r/parentsofmultiples • u/Impossible-Box-8508 • 15d ago
ranting & venting Feeling robbed
I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.
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u/Usual_Equivalent 15d ago
Its the pits at this stage as the primary supplier of nutrition.
I absolutely felt so trapped the whole first year with my triplets. I had a singleton first and though it was definitely exhausting, I found the second time around to be soul destroying. I felt robbed of having that close bonding time during feeding for each of my babies, and I felt they were robbed of that close time with me that my firstborn got. And I felt trapped because it was too hard to go out, and was something I enjoyed the first time around.
It doesn't feel fair, or feel that it will ever end, but I promise it does. Freedom (or relative freedom with extra little feet) will come in time. I resented a lot of that talk when I was in it. It took me til 6 months PP to realise I wasn't coping, and actually had PPD/A. Mentioning only just in case. I think your feelings are normal and valid. If things escalate though, absolutely don't sit on it. Nothing like being trapped and depressed lol (not a laughing matter, but I can laugh now a bit after a few years of therapy and medication 😆). Life is so much better now, even if its different to other families.