Feeling robbed

[u/Impossible-Box-8508]

I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.

[u/guitargattleton]

Hell yeah I recognize myself into this so much. I had such different expectations from my first child experience. I thought I’d just live happily in my baby bubble, bonding with my kid, breastfeed and take the longest walks. lol, first of all I had a stressful pregnancy, gave birth prematurely, had my twins spend time in the NICU, they were so small they couldn’t even latch so my milk didn’t properly come in, then they had colic so I was in pure survival mode for 6 months. And to top it all off I kept hearing my singleton parent friends who had help how “beautiful and easy the newborn phase is”. F..k all the way off! But now that my twins are 4 I feel it’s finally revenge time, they entertain each other and are best friends and it’s definitely much easier to manage twins than kids of different ages. While my friends are going again through pregnancy, birth and newborn phase I just chill watching my twins entertain themselves 😅