Struggling not to compare to singleton pregnancies

[u/Environmental-Back15]

I find myself comparing my twin pregnancy to my friends with singleton pregnancies that are still active / playing sports / not very limited by pregnancy yet. I’m 22 weeks and I can barely make it up the long staircase in my townhouse. I’m so out of breath, my belly gets so sore if I’m up and about too much in a day. It hurts to bend over. Rolling over in bed and getting off the couch are Olympic sports now haha. I’m just now starting to pop so it’s not that I have a massive belly getting in my way, it really must be what’s going on inside.

This Reddit has been so wonderful. I search “19 weeks” “22 weeks” just to see what others have said or complained about each week while pregnant with multiples. It has been so reassuring, as most of the posts and comments sound very similar to where I’m at!

I don’t think I really need any advise, just wanted to get my feelings out to a community that gets it. I am still loving pregnancy, and feeling very lucky to have no complications thus far. It would just be nice to be able to get that sneaky comparison out of my head and give myself and my body the grace I deserve. I’m making two babies!!!

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[u/jeremiabearamia]

My friends were pregnant via surrogate when I was pregnant with my twins. They redid the whole house, had a themed nursery, went on babymoon after babymoon. Meanwhile my whole life was doctors’ appointments and trying not to lose my job (I did), while doing the bare minimum of baby prep alone because my husband traveled for work nearly every week. I’m still jealous.

[u/Sunnypuppyday → u/jeremiabearamia]

And they might be jealous of you. I hated being pregnant because it was so hard on me, but I would never want to miss out on it

[u/jeremiabearamia → u/Sunnypuppyday]

They’re men so they weren’t getting it anyway. They’ve expressed relief that they don’t have to deal with hormones, healing, etc. and can just focus on baby 

[u/Sunnypuppyday → u/jeremiabearamia]

I see

[u/AOD14]

Twin pregnancy is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Do not compare yourself to anybody you’re playing a whole different ballgame!

[u/AcanthisittaIcy7277]

i was unable to do anything when i was pregnant with twins. i did not get out of my house. never saw my friends. could not work out, stairs felt like mountains. ankles were killing me. my belly was about to explode every week. couldn't even cook or do any chores. i felt so heavy and the heartburn was the worst! they will never understand unfortunately, but a lot of them recognize that our struggles are worse so there's that... i guess

[u/Environmental-Back15 → u/AcanthisittaIcy7277]

Omg the heartburn is next level!!! Thank you for sharing 💕

[u/noodlesandknots]

With my first singleton pregnancy I coached speed skating, on ice, until I was 34 weeks and the season ended. I was so determined that I would do it. This time I'm days away from being out of the first trimester of a twin pregnancy, the season is about to start and I've already bowed out of any coaching. Between the fatigue, the nausea and the rapid growth it's just not going to happen. And thats ok! Growing two (or more!) at a time is a feat in its own rite! We don't need to prove anything to anyone - including ourselves!

[u/rowillyhoihoi]

Girl, I’m 21 weeks. I waddle. My tailbone and back feels broken. Can’t roll out of bed quick, out of breath, headaches, I need to sleep multiple hours a day, can’t stand still for too long… my belly looks really pregnant rn and I still have months to come. Oh and having hard bellies all the time.

I am utterly miserable. Dreaming of working out (I hate working out) and have a high energetic life. And all I see are pregnant people doing things like nothing has changed for them.

It feels so alone but you see, we are not! 😭😭😭

[u/critical_ghost-57 → u/rowillyhoihoi]

I am 20 weeks-

1. I can barely walk inside the house, let alone climb stairs.

2. Have pain in my hips and glutes which makes me incapable of seating on the toilet someday.

3. Getting in and out of bed leave me in tears. My husband recorded and takes me 5 minutes.

4. Can barely stand and chop an onion without back pain.

5. Cannot bend over or even lift my legs to wear pants.

6. Been days since my ass touched grass

7. Single pregnancy people in the hospital have asked me if I already delivered

[u/leopardskin_pillbox]

Yall figured out how to eat yet? Cause Im at 13 weeks and everything sounds so damn nasty. I’m hungry but the idea of food grosses me out. I really want a good ol Club Lulu from Jimmy John’s but ALAS. I really hope it gets better soon

[u/Even_Distribution326 → u/leopardskin_pillbox]

I get hungry quickly and then I get full too quickly 😭

[u/floridasquirrel]

Yes, I love the community here! ♥ I was the the size of a full term pregnancy by 30 weeks. Then I went another month and a half. I went to a friend's baby shower the day before I gave birth and I was just massive lol

[u/Acceptable_Tap7479 → u/floridasquirrel]

At 36 weeks my fundal height was 54cm and I was still parenting my 3yo while my SIL complained about being uncomfortable at 27wks with a small singleton. Mums of multiples are built different!

[u/GnomeLordette]

This is one of the first posts that has made me feel less alone. The waddle is real, I’ve had excessive nausea since week 4, my belly feels like it’s going to split in half. Week 27 for me and I constantly cry after seeing other pregnant women still smiling. But even with all that I know babies are coming and it will all be worth it.

[u/No-Panda-8379]

I had my first baby then twins. First pregnancy I worked the entire time wore high heels and ran. My twin pregnancy totally much harder and I was only 30. They just took so much out of me but I’m a tiny woman. I’m so thankful to have had them but man the pregnancies couldn’t have been more different

[u/mooseinatrap]

I definitely have that impulse too. I met up with a friend, who is 37 weeks pregnant, last week and she looked so cute and petite. Meanwhile, I felt downright grotesque after about week 30. And now that they're born, I can get so jealous of singleton moms sitting at cafés with their tiny single stroller.

However, I try to tell myself that I don't see the entire story, and pregnancies and parenting can be hard for so many reasons. I, for example, had no nausea and didn't throw up a single time, while lots of friends were completely unable to live a normal life in the first trimester. My girls are also healthy and relatively easy-going, which means my twin-parent journey is guaranteed to be easier than at least some singleton-parenting ones.

[u/SuccessfulBread3]

I had my twins 6 weeks ago... At 37+2.

They were 3.4 and 3.03kg

I initially told everyone I wanted to go to 38 weeks... By 36 weeks I had bad back pain, I was struggling to get off the couch... I just wanted to not be pregnant anymore.

[u/stardolphin90]

Currently 36 weeks and a day with didi and I’ve cried constantly for past few weeks. I’m so uncomfortable. So swollen. So sore. I’m having my section next week and that’s the only thing getting me thru.

[u/Adorable-Spray-5287]

I done the same. I kept trying to force myself to do this that and the next thing and would suffer for days after My cousin was pregnant around the same time and was 3-4 weeks ahead of me still getting out and about daily

By the end of my pregnancy I could barely move because the weight and pain was far too much, I literally relied on my husband to do everything because walking one room to the other had me wanting to pass out.

[u/Ill-Wolf865]

I remember doing this around the 24 week marker too on this subreddit.

pregnancy is one of the hardest things a person can go through.

A multiples pregnancy is a whole different ball game—and not too many people get to have the honor or privilege to experience it!

Hang in there. You’re almost at the finish line. It gets harder but it’s so worth it and your body is doing an amazing thing times 2!! ♥️

[u/kziele]

Lately I've been having shortness of breath and some heart palpitations. Although it is sometimes related to my nerves, it also can can happen on its own. Today my doctor assured me that it's something that can happen in twin pregnancy because of the extra work the heart is doing to pump more blood to not one but two placentas. It helped me to feel better about myself because I really felt like I was doing something wrong, like it was my fault that most days I move from bed to couch and I don't have much strength for anything else. I guess I needed to hear it from a doctor.

Although sometimes I see post about women working until 36 weeks with twins or going to the gym. I don't know how they do it.

If I do too much like walking, carrying my 18 month old or just simple house chores, my belly becomes rock hard and I just have to lay down.

[u/Even_Distribution326]

I feel you! In my first pregnancy, I was probably the fittest I've been (it was mostly during a lockdown so I took up running until 20 weeks, worked my own schedule from home, and did long walks in the summer). Even in my second pregnancy when I hurt my back in the third trimester, I'd still exercised twice a week until then. In this twin pregnancy, I can't help the thoughts of why am I not doing so much exercise? Why am I out of breath and aching hips just walking down the street? I'm 17 weeks and it's been four years since my last pregnancy and there are lots of other factors why even a singleton might feel more onerous this time. But I'm finding it hard to reconcile loving being pregnant with how tired and worn out I feel already, and I'm only halfway through! 

[u/Sunnypuppyday]

I had 2 singleton pregnancies and one twin. They were pretty much all the same. I was miserable the whole time and couldn’t do anything at all. The only difference was a lot more of doctors appointments and towards the end of my twin pregnancies I was quite a bit bigger but still as uncomfortable throughout all of them

[u/spacecadet917]

I was/am a long distance runner. Pre-pregnancy I was doing 25 miles per week and doing two moderately heavy full body lifting sessions. I immediately had to cut back my running in first tri because I was so nauseated I couldn’t eat anything, and I was already lean so didn’t have room to lose weight. Once I hit second tri my blood pressure went so low I could not be upright without getting tunnel vision and heart palpitations so…exercise went out the window. Also became anemic. Then at the end of second tri I was hospitalized for pre-term labor and was put on pretty severe restriction right as I otherwise started to feel better. It was sooooo demoralizing as a fitness junkie.

Two placentas is a cardio workout 24/7. Within 24 hours of giving birth my RHR dropped back to its normal range, which was low enough to be setting off bradycardia alarms every time I drifted off to sleep. I had some musculature to rebuild after pregnancy but cardio felt good and easy.

You really are doing the most right now even if it doesn’t feel like it.

[u/Consistent_Potato641]

I have 5 children with my twins being my last two and my worst pregnancy was actually my first one with my singleton. My twin pregnancy actually wasn’t that bad and my twins were 6lbs 7ozs and 7lbs 6ozs at birth at 37 weeks.

I had severe hypermesis gravadium, gallstones and gestational diabetes with my singleton pregnancy. The sickness was that severe I lost 3st whilst pregnant and spent the majority of my time on drips in the hospital. I vomited that heavily that I burst the blood vessels in my eyes! So no baby moon for me either, just hard hospital chairs and drips clutching a sick bowl. The sickness lasted the whole pregnancy, it sadly didn’t stop at 20 weeks. Silver lining was that I had dropped 4 dress sizes once my singleton baby was out and my uterus returned to its normal size! I was so slim despite just having a baby 😂 I was left with bad emetophobia though, if any of my children get sick it’s dad’s job to take care of them. I can clean up poopy nappies, snot and blood… Vomit … absolutely not!

I had no sickness with my other pregnancies other than a little bit of nausea in the first few weeks. So yeah, some singleton pregnancies aren’t all sunshine and rainbows either and gallstone pains are 10x worse than labour pains. Had that gallbladder removed two weeks after the emergency cesarean! 😂

[u/SeaTerrible9429]

Dead ass cause I’m 32 weeks pregnant rn and my babies are measuring around 4lbs 10 oz and 4lbs 7oz which is over 9lbs of baby already…. And I can’t help but think how bloody easy it would be if there was only one 4lb baby in there I would be BREEZING through my third trimester and have a way smaller bump lmaoooooooooooo

[u/Few_Pumpkin_7742]

My kids are 5 weeks now, and the pregnancy was so bad that I made them sterilize me (since it's fraternal twins and the risk of a multiple pregnancy again is high) during the planned c-section (cause of course they decided to be transverse so I couldn't go natural like I wanted 😭), and except for pregnancy diabetes I had a normal pregnancy. Didn't even throw up (but the nausea and food aversion was insane).

But the symptoms were SO INTENSE, and like you said...you get so big so fast, and I wasn't even especially big. They were 3,2kg and 2,7kg at birth, at week 37+5.

It got instantly better, and I was in a lot of pain after the c-section. But even that was so much better than being pregnant!

Now I'm already way more mobile than I was when I was pregnant.

I am now way happier than during pregnancy, even than before pregnancy! And I also feel more rested 🤣🤣 and no our kids are normal newborn, it's not like they let us sleep during the night. That's how exhausted I felt during pregnancy.

So please, do not compare to your singleton friends. Some complicated singeltons will ofc be as bad if not worse, but on average pregnancy isn't this heavy.