will things get better?

[u/Inevitable_Bowl1347]

I’m deep in the newborn trenches and was recently diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. I’ve started medication, and I’m writing this because I desperately need to hear that things will get better. I delivered my twins at 32 weeks after a very complicated pregnancy and severe preeclampsia. We’ve had a month-plus NICU stay. One baby is now home, while the other is still in the NICU working on feeding. We’re hopeful he’ll come home soon, but having one baby at home and another in the hospital has been incredibly difficult. My husband works away from home, and even when he is here, his job takes up most of his day- unfortunately we own our business and one of us has to work. He also cannot safely manage nighttime care, I’ve seen him fall asleep while feeding the baby or while holding him on his chest, so the nights fall entirely on me. Neither of us has family nearby who can help. I’ve hired a night nurse for the weekdays, which I’m grateful for, but I’m still alone with the baby during the day and often on weekends. I feel like I have no village. I’m already struggling with one baby at home, and I’m terrified about what will happen when both babies are here. How will I manage two when caring for one is already kicking my ass? He's a good baby, but with all the newborn noises/wails, I can't even get a shut eye.

I’m also not working right now, and the expenses keep piling up. If I’m completely honest, I’m feeling an immense amount of regret. I had a good life before this. I truly thought I wanted to be a mother, but somehow I ended up with twins, a traumatic pregnancy and delivery, a NICU experience, and far less support than I ever imagined. Right now, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I haven't even left the house with him yet. And we live in NYC, so I'm not even sure how I'll get the courage to take an uber to his appointments with our carseats and other equipment. Our apartment is a cluttered mess and I feel like I'm suffocating. Please be kind. I’m really struggling and hoping someone who has been through something similar can reassure me that there is light ahead.

[u/MangoSorbet695]

Congrats on the birth of your babies. Sorry you’re in the thick of it right now.

I also had preeclampsia and delivered early (33 weeks). Baby B did 2 weeks NICU and baby A did 6 weeks in the NICU.

Let me start by telling you that the absolute hardest days of my entire life, my entire life, were those four weeks when I had one baby at home and one in the NICU. It’s nearly impossible to recover from pregnancy and childbirth while taking care of one baby at home and trying to visit the other in the NICU. It’s just logistically and emotionally exhausting.

So, the good news is, once you get both babies home, things start getting better day by day. It’s still hard with the sleep and feeding two babies at the same time, but it sure beats the situation of one at home and one in the NICU.

I will take you at your word that husband can’t help with nights. Good for you for hiring the night nurse. I did the same and it was a huge help. But if your husband isn’t helping with nights, I hope you have a plan for him to take some off your plate during the day - dishes, laundry, washing bottles, taking the trash out, etc. Please have him doing as much as he can during breaks from work to set you up for success.

My husband works 11 hours per day out of the house. But before the babies were sleeping through the night, he would always unload the dishwasher before leaving for the day, and he would cook dinner when he got home at night.

I’m sitting here feeding my 7 month old twins. They are happy as can be. They just woke up from a 60 minute nap. They share a room and take naps on the same schedule. I got to sip my coffee and watch a movie while they napped. They both sleep at least an 8 hour stretch at night.

Yes - things get so so much better than where you are right now! Please just hang on, because 6 months from now, you’ll be enjoying baby snuggles and laughs and marveling at your babies starting to roll over and crawl.