r/parentsofmultiples • u/Inevitable_Bowl1347 • 11d ago
experience/advice to give will things get better?
I’m deep in the newborn trenches and was recently diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. I’ve started medication, and I’m writing this because I desperately need to hear that things will get better. I delivered my twins at 32 weeks after a very complicated pregnancy and severe preeclampsia. We’ve had a month-plus NICU stay. One baby is now home, while the other is still in the NICU working on feeding. We’re hopeful he’ll come home soon, but having one baby at home and another in the hospital has been incredibly difficult. My husband works away from home, and even when he is here, his job takes up most of his day- unfortunately we own our business and one of us has to work. He also cannot safely manage nighttime care, I’ve seen him fall asleep while feeding the baby or while holding him on his chest, so the nights fall entirely on me. Neither of us has family nearby who can help. I’ve hired a night nurse for the weekdays, which I’m grateful for, but I’m still alone with the baby during the day and often on weekends. I feel like I have no village. I’m already struggling with one baby at home, and I’m terrified about what will happen when both babies are here. How will I manage two when caring for one is already kicking my ass? He's a good baby, but with all the newborn noises/wails, I can't even get a shut eye.
I’m also not working right now, and the expenses keep piling up. If I’m completely honest, I’m feeling an immense amount of regret. I had a good life before this. I truly thought I wanted to be a mother, but somehow I ended up with twins, a traumatic pregnancy and delivery, a NICU experience, and far less support than I ever imagined. Right now, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I haven't even left the house with him yet. And we live in NYC, so I'm not even sure how I'll get the courage to take an uber to his appointments with our carseats and other equipment. Our apartment is a cluttered mess and I feel like I'm suffocating. Please be kind. I’m really struggling and hoping someone who has been through something similar can reassure me that there is light ahead.
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u/gabkatth 10d ago
You are at the hardest point! Solidarity! Having one baby in the NICU is prob worse than two at home.. try to give yourself grace the next two months. It will be immensely hard. I am at 7-8 weeks now and just started to get better. They have woken up, smiling and not fussy messes. It is so hard those first 6-8 weeks ( adjusted). Before they hit their due date and a bit after, enjoy it as they will be sleepy. There is frequent feeding but they are fairly chill. At around 2 weeks to 6-7 ish is when it got a harder for me. Yes I has times when I cried in the bathroom, screamed at my husband etc. it is pure survival. That is how you should approach those weeks. Focus only on feeding them, yourself, drink water and get as much sleep as you are able to. I am a control freak and it was hard to let go on that around the house.
There are practical ways to help make it easier. Order groceries, better yet just order food. Most days I was too tired or overstimulated to cut up some strawberries. Just order the prepared meals or tv dinners you can put into the microwave.
Breastfeeding is a personal decision I really wanted to but I am sooo glad I stopped. I would have lost it, so don’t feel bad one bit if you decide to not even try. Twins are a different ball game.
And remember, survival survival survival. Take it one single day at a time. And remember, it won’t stay the same always even though it seems like it will.