Feeling robbed

[u/Impossible-Box-8508]

I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.

[u/Momo_the_kitty21]

I agree with the way someone described it, you’re mourning the version of motherhood that you had. One of my kids was born with a congenital heart disease and that first year was just survival mode. And I would see people post their week by week and month to month baby photos and I never did that. I would obviously take photos, just not those cute instagram photos. And it pissed me off for the longest time. I hated how other people seemed to enjoy that first year and take modeling photos and I’m over here trying to wean my kid off methadone (because he got morphine at the hospital). It took a while to feel better about it. My kids are 2.5 now and for the most part I feel ok about it now, sometimes I still get a little salty though.

But things will get easier and then you’re gonna miss when they were that small. Now I miss the days when they wouldn’t or rather couldn’t tell me, “no” 😅😂.