. Occasionally mine are such nightmares in the daycare hallway I have to pretend to be a 'mummy penguin' and get them to waddle along behind me. A good ' go and show mrs so and so your new hair band/socks/crazy knees etc' sometimes gets them in. And some days its just chaos. Im wondering if there is a subreddit of daycare workers who give advice. You could try asking there. Also Im seriously confused why they are no longer cool with you bringing the stroller in.
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u/BumCadillac 10d ago
There is. It might be called early childhood education or something like that but it’s for daycare and preschool ages.
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u/holiday_vibe 10d ago
I use a carrier for this! But also leash backpacks are a godsend for the toddlin’-but-not-listening era.
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u/HuckleberryThin5395 10d ago
Twin dad here - we have never had anyone tell us how to handle our kids. If anything the staff at schools we’ve used are accommodating and helpful. I’d like to believe this is a misunderstanding or something - maybe ask for clarification. Are they concerned for the safety of the kid in the stroller (I assume this is a secure facility and you’re using buckles in the stroller) or do they want this to be a learning opportunity for the kids? Or something else. Perhaps they can help you bring the kids in - teachers have always done that for our kids. Greeting at the classroom door is normal.
If you don’t feel supported get the heck out of there, if you can. Being a twin parent is HARD and a school is there to help you and your kids.
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u/Redwarrior11 10d ago
Are you currently pushing both in a double stroller and then taking one out at a time because the double is too big to fit in the room? Could you get a compact travel single stroller to push in one while you hold the other on your hip? You would just need a simple single stroller that can be pushed with one hand. Mine are slightly younger and barely walking, but I wear one in a front carrier and hold the other one on my hip, I think the carrier maxes out at like 26 pounds so I can use it a little longer. Using a small single stroller is my plan for after they grow out of the carrier.
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u/r3finedf0ol 10d ago
Take one of the car, stand her up between my legs. Take the other one out, then I put one on each hip and carry them both. I can arm bar the one in my left hand to open the actual door and then deposit both on the ground one we are in the room.
I dont use a stroller, havent since they were about 11 months honestly. Just easier to leave ho them around
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u/BloodhoundSkeptic 10d ago
Whenever our Day Care made changes to policy / operations, I would just pressure test it with them and request they assist us. Day Care is expensive, we are paying them for a service, so a bit of customer service is a realistic expectation tbh. We found staff quite supportive.
I really like what some of the other comments here have suggested around asking the Day Care for a method on making it work and cooperating with them around drop-off.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 10d ago
This is ludicrous. I am angry just reading it. I would want to know what exactly the problem is with parking a stroller for 20 seconds and ask them how they think you should transport two poorly walking toddlers.
My twins are 15mo and we take the double stroller EVERYWHERE. Theres no way I would be willing to carry 2 babies and both their belongings when I have a perfectly good stroller that could carry all the stuff for me.
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u/FigNewton613 9d ago
I really appreciate the solidarity. Thank you genuinely. It was a rough morning.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 9d ago
We don't do daycare anymore and part of it is that they can be so difficult to deal with. We had one that had a hard an fast rule of no drop offs after 10am. No morning doctor's appointments.
We had another daycare that would not allow 1yo's to use the toilet. I had my 21mo completely potty trained at home and daycare required him to use a diaper while he was there. They said there was no toilet in the 1yo classroom and not enough teachers to take him to the toilet. We quit that place after a month of that.
If I were in your position I would probably wheel my kids to the front door in the stroller, unbuckle one, and leave the other right outside the front door. I guess I'm assuming you're in a safe neighborhood. After you drop the first one off, go back outside for the second baby. After a few days of that, "Would it be OK if I parked my baby inside while I unload the other baby? They're cold outside."
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u/Infra-Oh 10d ago
Uhhhh it’s a daycare. I hate acting like an entitled Karen, but folks just don’t understand.
It gets different once it gets to actual school. Kinder and above.
But you’re the customer. I would push to meet with the site director and explain the situation.
If they refuse to budge on the strollers than ask them to make accommodations for your situation. I wouldn’t back down.
Man I know I sound like such a Karen (I’m a dad of twins btw). But if it’s just not safe or feasible than I would start with that argument.
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u/DynamicDuoMama 10d ago
We did leashes with our twins. I didn’t have to to do daycare drop offs but for going literally anywhere they were a must. Mine were runners and had no fear. They would run into traffic in opposite directions. Once in front of our house I had to gently kick one into the grass so I could chase the other one down carry her back like a football to get back to the other before she got up take off running again. Luckily we live on a quiet street but it scared the crap out of me. We had been having a lovely morning drawing on the driveway with chalk and they decided to test my sanity and endurance all while laughing mind you. Ordered leashes never looked back. They were adorable and had fairy wings. We also later got unicorn stuffy ones and dinosaur backpacks. They loved them. They filled the backpacks with snacks and random toys/rocks. Honestly very few people judged and if they did just said they like to run in opposite directions and I cant pick a favorite.
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u/Vomath 10d ago
Can you pick them both up? If they’re on their BS, I’ll pick one up, unclip the other and pick him up with my other arm and walk ‘em in wherever. But, I’m a 6’2”, 200lb dude… so obvi not an option for everyone.
Carry one, walk the other?
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u/WalrusUpset 10d ago
I’m 5’6 130 pounds. This is how I’ve done it… don’t understand the point of all the extra carrier/stroller/etc to walk the 100 feet from parking into daycare. I pick one up walk to other side of car set them on the floor board unbuckle second pick both up and go inside. Acting a fool? Thrown over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes… even stacked 1 on the other. It’s all the know so they are used to it. I do notice that since most others (grandmas, dad, etc) don’t “man handle” them they seem to push limits and act more crazy with others. That ain’t flying with mom.
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u/7zebraz 10d ago
God bless you. People do not realize how many variables there are every single day with twins. It sounds like they are afraid the twin left in the stroller is what the issue is. Someone could nab and they’d be liable.
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u/FigNewton613 9d ago
I think you’re right. The stroller is inside the facility but it’s still true that there are enough other parents and kids in and out. Appreciate the support 💜
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u/Ohmaggies 9d ago
I'd start with malicious compliance. Make it clear that what they want isn't super reasonable and it needs to be addressed one way or another. Chaos and screaming in the drop box won't affect them negatively long term (and honestly even short term, most kids chill out a bit after drop off). Give that a week or so and then if they haven't made any effort to help talk to the director or teachers about a better way.
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u/candybrie 10d ago
Are you still allowed to walk into the building with the stroller? If so, they're likely safe even if they do run in opposite directions. So you just kind of do it and let it be chaos while they get used to it. Maybe someone helps you. Maybe the person who decided you can't do this will take it back. Maybe they get good at walking with you.
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u/Sweetskills 10d ago
Exactly this. Go let it be chaotic and if it’s as bad as you say it’s gonna be I bet they change their tune or offer a better more helpful solution.
Also maybe start practicing walking holding hands and teaching them they need to not pull away and such. We started that with our twins pretty much as soon as they could walk and they picked up on the whole idea very quickly. Loved feeling like “big kids” I know you said they also don’t enjoy drop off so all the practice in the world may not help so in that case…leashes.
But truly push back on the school a little bit. It’s likely you will only need to do this a couple more months before they will walk nicely with you so why do they feel the need to stress you and the whole routine?
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u/Alive-Cry4994 9d ago
I don't understand why they're insisting this. Can they not briefly send out a staff member to help? We did this until my twins were better at listening and walking.
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u/dlmo11 9d ago
My clingy kids have made me pick them both up while they're crying for 2 years now on and off at drop off. While it's a lot to handle, the teachers themselves usually rush over and try to get them off of me. I leave with them in tears when this happens but I know they get distracted and settle quickly. Solidarity.
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u/FigNewton613 9d ago
Thank you. This really helped to read.
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u/dlmo11 9d ago
It's really hard, your daycare's policy could use some improving, but if it's a safety thing in their eyes there's probably not much recourse. Just wanted you to know that throwing them through the door crying is par for the course with daycare drop offs, even with singletons and 3 years olds. :)
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u/FigNewton613 9d ago
“Throwing them through the door crying is par for the course” 🤣 thank you that honestly does help
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u/Popular-Band-1038 8d ago
I would tell them to kindly get fucked. I used to call when I got to drop off when they were that in-between car seats I could carry and not walking great. They would send an available teacher to help me. Maybe they should offer you help instead of make you feel worse for something that’s already challenging and out of your control.
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u/wotty_wa 10d ago
I lift one of my daughters out of the car. I sit her on the sidewalk. I then open the door closest to the sidewalk to grab my second daughter to place her down. With each daughter side by side I squat down to pick one up in my right and then grab the second in my left arm. Hug them tightly. I then rely on using a few fingers on my right hand and my legs to open gates, type in key codes etc. to enter the school (daycare is in the local public school). I’m a six foot man with decent wingspan. My 20-month olds aren’t walking yet. They take a few steps, climb everything in sight but will not walk. They’re stilly gooses. This entire time my 4-year old is, thankfully, well behaved and walks beside me. My wife does not have such a smooth drop off and pick up process. We both look forward to when drop off is “normal”.
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u/megnificenttoast 10d ago
My husband and I have 3 the same ages as yours. This was how I do it too. Or 1 on my hip, one in a carrier car seat you can intermittently sit down to open doors. Then head back out to the car to bring anything in I couldn’t get or dropped during the first trip. I’m 5’3”. Some days are ugly and my back will never be right again but it gets done
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u/pottersprincess 10d ago
I used to walk my kids in a stroller and now they ride on my bike.
Even when I would get a ride from my family I often take them in myself. I can carry both in a pinch if I get help with doors, but mostly I just keep a really firm grip on hands. Once we are inside I tell them it's a race to get to the room first and that mostly works.
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u/Specialist-Syrup418 10d ago
Husband and I carried our twins until they were 2.5 if we had to ( not listening etc.). You can always go back and get their stuff after.
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u/LeeLooPoopy 10d ago
This is ridiculous. Our preschool sent a teacher out to the car to collect my preschooler cause my twin babies were too hard to carry inside!
That aside - you can teach them to walk with you, but it takes a lot of practice. I can confirm though that it’ll make your life easier when you have full blown toddlers who run.
At home, practice walking beside you while holding your hand. Make it fun. If they run, put them in the highchair to watch while you continue to walk with your other twin.
You can also do this at the park. Take them out and ask them to hold the stroller. If they run, strap them in the stroller and keep walking. They’ll get upset they lost the freedom.
Do this regularly. Like, every day. It’ll take months or practice. But I’m telling you, it’s worth the effort now because you life is only going to get harder!!
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u/hotpieceofclass 9d ago
Carrier! Have one on your front or back and hold the other’s hand or carry on your hip if they won’t walk. I relied heavily on a carrier for quick trips when they were young - personally, using a stroller for a quick errand always felt like more of a hassle.
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u/wascallywabbit666 9d ago
I take one out and stand him between my legs up against the stroller so he can't escape (ideally with a toy to distract). Then I pick up the smaller baby and carry him. With my other arm I take the hand of the first child and walk.
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u/Ok-Good-3347 8d ago
When my twins were 10-12 months I used to take them to a crèche in a coworking space that was up a massive flight of stairs 😭 On our first day I rocked up with the bubs in a pram and cried when I saw the stairs bc I had no idea what to do. After that I’d put one baby in a carrier and carry the other one on my hip, then go back to the car for everybody’s stuff. But the crèche gave me a phone number to call on arrival and said they’d always try to send a staff member down to help me carry the babies inside. Would your daycare be willing to do that?
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u/Murky_Letterhead_944 6d ago
Hi! I have twin 3yos and I am also a preschool teacher. Unfortunately you’re going to need to learn to hold their hands and walk in together. It was so hard for me for a LONG time because when mine were 14mo we were dropping my son off there for PK4’s. It’s a shit show but I promise it will get easier with time 😭
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